Keyshawn Johnson Chased Down Justin Bieber’s Ferrari With A Prius

May 28th, 2013 // 39 Comments
Slow Down, Shithead
Justin Bieber
Justin Bieber's Neighbors Just Love Him Read More »

Justin Bieber speeding like a shithead through a residential neighborhood really shouldn’t require two posts, but there’s been an incredible development that deserves one, so suck it up. Turns out not only did former NFL star Keyshawn Johnson call the police along with several other neighbors, he chased Maple Knievel down in a Prius which somehow didn’t end with Justin Bieber spitting in Keyshawn’s face and threatening to beat the fuck out of him, so there must be some sort of mistake. He’s usually such a hard motherfucker. TMZ reports:

Sources tell us … Keyshawn — a former NFL superstar — had just left a party Sunday night inside of his exclusive gated community in Calabasas (with his child in the car), when Bieber zoomed by in his Ferrari at breakneck speeds.
We’re told Keyshawn was furious — feeling Justin could’ve killed someone — so he brought his kid home, then chased after the singer in his Prius (yes, a Prius chasing a Ferrari).
When KJ got to Bieber’s pad — he blocked Justin’s Ferrari in the driveway and got out of his car to confront Justin face-to-face … but Justin ran inside of his house and refused to come out.

Amazingly, Justin didn’t eventually come out and say, “Nigga, we gotta stop this black-on-black crime,” only to get punted into orbit, but that’s how you know there isn’t a God.

Photo: Getty / FameFlynet

superficial

  1. MoozBoy

    Next time the police get called by Bieber, they should refuse to talk to him.. thus allowing an oversized black NFL player to pummel him with no repercussion.

  2. Bieber will be dead in 12 months

  3. I would pay $50 to watch Keyshawn repeatedly punch Justin Bieber in the face. It would be well worth the money.

  4. sparky

    The icing on this piece of cake would be a revised title of “Keyshawn Johnson Chased Down Justin Bieber’s Ferrari With A Prius & Smacked That Lil Bitch Like He Deserves.”

  5. Batu Khan

    Meanwhile at Ferrari SpA…
    - Hey Legal, you guys heard about this Bieber kid?
    – Oh, yeah. We just got a letter from those jackasses at Toyota.
    - And?!
    - We’re working on it. This is what we got so far: To prevent further damage to the brand Ferrari SPA has decided to cease all US operations immediately and forever.
    - OK, but careful with the wording. Don’t want to sound like we’re panicking.

  6. God i hate that fuckin little wannabe punk

  7. JC

    It seems like a shithead who treats his neighborhood like a racetrack is a problem that should take care of itself. I’m guessing that his driving skills are about as good as his musical skills. Hopefully there are a lot of healthy, thick trees lining the roads.*

    *The author would still be pretty O.K. if Bieber got a beating from an NFL player, but getting his spine crushed by an oak tree is just as good.

  8. Figures Justin would run like a bitch when he saw Keyshawn coming at him. Fucking pussy.

    • In his defense, an angry Keyshawn would have me moving in the other direction.

      • Yeah, I’m pretty sure one of Keyshawn’s forearms is roughly the same size as Bieber’s torso. Dude’s about 6’4″ and built like a brick shit-house. I’d run too…but then it’s unlikely I’d have been acting like an ass-clown in the first place, so it would be entirely unnecessary.

    • Burt

      He drives like a jackass because he’s got a huge chip on his shoulder. You’d have one too if you were 20 but looked 13.

  9. ” but Justin ran inside of his house and refused to come out”

    You misspelled “Justin ran inside his house, turned his ballcap around the correct way, pulled his pants up, and then called the police screaming ‘there’s a black man on my porch!’ “

    • You left out the part where the police rolled their eyes at hearing the hysterical crying and mouthed “It’s that damn Usher again”.

      • Oh, some maple tears will be shed when someone thinks to photoshop Johnson’s face on that pic that JB wanted magically removed from the Internet, where it looks like he is Tupac’s prison bitch.

  10. Cock Dr

    When will a Great Whup Ass finally be delivered unto this annoying little shit?

  11. catapostrophe

    Some people just don’t understand artists.

  12. Bill Clinton

    Step off, motherfuckers, ya’ll should be respectin’ OG Maple’s music. None of this other bull matters, yo.

  13. uncomfortable in social settings

    brainless , rich, self – entitled clown with money . This will end well

  14. furious about everything

    IS there an active dead pool on this guys ? How can he see over the steering wheel? Ferrari with 500 HP will kill just as effectively as heroin

    • Moreso, really, I assure you that a Ferrari going top speed into a solid object is more effective than heroin. You might be able to resuscitate an overdose victim…it’s considerably harder to resuscitate someone with a severed head.

  15. Don’t fuck with a Prius! Brothers in the Hood think their the shit for a drive by shooting!

  16. cc

    Ooooh, there goes the resale value of the car….maple poo all over the driver’s seat. You’ll never get the smell out.

  17. judgingyou

    Why did they leave out the part about Justin sobbing and running to his panic room, aka the closet with the pot?

  18. blow dog

    “Amazingly, Justin didn’t eventually come out and say, “Nigga, we gotta stop this black-on-black crime,” only to get punted into orbit, but that’s how you know there isn’t a God.”

    THIS is why I keep coming back here. Year after year after year.

  19. Dr. Porkenheimer

    We should tie both Lindsay and Beebs to a couple of tractors, place them on a single lane bridge, and have them play chicken like they did in Footloose.

  20. shithead

    uhm.. nobody see’s how wrong this story is?

    1. keyshawn johnson was in the tonka shit with his kid ‘on his way home’ when he saw bieber zip past him

    2. he had time to go take his kid home hop back on his car and then chase bieber down?

    3. bieber the shit head in his shit head fast car, still got chased down even after he dropped his kid home lol wutt

  21. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi London
    rimShot
    Commented on this photo:

    pull your pants up while you’re at it you moron

  22. watertiger

    Hey, Beaver, you obnoxious little twat, Leif Garrett called. He wants his 15 minutes back.

  23. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi London
    Commented on this photo:

    Aw….somebody’s cwanky! Did the pap steal his “binky”?

  24. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi London
    johnh
    Commented on this photo:

    j-ho,rihanna.beyonce all kartrashians bieber jay z will smith chris bitchbrown flavor-aid,shoot them all!

  25. OK, now that the beiber brat has totally disrespected the Chicago Blackhawks, by stepping and dancing on the part of their clubhouse that they kindly let him in; and the Blackhawks players want to beat his ass, and many of them are from Canada, this little pussy has nowhere to hide now. From Chi town to Keyshawn: PLEASE DO SOME SERIOUS WHOOP ASS ON THAT WANNABE LIP SYNCHING PIECE OF SHIT. LET HIM KILL HIMSELF, NOT YOU, YOUR KIDS OR YOUR NEIGHBORS, THEIR KIDS, PETS, ETC. Hopefully Bieber will do himself in. Never said that before, but it is what it is. 20 years old and this many problems? Beat it off Beiber. Please Keyshawn, do all of us here in Chi-town a favor and beat his ASS!

  26. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi London
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m always reminded of my grandma’s Pomeranian when I see Justin being “restrained” by his bodyguards (who are there to keep his ass from getting kicked, not to stop him from stomping people).

    The Pomeranian used to peer out between my grandma’s ankles and yap and growl at people and other dogs. If the dogs growled or snapped back at the Pom, the little furball would whine and beg for grandma to pick him up.

Leave A Comment