Kevin Smith is so fat…

October 20th, 2008 // 49 Comments

Kevin Smith has committed himself to losing weight after he wraps up doing press for his latest film Zack and Miri Make a Porno. On his blog he writes, “I’ve porked the f**k out, man. I’m really, really fat right now. Fattest I’ve ever been.” Kevin also revealed to WENN (via IMDB) about the life-changing incident that set him on this path:

The Clerks director was playing poker at a friend’s Los Angeles DVD and comic book store when he was taken short and excused himself. But when he saw the toilet bowl, which jutted out from a wall, he feared the worst – and the worst happened.
Red-faced Smith recalls, “That kind of toilet, with no base, is no friend to a fat man.”
And when he sat on the lavatory, it groaned and creaked and then came away from the wall.
“The contents of the bowl was dangerously (rocking in the bowl). I’m trapped, I’m panicked and I hear somebody, like, on the other side of the door going, ‘Everything Ok in there?’ I’ve gotta throw myself off the toilet… and I do it and I hit the door.”
Eventually, his pal came to see what the commotion was: “I just point to the bowl and he looks at it and looks at the terror in my face and he realises we have a business relationship together and he goes, ‘Nobody ever needs to know about this.’ That was the moment, where I was like, ‘I got to lose some weight.’ I broke the porcelain in half.”

Good God. Though I gotta say, if I were Kevin Smith, the incident that would’ve scared me right onto the treadmill would’ve been the day I looked down and went “When did my penis turn into a bucket of KFC?” Unless of course chicks dig that. In which case, ladies?

Thanks to Sean who’s not even supposed to be here today.

Photo: WENN
superficial

  1. killerabbit

    Kevin Smith is sooo fat…How fat is he??

  2. NY Ted

    I seen him on Leno last week…he almost broke the guest chair into splinters! His head looked like a marble on a bowling ball…!!!

  3. NY Ted

    I seen him on Leno last week…he almost broke the guest chair into splinters!
    His head looked like a marble sitting on a bowling ball…!

  4. who the hell is kevin smith?

  5. You could throw Kevin in the river, and skim fat for weeks….

  6. mamadough

    those wide-leg pants/shorts, whatever the hell, are AWFUL for his figure. i bet he poops whole corn cobs.

  7. CaptainMorgan

    …well, if he’d just stop eating babies….

  8. ghgggggggggg

    its all because of his new fat ass tv. u should have seen it. its hugeeee. and with huge i mean MA-HUSSIVE. its bigger than him!

    no lie.

  9. totally on topic

    Which one is a “good guy” from a “pro-America” part of the country, as Palin would put it:

    “I’m also troubled by, not what Senator McCain says, but what members of the party say, and it is permitted to be said. Such things as ‘Well you know that Mr. Obama is a Muslim.’ Well the correct answer is ‘He is not a Muslim, he’s a Christian, he’s always been a Christian.’ But the really right answer is ‘What if he is? Is there something wrong with being a Muslim in this country?’ The answer is ‘No. That’s not America.’ Is there something wrong with some 7-year old Muslim-American kid believing that he or she can be president? Yet I have heard senior members of my own party drop the suggestion he’s a Muslim and he might be associated with terrorists. This is not the way we should be doing it in America.

    “I feel strongly about this particular point because of a picture I saw in a magazine. It was a photo-essay about troops who were serving in Iraq and Afghanistan. And one picture at the tail end of this photo essay was of a mother in Arlington Cemetery and she had her head on the headstone of her son’s grave. And as the picture focused in you can see the writing on the headstone. And it gave his awards, Purple Heart, Bronze Star, showed that he died in Iraq, gave his date of birth, date of death. He was 20 years old. And then at the very top of the headstone, it didn’t have a Christian cross, it didn’t have a Star of David. It had a crescent and a star of the Islamic faith. And his name was Karim Rashad Sultan Khan. And he was an American, he was born in New Jersey, he was 14 at the time of 9/11 and he waited until he can go serve his country and he gave his life.”

    or

    “[He] says his endorsement is not about race. OK, fine. I am now researching his past endorsements to see if I can find all the inexperienced, very liberal, white candidates he has endorsed. I’ll let you know what I come up with.

    “I was also unaware of his dislike for John Roberts, Clarence Thomas, Samuel Alito, Anthony Kennedy and Antonin Scalia. I guess he also regrets Reagan and Bush making him a four-star and secretary of state and appointing his son to head the FCC. Yes, let’s hear it for transformational figures.”

  10. Nate

    I understand the reference!

  11. daharia

    I’d do him

  12. Here ya go

    That fat lump of shit would be perfect with Sarah Silverman

  13. Rabbit

    Well, Jay always referred to Silent Bob as “Lunchbox” so I guess its even more fitting now…

  14. Jamie's Uterus

    I thought that was Kim Kardashian, before she gets her weekly electrolysis and inserts her body shaping devices? Girls of her ethnicity have an issue with unwanted facial hair you know…..and the hips, yeah, it’s her..!

  15. See, kids, that’s what making movies does for your health. The film doesn’t edit itself, y’know, it takes buns on seats. Big buns,

  16. Herman

    His films suck and he’s a douche.

  17. Gretchen

    His commentary on Donnie Darko was that of a douche

  18. brian

    anyone who wants to crack wise ass comments at my main man kev, can suck my big fat cock! the dude may have packed on a little weight, but when you get mad money for making great flicks what else is there to do but sit back smoke some pot and munch the fuck out on all kinds of unhealthy shit!! fuck the haters! kevin smith is a hilarious dude, the weekly smodcasts are awesome, the movies- though years between them are worth the wait, basically every thing he touches turns to gold, unfortunately some would say he must have a golden appetite but suck it

    fuck yourselves you ignorant fucks

    Brian

  19. Dick Bush

    He huffs ice cream cocks.

    Vote Republican in ’08!!!!

  20. Tyler

    He’s a hot ass bear, and funny. Funny is a more important personality trait than ass size. Most thinner Hollyweird actors are so fucking boring. I’ll take this dude anyday

  21. Mama Pinkus

    He’s been wearing the same outfit in ever-increasing sizes since 1990.

  22. hilter

    As a really don’t know this guy, I won’t malign his character. I will say this though. I was in a restaurant on Sunset just west of Fairfax two years ago. The place is called “The Griddle”. He and his wife were sitting across from us. One of the grossest displays ever. It was a good 90 degress outside. He proceeded to order (for himself) a bowl of chili and a stack of Oreo pancakes.
    GOOD GOD MAN!!!

  23. Kevin Smith

    I think Kevin smith’s a good guy. Stop bashing the man.

  24. Jay

    LUNCHBOX!!!!1

  25. KickRocks

    nice shorts.

  26. jez

    Nice jorts, buddy

  27. Kahlee

    so its ok to be fat if you’re a man. Explain to me please why this human mountain isn’t being subjucted to the same cruel scrutiny as a thin or average woman on this site.

  28. dk

    This proves two things: 1 – there is a god and 2 – this god is punishing him for clerks 2

  29. owner

    19, STFU and give your hero some rim while trying to find his inchworm, you god damned sychophant. The boy is so fat he breaks toilets that aren’t industrial strength installations. You must be his gay lover or perhaps he is your fantasy boy. Either way grow the fuck up, shitstain.

    Kev spends more on groceries and munchies than he does on gasoline.

  30. Nik

    haha. fuck it. your cool. for your health you should loose the weight.

  31. This fat piece a shit is:
    ……….yep folks, AMERICAN!!

  32. I love two tons of fun

  33. Stiles

    At least he’s not walking around in skinny jeans like every other dickass in showbusiness.

    Or are those his skinny jeans?

  34. Go away Kev

    Kevin Smith is a waste of lots of skin. He keeps playing to the converted, as if there is a group of people out there who buy Clerks comic books and worship him as a god. I really hope that such people don’t exist, but if they do, they are so few in number that his enormous ego is still unjustified.

    His films are vulgar, ugly and inept, and now, they’re CORNY, vulgar, ugly and inept. The one about Ben Affleck learning to mature and raise a baby didn’t work, so now he’s going back to his usual forte — dirty jokes. Gotta keep that money rolling in to keep that wife who wouldn’t look at him twice if he hadn’t sold his soul to Harvey Weinsten. Since he likes Star Wars so much let’s call him the Jabba of indie film.

  35. gwaano

    Superficial readers: “That’s not normal?!?”

  36. Dannii

    superfish…….
    “When did my penis turn into a bucket of KFC?” Unless of course chicks dig that. In which case, ladies?

    uh.. nuh, HORRIBLE MENTAL IMAGE! thats not attractive. more to the point if thats whats lurking down ya pants you need to see a doc, stat!

  37. martinitime

    Nice gas guzzling SUV you have there, Captain Hypocrite. Typical limousine liberal. Do as we say because we known better. Oh, and give us all your money so we can piss it away to illegal immigrants. Fucktards.

  38. BMFPoochie

    Kevin Smith on Leno telling the story
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SbCFSJiftH0

  39. Kevi Smith Fangirl

    I wouldn’t kick him out of bed for eating crackers…his physical appearance doesn’t matter….his personality, wit and intelligence is what turns me on….dude is a fucking rock star in my world.

  40. sameshitdifferentyear

    He’s just trying to fill in that place, where talent is supposed to be.

  41. Philly

    That fat pig should hook up with Kim Kardashian. Their flapjack rolls should match up just right. Under all those flapjack rolls of lard are massive areas where the sun and air never reach. They could sink a boat by simultaneously shitting and pissing, which is enough weight to sink an ocean liner.

    Since when has fat, lard, flapjack rolls, tiny penises, low IQ and urine odor the fast lane to stardom and becoming a celebrity?

    Nice example of *Low Standards*

  42. Herm

    Those baggy-ass clothes sure ain’t helping his figure any. And how did he balloon up so fast? He was a perfectly acceptable size in Clerks II, a mere two years ago.

  43. Michael Conde

    I saw him on Goddy Day New York this morning and it looks like he has put on more weight since the Leno appearance, seriously. He is shockingly huge. But, hey, if the boy like to eat, let him enjoy.

  44. Michael Conde

    I saw him on Good Day New York this morning and it looks like he has put on more weight since the Leno appearance, seriously. He is shockingly huge. But, hey, if the boy like to eat, let him enjoy.

  45. Yes, he is quite fat. But seems he has many soulmates. HOLLYWOOD GOSSIP reported that most of them were found on the Internet, such as AgelessOnly.COM. It’s the best age-gap celebrity dating service on the Internet. Maybe it’s right.

  46. David

    I Just saw Kevin Smith Live In Chicago. First I will say his show
    kicked ass! I was entertained and my attention was kept the whole
    3 hours. I really had a kick ass seat. I was basically center stage.
    He did explain that he has been smoking a whole hell of a lot and
    I can imagine that us what has him
    putting on so much weight. Iam a big fan of his and I love
    clerks and chasing Amy as well as listening to smodcast. Kevin is
    awsome man! The poster that bashed him saying Kevin just is lewed
    and tells dirty jokes blah blah should go get a life because
    obviously you have paid no attention to Kevin Smith work the man
    Is super smart. Anyway the people that are such cry babies and
    are so offended she stay locked away ther little holes and quit
    making assumptions and passing judgement on others.

  47. Jackster12

    Hey Kevin… I doubt you read these things, but if you do… fuck ‘em. We fly all the time too and have been for almost 10 years now and yes, the seats are getting crazy small. That said, I saw some article where you had dropped 22 lbs after one of your movies… and then again, made a pledge to lose weight after snapping a toilet off the wall. Losing weight is no easy thing to do, and must be even harder given your public profile. But we want you around to make more movies, man. So hey… check out this site: http://www.344pounds.com

    It’s time, dude… good luck.

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