Kevin Federline’s lawyer has a secret witness

September 7th, 2007 // 66 Comments
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The Britney Spears/Kevin Federline custody battle is already the circus we knew it would be. Kevin’s lawyer Mark Vincent Kaplan is trying today to get a secret witness to testify against Britney Spears. The witness apparently worked for Britney after she left rehab. TMZ reports:

Dennis Wasser, who reps Spears, said, “Shame on Mr. Kaplan. How can he let this go on?” We’re told Kaplan made a play for the witness last Tuesday, but was shut down by the judge. Gloria Allred, who reps the witness, is about to address the court and explain why the judge should consider his testimony in the custody dispute.

I have some breaking news: I know the identity of the secret witness. It’s Tom Sockington – Kevin Federline’s sock puppet. Ridiculous, I know, but wait until he delivers his damning testimony. Although, it’s not so much a testimony, but a declaration under oath of Tom’s undying love for Cheetos. Because, really, at this point if you were Kevin Federline, wouldn’t you be showing off too? He could drop dead in the middle of the courtroom and still win custody. Why not have some fun?

UPDATE: Kevin Federline invited five strippers into the courtoom. He’s now riding an ostrich and throwing grapes at them. The judge is actually laughing! And, what’s this, the judge is presenting Kevin with a “Father of the Year” award. Incredible!

superficial

  1. THIS BUM IS LYING, AND BUFFING! HE IS THE LOWEST OF THE FUCKING LOWEST! HE NEED TO BE KISSING BRITNEY’S MOTHERFUCKING FEET, AND PRAY TO GOD THAT HE EVERRRRRRRRRRRRR MET HER!

    HE IS STUPID, AND A DIRTBAG JIGGAHO! WORD IS THAT HE IS RUNNING OUT OF MONEY! FAST! HE KEEP BUYING HOUSES, AND CARS, AND TRICKING HIS MONEY OFF TO SHAR, BROKE DOWN ASS!

    THAT IS WHY, HE IS TRYING TO GET CUSTODY OF HIS BOYS..NOT HARDLY FATHER OF THE YEAR! THOSE KIDS ARE GOLDMINES TO HIM! HE COULD CARE LESS..I BET YOU, IF THEY WERE BY ANYONE ELSE, HE WOULD LEAVE HER, JUST LIKE HE DID SHAR! BELIEVE ME, IT WASN’T JUST THE PUSSY ALONE..IT WAS THE MONEY! HE IS SO APPARENT! I AM SHOCKED THAT HE HAD SOME OF YOU [POSTERS FOOLED THAT LONG! LOL

  2. cocaKelli

    As a true fan of the site for many months, I am seriously smelling a Provocateur Troll assigned to certain posts. Not the regular trolls who interfere with the Jimbo-Frist love affair, Tranny’s button-pusher, or the long-lost Weasel-Wally-Stallion beef.
    No, a prescient “celebrity” or their representatives.
    Plants, rubes, red herrings, patsies, agents, hired guns. It’s going to turn into a fucking game of Clue over here. The goal is to sway the verdict of public opinion.

    Speaking of ratfaced opportunist Gloria Allred… 51… the entire Angelina-baby-bag post… Suri Cruise comments… “aw, cute”…

  3. I'vegottabeme

    I can’t believe that he had all you posters fooled for that long either – LOL! We’re practically a K-Fed fanclub around here!

    We LUV K-Fed!

  4. WOW – It’s really scary to think K-Fed could be the BETTER of the two…!!!

  5. onecritic

    Why are you people saying he’s ugly? He’s totally HOT!!!

  6. Matthew

    the secert witness is.. A bag of Cheetoes LOL POPOZAO

  7. lovelylacey

    K-Fed is attractive only in that white trash scuzzbucket sort of way. The kind of guy that will turn your life into a Jerry Springer free for all. No spank you.

  8. jrzmommy

    God damn! I said God damn! I sooooooo want to suck him!!!! suck suck suck slurp slurp glug YUM!

  9. FromOutOfNoWhere

    K-Fed aka Desperate Gold Digger

  10. He’s got issues, mental and or otherwise.

    (Come vote and chat at http://discuss-beauty.blogspot.com)

  11. Nick

    That edit is the funniest thing I’ve ever read.

  12. What a hot piece of ass!

  13. jane

    THIS IS NO SCAM… :) ….

    BUX.TO IS REALLY GOOD!! I also had my doubts at the beginning about if it really paid
    or not, but it’s good! It does pay via internet!! The only thing you need to do is have
    a paypal account!! You can get it here: http://www.paypal.com, once you do that, you go here:

    http://bux.to/?r=yutiprix

    and click on “Join now and receive a $0.05 Signup Bonus” !!

    It’s really easy!
    Hope you enjoy it!

    Cheers!!

  14. Exyank

    And now, after Britney’s craptacular performance at the VMA, she’s been photographed YET AGAIN getting out of a car in a short skirt and no underpants. Won’t that photo look lovely on the judge’s desk?

    Honestly, after the ostrich and the stippers, Kevin might want to do conga line in drag (hey, he was a dancer, right?). Britney’s just basically handing the kids to him… Do you think she maybe doesn’t actually want the kids and is trying to lose them?

  15. mia judaken

    juicy

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