The Britney Spears/Kevin Federline custody battle is already the circus we knew it would be. Kevin’s lawyer Mark Vincent Kaplan is trying today to get a secret witness to testify against Britney Spears. The witness apparently worked for Britney after she left rehab. TMZ reports:
Dennis Wasser, who reps Spears, said, “Shame on Mr. Kaplan. How can he let this go on?” We’re told Kaplan made a play for the witness last Tuesday, but was shut down by the judge. Gloria Allred, who reps the witness, is about to address the court and explain why the judge should consider his testimony in the custody dispute.
I have some breaking news: I know the identity of the secret witness. It’s Tom Sockington – Kevin Federline’s sock puppet. Ridiculous, I know, but wait until he delivers his damning testimony. Although, it’s not so much a testimony, but a declaration under oath of Tom’s undying love for Cheetos. Because, really, at this point if you were Kevin Federline, wouldn’t you be showing off too? He could drop dead in the middle of the courtroom and still win custody. Why not have some fun?
UPDATE: Kevin Federline invited five strippers into the courtoom. He’s now riding an ostrich and throwing grapes at them. The judge is actually laughing! And, what’s this, the judge is presenting Kevin with a “Father of the Year” award. Incredible!
Deborah | September 7, 2007 at 2:47 pm
Fist bitches!
Riotboy | September 7, 2007 at 2:47 pm
He’s first.^
Ruff | September 7, 2007 at 2:47 pm
XXX
Deborah | September 7, 2007 at 2:50 pm
Caption: “here…smell my finger…huh…yea it does…smells just like Brit…hun?”
amaia | September 7, 2007 at 2:50 pm
#4 lol xD
amaia | September 7, 2007 at 2:51 pm
this guy is sooooooooo ugly
Barry LeFarge | September 7, 2007 at 2:53 pm
Secret witness? I bet its her crack dealer.
hannah | September 7, 2007 at 3:00 pm
Now!! I bet.. Kevin would want a
cheap dirt bikes than a second marriage with Britney… LOLZ!
cocaKelli | September 7, 2007 at 3:05 pm
LOL I WUZ AT TEH HOWZ
TRYN TO PUTZ TEH BOOGER ON YEU.
Dick.
hollyj | September 7, 2007 at 3:06 pm
Do they really NEED a secret witness???
Clem | September 7, 2007 at 3:09 pm
And that witness is Ronald McDonald.
Texas Tranny | September 7, 2007 at 3:10 pm
Here pull my finger.
cookievanderbilt | September 7, 2007 at 3:16 pm
Brit Brit’s life is like a 4 day-old bag of Doritos . . . crunchy, stale and oddly-scented.
Violet Sin | September 7, 2007 at 3:22 pm
Should that say “has a secret witness” or is this now LOLficial?
Violet Sin | September 7, 2007 at 3:23 pm
Oh sure, fix it right as I go all grammar nazi on you. I see how you are.
Fifth Stooge | September 7, 2007 at 3:23 pm
I’m happy to report it’s not me or none of the four Stooges.
FRIST!!! | September 7, 2007 at 3:30 pm
Who is messing with the colors on this site? WTC is going on here?
Where’s my lunch? Somebody stole my lunch!!!!
Jimbo | September 7, 2007 at 3:31 pm
FRIST are you going to get me a slice of pizza today????
jrzmommy | September 7, 2007 at 3:35 pm
You just know that about 100 times a day, KFed is saying “Yeah, I’ve got a secret witness – IN MY PANTS! HAHAHA!”
And he’s the…winner?
wedgeone | September 7, 2007 at 3:37 pm
#7 – You mean the photographer from Allure who took the pictures of her butt crack?
Gotta agree with #10 – no secret witness needed.
I just want to know who in their insane mind would think of let Britney open the MTV VMA’s? Guaranteed to get the entire show censored.
FRIST!!! | September 7, 2007 at 3:43 pm
Sure Jimbo, but they only have pepperoni, canadian bacon (don’t say it), and cheese. What do you want?
Avril | September 7, 2007 at 3:45 pm
Looks like TheSuperficial just got its period. I’m not surprised, it’s been kinda irritable and crampy the last couple of days.
Jaffo | September 7, 2007 at 3:47 pm
I bet the secret witness is a ham sanwich that barely got away. Oh the stories it could tell!!!
FRIST!!! | September 7, 2007 at 3:49 pm
#22 I know, and totally bloated.
No, seriously dude, change the color it’s burning my brains
Greta | September 7, 2007 at 3:51 pm
chester cheetah will come skulking into the court room in tears, trying to avoid britney’s gaze. they’ll ask him where on the doll she touched him…
LadyJane | September 7, 2007 at 3:52 pm
He makes my clit shrivel up and cry…
Texas Tranny | September 7, 2007 at 3:55 pm
FRIST
I agree, it hurts my fucking eyes.
Jimbo | September 7, 2007 at 3:55 pm
FRIST – I think I will go with the Canadian Bacon. I think I could get my mouth around a nice round piece of Canadain Bacon.
Sorry I could not help myself.
Is this page like the top of Avril head? I feel like I am a tampon just waiting for someone to pull my string!
Quick Cash Surveys | September 7, 2007 at 3:57 pm
Is it a trouser pixie?
Jimbo | September 7, 2007 at 3:59 pm
Ohhhh Does LadyJane’s clit need a hug?
Texas Tranny | September 7, 2007 at 4:01 pm
Yeah Jimbo………..
aaaaawwwwwwwwww
Poor little clitty, clitty.
Mardi | September 7, 2007 at 4:05 pm
I like the colors!
Alotta Fagina | September 7, 2007 at 4:16 pm
I just peed on a stick and saw 2 lines. Just because he pointed at me. Girls, look away, now!
veggi | September 7, 2007 at 4:17 pm
He’s so hot, it’s like looking into the sun! Literally! *swoon*
Annie Rexia | September 7, 2007 at 4:18 pm
WTF. Did Perez Hilton buy this site? Why is it so queened up?
p0nk | September 7, 2007 at 4:22 pm
@35 – because your dad’s running it.
Jaffo | September 7, 2007 at 4:27 pm
BA-ZING!!!!
No I'm not like that | September 7, 2007 at 4:49 pm
The ads don’t display correctly in a column either. Do you guys get that? It did that a lot right after the redesign.
hollywood_hillbilly | September 7, 2007 at 4:51 pm
Oooh! Is that his new ride in the background? Guess he had to get rid of the Federrari. In the cash game indeed!
Fodd | September 7, 2007 at 4:56 pm
Why would you need a secret witness? There are probably dozens of out in the open witnesses that will get the job done. Like shootin’ fish in a barrel.
sksksksk | September 7, 2007 at 5:07 pm
First witness….. Lindsay Lohan.
Frick! | September 7, 2007 at 5:14 pm
Ok, he looks mentally challenged in that picture. Anyways, he’s such a sleeze, and yet Britney is actually making him look like the (semi) “good guy” thru all of this. Amazing. All she had to do was keep her vag in her undies and take care of her kids responsibly, but she just couldn’t do it, could she?
Tina's Twat | September 7, 2007 at 5:16 pm
God. He is so sexy. Just looking at him soaks my panties. Yum.
Darth Hater | September 7, 2007 at 5:18 pm
I wonder if Ms. Allred is aware of the term “discovery”, what with her being a big-shot lawyer and all.
K-Fuck could could smoke crack in the courtroom and his secret witness could be O.J., and he should still win.
Annie Rexia | September 7, 2007 at 5:23 pm
@36. True. Dear old Dad died. Fucking fairy couldn’t handle the AIDS diet. Mom couldn’t wait to get rid of him too. He kept stretching out her underwear. Is that what you do to your wifey, you little faggot?
hollywood_hillbilly | September 7, 2007 at 5:59 pm
Caption should read: “K-Fed wants YOU to be his next baby momma!”
jrzmommy | September 7, 2007 at 6:24 pm
could someone respond to my comments. i’m lonely.
Victoria | September 7, 2007 at 7:04 pm
I think it is cute. I don’t see what the big deal is.
who cares? | September 7, 2007 at 8:17 pm
Does anybody actually care about this guy? Or his kids?
Captain Pyro | September 7, 2007 at 8:41 pm
Oh, shit, it’s Gloria Allred…