Khloe Kardashian gets Kim drunk

- Kim Kardashian got trashed at Khloe’s 25th birthday and somehow a sex tape didn’t emerge. I’m as shocked as you are. [Khloe Kardashian]

- Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick want you to look at the new babies they bought. Or as I like to call them the “Sorry I Cheated on You, Horseface” Twins. [Lainey Gossip]

- Nicky Hilton enjoys laughing at the misfortune of others. That’s for the two people who actually think there’s a good Hilton sister. I’ll let you guess who they are. [The Blemish]

- Vanessa Minnillo rebounds with Topher Grace. How sad must be it for Nick Lachey to learn the villain from the shitty Spider-man movie obviously has more money than him? [Celebslam]

- Kelly Brook’s boyfriend wore a Michael Jackson T-shirt today which means he’s gay and she should start having unprotected sex with me. Hey, you can’t argue with science. [Just Jared]

- Zac Efron wears a life preserver on a short boat trip. Somebody get this kid a towel. For his vagina. [PopSugar]

- Chace Crawford has a new haircut! And yet somehow this doesn’t trump the non-stop media coverage of Michael Jackson’s death. Is there no justice?! [ICYDK]