Kevin Jonas gets to touch a vagina soon!

- Kevin Jonas is engaged to his girlfriend of two years, and holy shit, is that an eternity of dry-humping. A lesser man would’ve shot himself. (Read: This guy.) [Pink is the New Blog]

- Gwyneth Paltrow’s mouth continues to be a never-ending stream of smarm. [PopSugar]

- Lindsay Lohan calls Justin Timberlake’s clothing line a “Macy’s brand” and “gross” on Twitter which would almost be an insult if Lindsay could afford to shop at Macy’s and wasn’t, well, Lindsay. [Lainey Gossip]

- Karen Mulder of Victoria’s Secret fame was arrested for making “vicious” phone calls to her plastic surgeon. Because insulting the man who holds a knife over your unconscious body is always smart. Well played. [Celebslam]

- Hilary Duff is joining the cast of Gossip Girls. Great. Now who’s going to play Meghan McCain in the Lifetime original movie Sarah Palin Fucked Me Out of My Own Room at the White House? [Just Jared]

- Mandy Moore on the cover of Women’s Health looks absolutely nothing like Mandy Moore. Unless she’s a 35-year-old housewife now. Then maybe. [I’m Not Obsessed]

Photos: Splash News