K-Fed Says He’s Ready for Backlash

February 20th, 2006 // 40 Comments

*kevin_federline_thumb5.jpgKevin Federline is ready for a backlash over his brand-new role as white-boy rapper, but told Newsweek that it can’t get worse. “‘He hates his children, he treats his wife like dirt, he gets high all day,’” he said, quoting his critics. “If I was that bad, you think anyone, let alone Britney, would put up with it?”

He plans to release his debut album by this spring, but without featuring his wife on the album, said Federline. “We have collaborated,” he said. “But I’m not going to put the songs on this album because it’s like, ‘Respect me first; then I’ll show you what I’ve done with my wife.’”

We’ve already seen what you’ve done with your wife. You’ve turned her into a talking lump of silly putty. The only thing they could possibly collaborate on is feeding each other doritos out of a banjo. Which, actually, would be much more entertaining to listen to than Kevin’s music. With tracks like “I can’t see my feet”, “There’s still some in my belly-button”, and “What do you mean these are my fat pants?”

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  1. PKClover

    I can’t wait to see what tracks he lays down with Britney. I mean, we know he knows how to lay em down. *wink*

  2. Sangiovese

    So, y’all likely already know about Mr. Spears getting chosen in his Jr. High yearbook as Most Likely to End Up on America’s Most Wanted, right?

    I bet all those mean kids from school are kicking themselves now. He’s going to be a HUGE rap star with his new song Poopoozulu! You just wait!

  3. picklednothing

    Buffoon: a ridiculous but amusing person.

    Need I say more.

  4. Hating your kids and hating your wife and living in a drug-induced waking coma are all pretty normal. People shouldn’t make such a big deal.

    Now if he started cannibalizing his kids and wife, that’s real news, not to mention seriously fine entertainment. I’m going to pray to Jesus now that he eats his own children.

  5. Sassy

    Kevin and Britney are the new Bobby and Whitney.

  6. butterflynans

    WELL YOU JUST WAIT UNTIL HE DIVORCES BRITNEY, AND STARTS ASKING FOR SUPPORT…

  7. debs

    Breaking news:

    Kevin Federline is still a loser. Film at 11 of him crying about his wife taking his car and driving off with the baby on her lap. Kevin wasn’t upset they were leaving. He was upset at the prospect of them getting blood on the seats in an accident.

  8. St.Minutia

    In all honesty, Britney probably would have turned into a sack of sillyputty eventually. Theres no hope for escaping that genetic swamp. Even more inexcusable is the musical excrescence he is unleashing on the world. Chimps sure do like throwing their poo around.

  9. maiira

    Ah, now this is more like it. Friendly stories about friendly douchebags we all love to hate. For awhile there this page was turning into an actual debate forum and it made maiira’s head blob go ouch. And not because the people doing the debating had anything intelligent to say.

  10. downshine

    #5 they’re worse than whitney and bobby brown. at least whitney and bobby have talent, something that britney and kevin have an astonishing lack of.

  11. Devil Is Chrome

    Oh Kevin – it can get worse….so much worse.

    Hear that? It’s FIRE! Popozao! Popozao!

  12. fblau

    Uh… If I wrote a song extolling (and by extolling I mean “sucking”) the virtues of big asses and how much I loved them… the next big hit by MY wife would probably be “Pequeno PeePee”….

    bring dat wee wee over here
    I can’t FEEEEEL it….
    pequeno pee pee
    pequeno pee pee
    I can’t SEEEEEE it….
    chicka bow chicka bow bow…

    you get the idea…

  13. gossipmonger

    Yawn… K-Fed sucks.. I know what this story needs… A “Paris stars in lesbian porn” link…

    http://tonight.co.za/index.php?fArticleId=3121927&fSectionId=354&fSetId=251

  14. ESQ

    In response to #4 – Damn that was good! I nearly spit my food all over my monitor.

    As far as K-Douche is concerned, once Britney wises up to the fact that she is getting used for money by this load she will dump his ass. Note to Brit: I hope that per-nup was iron clad, if not call me and I will try to help.

    Once this asshole blows through his money from the divorce settlement, which will be in about 13 months we will find him on the corner, dressed as a burrito passing out flyers for some taco place we never heard of. I will just happen to be walking down the street spot him and walk up to him and kick him swiftly in the balls, avenging him for doing what he did to Britney.

  15. Alia

    hmm ready for backlash… if all of this was true you think Britney would stay with me…

    Lets see here… America has watched as you took a girl who boys wacked off to to someone you wouldn’t wack off to with a paper bag over her head…

    As for Respect its something you have to earn so far all you have earned is being the biggest docuebag mouch and laughing stock in the media today.

    Also I love in the article that there you believe there is intrest in your pathetic attepmt at Rap cause it was downloaded 2 million times for FREE…

    Someone should teach you how to read it’d be an improvement, that along with a vascetomy… or your future press will be on the Maury show of “He’s the Daddy of 15 Kids and we want Britney’s money for them”

  16. Tania

    I think it was actually went like this:

    Kevin: “‘Mon baby…lets tear this album up yo! Fo shizzle, K-Fed and B-Dog in the hizzle!”

    Britney: “Umm…maybe next time boo. Y’know, I don wanna hone in on your spotlight. Uh, ya, that’s it.”

  17. LoneWolf

    Federslime’s destiny is to open a bagel shop with his 1980′s counterpart, Rob Camilletti. Or, maybe they and Corey (Feldman or Haim, take your pick) will become a has-been Rat Pack and start performing for slack-jawed yokels in Branson, Missouri. There they will do a show featuring one-hit wonder songs, the encore being Popozao.

  18. MystressJade

    LoneWolf, I think Branson is way too upscale for K-Fed.

    I was thinking a venue in Calcutta would better suit his musical ability.

  19. gogoboots

    He’s such a loser it’s too embarassing to see him try to be a white rapper. He dares to compete with the worst rapper in American history, Vanilla Ice. Poor Brits, she is a silly pile of putty these days, not to mention her outfits are looking more horrendous every day, where’s her stylist is my question!?

  20. M@ce

    I personally plan on buying douche-boy’s new album. Not because I enjoy third rate ‘music’ but because it will be cheaper to support him now by buying his crap then support him later when he’s on welfare in the trailer park.

  21. Take it easy on him! He gives underachievers across the world hope! You too can be like him! Just a little bit of Tag Body Spray…and you can have your very own white trash has-been singer.

  22. Xanthia

    From the look on his face, he looks like he is ready for his lobotomy.

  23. ratadechapinero

    We shall never respect his ass. Otherwise he will damage our immunity system with the’toxic’ insult of broken-sounds of the terrifying duo ‘brit-k’. Disrespect for your life!

  24. HughJorganthethird

    “‘He hates his children, he treats his wife like dirt, he gets high all day,”You forgot

    Smells bad, scratches his nuts alot, say’s retarded things like “that’s fire”, he was a “back-up(not lead) dancer”, his parent’s were cousins, he can’t spell, he once had sex with a cat, he used to sniff glue, but hey who hasn’t man, wears socks with shorts, slanders Mohammed daily, listens to Maroon 5 in his car and sings along…

    etc. etc.

  25. Jeremy1Esq

    Wait until you hear his remix of 2 Live Crew’s “Mamolapenga”.

    He is proving to be a douchebag in as many cultures as possible.

  26. susie-q

    i swear he is just so freakin’ handsome

    “i’ll show you what i’ve done with my wife” … that sounds kind of scary

  27. susie-q

    #16 … hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaahahah!!!

  28. CheekyChops

    He’s such a tool.

  29. Go Sip

    You thought you’d be famous from Poop Poop Zao,
    You are Mr. Spears, accept that by now,
    Your rap is so lame, the lyrics aint nice,
    You could be out done by vanilla ice,
    So why dont you just admit youre no ringer
    Appear on an episode of Jerry Springer,
    You leave all your women, whether pregnant or not,
    You got with Britney when she was hot,
    Now that she looks like a stretch marked hog,
    You still wont admit that you married a dog,
    All I can say is that if I was you,
    I would run like hell before baby 2,
    You still can get away, leave your wife one and wife two,
    But your baby’s have a shallow gene pool just like you,
    So dont try to be a whigger dont try to rap,
    Or Some staight up home boy may give you a slap,
    Be nice to brit, and call her your honey,
    Go to her ATM take out all her money.
    Dont get me wrong you make quite a pair,
    Both of you dumber than a box full of hair.
    Dont get upset, or be depressed like a loner,
    Accept your role as a lame sperm donor,
    Your wife is ugly a bit of a slut,
    Cant wait to see you both on springer UNCUT

  30. Maeve97

    Go Sip-
    clap clap.

  31. LaydeeBug

    God I hate that picture!

    “If I was that bad, you think anyone, let alone Britney, would put up with it?”

    I think Kevin must have a HUGE weenie because it looks like Britney would put up with ANYTHING. Then again she is a big stupid fart sniffer so that doesn’t say much Kev.

  32. LaydeeBug

    Oh and WHAT THE HELL is a POPOZAO? I still haven’t heard that piece of drivel. Oh, yeah, I don’t listen to the radio.

  33. N2

    Tough Questions of the Day:
    On a scale of -0 to 10, rate these ?’s.

    K’s Talents:
    Producing babies?
    Being confused?
    Thinking and scratching at the same time?

    K’s intelligence level?
    Brittany’s sanity level?
    Baby’s chance in hell of any intellect given the parents it’s stuck with?

  34. Zed

    … “He plans to release his debut album by this spring, but without featuring his wife on the album, said Federline. ‘We have collaborated, … but I’m not going to put the songs on this album because it’s like, “Respect me first; then I’ll show you what I’ve done with my wife.”

    So, in other words Kev, we’re NEVER going to hear the songs Brit-Brit collaborated on. Very clever. Hmmm.

  35. HughJorganthethird

    The album should be titled “Ready for Backlash”, but this fucks to dumb to be ironic.

  36. Seamus Begonia Smell

    “The only thing they could possibly collaborate on is feeding each other doritos out of a banjo.” LOL!
    <3

  37. Seamus Begonia Smell

    “The only thing they could possibly collaborate on is feeding each other doritos out of a banjo.” LOL!
    <3

  38. carmachu

    Wow, Britney REALLY has sound judgement there and knows how to pick a husband….

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