Kevin Smith tells really filthy secrets

March 24th, 2006 // 131 Comments

mewes-ritchie-do-it.jpgKevin Smith was giving a talk at a school recently and dropped a few stories about how Jason Mewes (Jay from Jay & Silent Bob) used to be a hardcore heroin addict but when he officially cleaned up a few years ago he started getting way more ass, including a romp with Nicole Richie.

“I fuck a lot more,” Smith said Mewes said, “and remember it more. But I fuck a lot shorter too.” Apparently one of his remembered sexcapades was everyone’s favorite walking stick, Nicole Richie, who, and I quote, “pulled Jay into a bathroom and just sat on his dick and started going at it.” While he ejaculated in approximately 30 seconds and it was “running all over her back,” she didn’t notice because she “had had a few drinks or something.” By “drinks,” I’m sure he was meant “blow” but didn’t say it since that would have been a confusingly false sex pun.

I used to think Kevin Smith was a pretty cool guy, but that was before I found out he wanders around schools making up stories about how his friends do it with Nicole Richie. True or not, that’s not something you want people thinking actually happened. He might as well have told everybody he secretly masturbates to Hitler.

Source

superficial

  1. Proteon

    Dogma SUCKED!

  2. Italian Stallion

    Hey Nicole, try not to suck any dick walking across the parking lot…..what a whore that one is!!!!!!

  3. Lil Timmy

    She sucked 37 dicks… In a row?

  4. Jacq

    I call BS.

    Snoochie-boochie!

  5. happy_bunny

    That’s not Kevin Smith in that pic. That’s that other guy. Erstwhile sidekick.

  6. Jacq

    I call BS.

    Snoochie-boochie! Snoogins!

  7. Jacq

    Sorry about the double post – I got an error message.

    #5 – The story isn’t about Kevin – it’s about Jason – hence the picture.

  8. PapaHotNuts

    I have always wondered if she could stoop any lower than fucking DJ AM, then she fucked Steve-O. Now she has fucked Jason Mewes. Although I love the guy and think he’s hilarious, I’m pretty sure fucking him has got be somewhere near the bottom of the totem pole, closer to the middle of the earth. But good for him, because we can all agree fucking Nicole Ritchie is way better than doing heroin. Yea, right.

  9. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    It wasn’t Nicole Ritchie, he just wandered on to the set of Dark Crystal 2 when he was really stoned and picked up one of Jim Henson’s “evil troll” puppets and started masterbating. I guess someone saw him and made a natural mistake in assuming it was Nicole. Drugs can ruin your reputation like that.

  10. Captain Awesome

    Anything for good ole’ Kev to regain his street credit again.

    Maybe he can remake everything after Mallrats and join Lucas in a circle jerk ;)

  11. HughJorganthethird

    I hope she didn’t try to snowball him. Big up’s to Jay. To bad he didn’t knock her up just so we could watch her mis-carry from lack of nutrition.

  12. tits_on_snack

    junkie love

  13. Yeah this conversation took place at the University of Texas, in Austin. He was a real potty mouth.

  14. Yeah this conversation took place at the University of Texas, in Austin. He was a real potty mouth.

  15. Sheva

    No way Mewes is going for any of that snowball stuff.
    So he banged a new fusilli like creature.
    But she used to be human.

    Rock on Jay, rock on.

  16. hotintempe

    Why doesnt he have his own stories to tell?

  17. hafaball

    Why would Mewes even say he came in 30 seconds? Even I have to lie and say I went a minute in a half…geez..

  18. mamacita

    Man. What comes over famous people? What makes them think that the average person wants to hear about all of their nasty exploits? I, for one, could have gone the rest of my life without the mental image of Nicole Richie and Snoochie Boochies guy bustin a move in a bathroom.

  19. Nicole Richie is slutty is basically the point of his story.

    Ummm, newsflash Jason…..we knew that.

  20. Hahaha, I meant Kevin.

  21. Kimbo

    Uhm, I still think Kevin Smith is a pretty cool guy. It’s not like anyone DOESNT believe she had sex with Jason Mewes. And guys talk about their friends having sex all the time. I didnt really like how this article was worded AGAINST Kevin Smith. I think it should’ve given him more cool points, if anything, for calling out Nicole Ritchie for being a whore. But whatev.

  22. boredatwurk

    V-O-M-I-T.

    Sick. I want to poke my eyes out just for reading that. UGH.

  23. InsomniActress

    #9 – oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    That made me laugh out loud. Nice work.

  24. Did this happen when she was fat or after she discovered the great gift that is making yourself vomit?

  25. bloodyvictim

    doesn’t having sex with Nicole Richie constitute as falling off the ‘rehab wagon’? I mean, her vagina juice is probably laced with enough blow to give any joyrider a nice lil buzz

  26. staticbumblebee

    Jay is soooooooooooo hot.. i’d totally hit that. Over and over and over again…

  27. rickhatman1984

    I have a couple of comments.
    A) Why the f*ck doesn’t my school get Kevin Smith to come? Show Western Kentucky University some love Silent Bob.

    B) Why are all these people doubting that Jay f*cked Nicole Richie? I mean if Kevin had said that Jay had bumped uglies with Scarlett Johanson or Reese Witherspoon or something, I could see people doubting that, but come on. If I was out somewhere I could probably do Nicole Richie, and I have none of the mad Jedi skills of the bluntman. If for no other reason she had sex with him so she could brag about it to Paris, who would then make a vain attempt to hook up with Silent Bob and the go home and make herself a peanut butter and crack sandwich.
    C) Clerks II, biznatches!

    Snoochie boochies

  28. If Paris did Nicole (what a thought) then does Jason Mewes have the giving-gift too? I’m busy constructing one of those “situation maps” (think of Stephen Rea’s character’s cop office in ‘V for Vendetta’) a big white board with the Pink Pustule at the center, and lines running out to Paris the Greek, Stavros, Nicole, Nicky (yikes!), Lindsey (and from her back to Nicky and Paris’ mom via Bruce) …..

    Its a kind of Kevin Bacon game. Now, how would you link Josh into the diagram, and does it explain why Scarlet is pissed? Alternatively, triple-chocolate-fudge-dipped-brownie points if you can ink in Kevin and any Brit politician via a Scottish golf course masseuse (who we will just call McAnon).

  29. staticbumblebee

    Actually, Jason Mewes was with Paris Hilton, too… Google his name, you’ll see.

  30. ESQ

    True or not, I think it is wrong to talk shit about your friends. I also thought Kevin was the more together one of the two. But to hear him talk shit like that I think is just wrong. Besides who would want to admit she fucked Jay.

  31. bella420

    #28-
    so basically what you are saying is Jason Mewes has herpes?

  32. bella420

    #28- so basically what you are saying is jason mewes has herpes

  33. What in the heck kind of “school” was he at giving that kind of “talk”…? geez…

    -ABT

  34. gigi

    #33 – Kevin tours colleges and talks about… random… stuff. He even has a semi-boring DVD out showcasing several of those tours and his discussions. That being said, I believe Kevin completely. Why? Because it’s just gross enough to be true. Jason is just THAT nasty. AND so is she.
    And why is it so hard for some of you to believe Nicole & Jason fucked? Seriously? Is this your first time on the site? Look, the truth is Nicole is just like a half degree less skanky than Paris Hilton. And “hollywood” people fuck around ALL THE TIME. Just the way it is.

  35. krisdylee

    Given the choice of banging Nicole or being a heroin junkie…. hmmmm… heroin’s not THAT bad, right????

  36. krisdylee

    wonder if he thinks she’s a MILF????

  37. Jewbacca

    Kevin Smith, 1996 called, they want their money back for mallrats.

  38. Jewbacca

    Kevin Smith, 1996 called, they want their money back for mallrats.

  39. LoneWolf

    The idea of Nicole Ritchie sitting on some guy’s lap while he’s on a toilet, skirt hiked up, wearing a pair of stilettoes, jizz running down her back, both repulses and arouses me.

    Okay, maybe I’m overthinking it.

  40. BarbadoSlim

    oh she’s such a slut, even so, no one can split apart the heterosexual life partners Jay and Silent Bob.

    snoooogens.

  41. Ms Crackalackin

    Mewes who?

  42. Pez_D_Spencer

    Actually got to do some shots with Jason at a buddy’s bar. Pretty nice guy, if a bit strung out. He also had a pretty nice little harem by the end of the night, so I’d definitely agree that he probably popped Nicole.

    One thing puzzles me, though. How is it that K. Smith has the two of them having sex on a toilet and he doesn’t even mention the term “Blumpkin”? I thought he was supposed to be sort of a vulgarity gourmet!

  43. PBlo

    #13, this wasn’t at UT-Austin, it was at the University of Pennsylvania (I’d know, I was in the front row). Hee larious.

    And although I’m not sure if K-Smith does in fact masturbate to Hitler, he did mention that as long as Hitler liked one of his movies, he’d think “hey, that guy’s not so bad!”

  44. D3C4K

    #35, Nicole Ritchie used to BE a heroin junkie, so I’m not sure those are viable options.

  45. derekd

    I’m just upset he didn’t save that load for her face. 30 seconds?!?! No wonder he was on dope.

  46. She Who Dares

    “Jason Mewes (Jay from Jay & Silent Bob) used to be a hardcore heroin addict but when he officially cleaned up a few years ago he started getting way more ass”

    Surely the most important factor, is that Jay dragged himself out of addiction. No small feat, and good for him getting more ass in the process. Bonus.

  47. Mewes has 3 years sobriety and thats what you trogladytes gotta say? How about, “good for you” oir “you banged her too.”

    But somehow a story about a guy whose life is turned around is nothing, and premature ejaculation is a story.

    It consoles me to know if your dad’s had pulled a Jay, I wouldn’t even have to respond to most of you tards.

    Adam

  48. EHsed

    #43 – “this wasn’t at UT-Austin, it was at the University of Pennsylvania (I’d know, I was in the front row). Hee larious.”

    Jeez the Ivy League’s REALLY gone downhill if this is what constitutes a guest lecturer. I’m sure it was connected to one of those liberal studies survey courses they have now titled something like “The Heroin Addict and the Slut: Examining World Politics and Gender Dichotomies through the Lens of Hollywood Has Been’s.”

  49. Please – could this have been taken anymore out of context?
    Perhaps you should have listened to the full 30 minute story before posting this crap. Then maybe you would have got the true message which is how proud Kevin is of his best friend for having the strength and courage to drag himself out of a life threatening addiction.
    Well done Jay and well done Kevin.

  50. EHsed

    #49 – You’ve got a little something on your lips there that you might want to wipe off – it looks like a bit of gold-plated feces from kissing so much celebrity ass.

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