Kevin Federline’s lawyer has a secret witness

By: The Superficial / September 7, 2007
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The Britney Spears/Kevin Federline custody battle is already the circus we knew it would be. Kevin’s lawyer Mark Vincent Kaplan is trying today to get a secret witness to testify against Britney Spears. The witness apparently worked for Britney after she left rehab. TMZ reports:

Dennis Wasser, who reps Spears, said, “Shame on Mr. Kaplan. How can he let this go on?” We’re told Kaplan made a play for the witness last Tuesday, but was shut down by the judge. Gloria Allred, who reps the witness, is about to address the court and explain why the judge should consider his testimony in the custody dispute.

I have some breaking news: I know the identity of the secret witness. It’s Tom Sockington – Kevin Federline’s sock puppet. Ridiculous, I know, but wait until he delivers his damning testimony. Although, it’s not so much a testimony, but a declaration under oath of Tom’s undying love for Cheetos. Because, really, at this point if you were Kevin Federline, wouldn’t you be showing off too? He could drop dead in the middle of the courtroom and still win custody. Why not have some fun?

UPDATE: Kevin Federline invited five strippers into the courtoom. He’s now riding an ostrich and throwing grapes at them. The judge is actually laughing! And, what’s this, the judge is presenting Kevin with a “Father of the Year” award. Incredible!