Khloe Isn’t A Kardashian

January 11th, 2012 // 73 Comments
Wookiee Under The Bus
Kris Jenner
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“What do you mean I have to take a paternity test?”

Back in November, Kris Jenner admitted to cheating on Robert Kardashian for no other reason than to shill copies of her book, so of course it never even occurred to her that she also basically said, “Oh, by the way, Khloe‘s a bastard.” Now Robert’s ex-wives Ellen Kardashian and Jan Ashley have revealed that Robert confessed to them that Khloe wasn’t his biological daughter. RadarOnline reports:

“Khloe is not his kid — he told me that after we got married,” Jan Ashley, 63, the woman who married Robert after Kris Jenner, revealed to Star.
“He just kind of looked at me and said [it] like it was a matter of fact. He said, ‘Well, you know that Khloe’s not really a Kardashian, don’t you?’ And I said…’OK,’ and that was it.”

But in a final bombshell, Ellen claims Robert told her that he and Kris weren’t even sleeping together at the time Khloe was conceived.
“[But] he never would have considered a DNA test,” Ellen concluded. “He loved her very much.”

So, great, wonderful. Now we live in a world where something Scott Disick said was right. Granted, this adds more evidence to the massive pile visible from space that proves the Kardashians are nothing but lying money-grubbing whores hellbent on whoring lies for money, but at what price? At what price?

Photos: Getty, INFdaily, Splash News (Chewie: Star Wars Wiki)

superficial

  1. Even if this is true, this is a man who loved this little girl very much and raised her as his own. You do not have to fuck a bitch and get her pregnant to be a child’s father. And the Kardashians didn’t lie about shit! They said her name is Khloe Kardashian because her name IS Khloe Kardashian. She IS Kim and Kourtney’s sister. How the hell is it all a lie?

    • Venom

      I can’t wait until Dr. McBeef the psychiatrist analyzes this comment.

      • hmna

        “She IS Kim and Kourtney;s half-sister*.”

        There, fixed.

      • hmna

        Except for the errant semicolon. D’OH!

      • Richard McBeef, MD - Board Certified Psychiatrist

        In my professional opinion, I’d say that your inability to wait for me to analyze commentary stems from deep rooted anxiety and low self esteem. I understand that all of our conversations are confidential, protected by federal law, but I am also required to file a report if I think you are in danger of harming yourself of others. So, I’m going to recommend a 5150. Give you a safe place for 72 hours. I’ll stop in on Friday and see about adjusting your meds.

      • Venom

        What kind of meds?

    • JC

      Show us on this Chubacca action figure where the Kardashians touched you.

      • Richard McBeef, MD - Board Certified Psychiatrist

        all of them, venom. all of them. listen, it looks weird if I write scripts for myself. so, i mean, are you following me here? scratch my back, i’ll scratch yours.

      • Other than the broke, drunken, depressed rant of a widow not getting the attention and money she thinks she should get because her last name is Kardashian and isn’t getting any love, and the fact that Khloe looks just like her sisters except for her height – which is closer to Rob, yet no one is saying he isn’t his father’s son and if he wasn’t having sex with Kris when Khloe was conceived, but started fucking her again 3 years later to conceive Rob. Her height is irrelevant because Rob is taller. I have the worlds UGLIEST fucking sister, and no one is claiming either of us was from a different parent (except for when we claim she was the product of a solo masturbatorial emission by my father). Why are we so eager to believe she is the daughter of another man? Is it because she’s famous for no good reason and it’s hated based on she’s got money and most of us don’t?

    • EricLr

      If she gets to call herself Khloe Kardashian then Liv Tyler has to start calling herself Liv Rundgren (her real name).

      • That doesn’t make any sense. They are both using the names that the fathers they knew growing up gave them. If Khloe has to start using something else, then Liv would have to start using Rundgren.

  2. God is Black

    Kris Jenner is definitely a She Witch! I bet you she would sell off her grand children for publicity! Oh great picture of Chewie !

    • She Witch? Are there any other kind?

      • Aue

        It is sad that this woman her mother would olnwikgny hurt detroy an innocent young man who thought he could give her what she said she wanted..luv babies. She played his ass on N’tl TV. How many men has she run through? It is amazing to me that ppl put blinders on see these reality/money media whores as role models trendsetters! WOW! They are some darn good actors I tell you that! If they pull this 1 off, America is a bigger fool than I am thinking.Money is mom Kim’s first love

  3. Chewie

    AAAAAAHHHHHH Gwrrrrrowrrr!!

    (translation: Stop equating me with the Crapdatians!!!)

  4. Khloe Kardashian Z100 Jingle Ball
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    It wouldn’t have been so bad if she’d just worn a longer skirt.
    When a Wookie goes to so much trouble waxing those thunder thighs I guess they just can’t keep them covered up.

  5. Disco Dave

    It must suck to have Kris Jenner as a mother.

  6. pretty vacant

    khloe, look on the bright side-
    ur not a kardashian.

  7. Han Solo

    Chewie, old buddy!!

    • Lisa

      Can everyone please stop insulting Chewbacca by using him to to reference that talentless fame whore????!!!!!!!!

  8. Terry

    without all that make up that Chloe is nasty!

  9. Frank Burns

    Does this make us dislike Khloe more, less, or about the same? I’m going to opt for ‘raging indifference’.

  10. phoenix

    Khloe’s status has just been elevated to human being based on this news

    • Tuneyosi

      Oh man this is hard they both are my girls and i love and adore them both. However this time i think Khloe did it seems to fit her better and her body seems to rock it well. Kim on the other hand it does hointng for she looks lovely as always but the dress is not working for her it looks to big. The KARDASHIAN Girls are known for there fashion and these dresses are not one of my fav’s they do look lovely its just the dresses are not as lovely as them. The dresses are not worthy of there body types lol. These types of dresses don’t do much for anyone, Except maybe a prego lady she could rock it.Do you like this comment? 1 1

  11. Khloe Kardashian Z100 Jingle Ball
    Any Guy
    Commented on this photo:

    i knew it. SATAN.

  12. Steelerchick

    We already figured it out that it’s Chewie’s daughter.
    Kim is Godzilla’s daughter.

  13. Richard McBeef

    Who gives a shit who’s who and what’s what? It is what it is and it is vapid famewhores that surfed the wave of piss that splashed across KK’s face and turned it into an kingdom fed by legions of moronic peasants. Bitches could be split conjoined triplets for all i give shit, still hate them, would still hate fuck 2/3 of them.

  14. Seriously, you had to be blind to think that Kloe came from the same two parents as Kim and Kourtney.

    • Ballo

      all this stuff is fake written for tv just like a movie .was the tv pudercor who thought up all this marraige stuff.watch an old 1950s episode of i love lucy .lucy and ricky were really married, but that doesn’t mean their show was real .though lucy and ricky’s marraige was more real than kim’s.

  15. The Critical Crassness

    Well, that certainly explains why Khloe is the only one of the family who seems to have any sense of reality at all….not much, but a tiny little bit. It also explains why she is the only one of the three older girls who is not in jeopardy of being stepped on by the cast of “Little People;Big World” without wearing those 8 foot tall high heels they continual wear…..#WookiefortheWin!!!

  16. it had to be said

    That must have been one big, ugly dude Kris was nailing.

    • BE

      No. No. No.

      Get it straight.

      Size from biological father.
      IQ above 75 from father.

      Looks – ALL KJ

      Looking at the other results from KJ’s gene pool who wants to bet who else is a half sibling?

  17. taz

    Of course not, she is a bigfoot. I thought that was established long ago.

  18. JC

    The E! special where Kris Jenner insists on digging up that poor bastard’s corpse to get DNA samples will be super-awesome. I mean, they must have something coming out to promote, right? A Partridge Family-style album? A cookbook? Kardashian-branded sanitary napkins?

  19. Pay attention to me!!

    Who the fuck is the source – Ellen or Jan? That excerpt from Star makes no fucking sense, Fish.

  20. cc

    Hpmh, this revelation doesn’t make her look one iota less unattractive. So, who cares I guess.

  21. modemscrotum

    All right, That’s Enough Fish….I am sick and tired of you constantly comparing Khloe Kardashian to a Wookie… I mean c’mon …..all this relentless berating of a decent beloved member of society…The Wookies DO NOT deserve that….If you are going to refer to Khloe, please do so in a respecful manner, in the way she was brought into this world………………………………Something her mother wanted to abort, but half-way through the procedure said..”ah fuck it, ill let this thing pass through me”…….thats how you refer to Khloe….

  22. EricLr

    What the hell has to world come to when you can’t even depend on your well-paid trophy wife to not be discrete about her affairs?

  23. OnTheRealThough

    She and her gay brother, Robert, look exactly alike.

    Bullshit rumor.

    • Insider

      Agreed. This is total crap. They are all the Kardashian’s kids. Siblings don’t all have to look EXACTLY alike idiots.

  24. Sensei John Kreese

    Is this the Sasquatch that stole the sandwiches in ‘Billy Madison’?

  25. dinosaurland

    This explains her proficiency with the bowcaster.

  26. Venom

    Kris Jenner admitted that towards the end of their marriage she was having an affair. Khloe is the last child born during the marriage, not hard to do the math.

  27. cow

    The fat one’s daddy is pictured at the 315 mark in that” I love my friends” vid pmk made in 85. He is a hairdresser and he’s holding a yellow hairdryer. It The resemblance is dead on. The pimp cuckolded skunkhead with her hairdresser. No joke…check it out

  28. I don’t know Khloe, or if she is Robert Kardashian’s biological daughter or if she isn’t, but it would make sense that she isn’t. She doesn’t look anything like any of her brothers and sisters. Even the two girls Kris has with Bruce Jenner have the jet black hair that Khloe has never had. IIf Kris and Robert are both of Armenian nationality, they couldn’t have a child together that has Khloe’s coloring and light skin tone. Robert knew she wasn’t his biological child, but loved her anyway as if she had been, because he knew none of it was her fault, and that she didn’t deserve to be punished for it. That says a lot about him.

    • kris isn’t armenian.she’s like scottish/dutch or something. so technically, they COULD have a kid with khloe’s skin and hair and that’s the way the genetic dice rolled….doesn’t mean khloe IS a kardashian, but none of them are full armenian since kris isn’t.

    • EricLr

      Somewhere there is a pool cleaner with a daughter he doesn’t even know about.

  29. I thought it was common knowledge that Khloe is OJ’s kid.

  30. Kids — you have to understand California law. If a woman is married at the time she gives birth, her husband is LEGALLY considered the father. Only the wife or husband may contest it. A third-party has no legal standing to say that he is the father of a married woman’s child.

    That said, Robert Kardashian loved her. Isn’t that more important than biology anyway? Lots of idiot biological parents do terrible things to their biological children.

    And having said that, it’s obvious that Khloe has a different biological father. So what? It’s not her fault her mother is a slut.

    And I don’t even like the Kardcrap, but I must defend a (now grown) child about this whole mess. It ain’t her fault. Blame her slut mother.

    • Frank Burns

      I can see why you call yourself Giggles!

    • Help

      I agree with you, Robert Kardashian raised her into the famewhore she is today, and he paid for her house/education/flea dip/whatever else. He is her father in every legal sense of the word. It’s not his fault or Khloe’s fault that Kris is a giant whore.

  31. Miles Monroe

    BoycottKim (dot) com

  32. Khloe Kardashian Z100 Jingle Ball
    Herkimer Battle Jitney
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks like the world’s most depressing sex doll.

  33. Bane

    Khloe’s not a Kardashian. I thought we filed this a long time ago in the “duh” file.

    Now she can go back to stealing beef jerky in those Jack Links Messing with Sasquatch commericials.

  34. Mando

    I have always liked Khloe, especially when she calls Kris a “psycho” on the show. Deflated Tart.

  35. We all know Kurt Rambis is the father. What is the big secret. Its like Kim telling us she was not pissed on by Ray J. Just because we didnt witness it, does not mean it did not happen.

    No amount of money can repair an empty soul.

  36. it had to be said

    Wait, there is also an allegation that Bruce Jenner is a cross dresser and we are talking about Spawn of Wookie?

  37. dude_on

    I place her level of desirability somewhere between last person on the planet with a vagina and camping.

  38. Khloe Kardashian Z100 Jingle Ball
    maria
    Commented on this photo:

    adorable

  39. TaT

    Her and Robert look NOTHING alike! You need glasses if you really think that. Just because you want something to be true doesn’t make it so. You don’t know any of these people those women could be telling the truth.

  40. Khloe Kardashian Z100 Jingle Ball
    holes
    Commented on this photo:

    Ewwwwwwww Stinky armpit…

  41. ZaneS

    Khloe obviously got her body & brains from somewhere else.

  42. bubblesffk

    well, Khloe is definitely not similar to her sisters Kim and Kourtney. but we still have to consider that the fact of Rob K loved her very much too.

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