Kevin Federline will be a stripper

March 14th, 2006 // 51 Comments

kevin-federline-stripper.jpgKevin Federline says he has a backup plan in case his new album isn’t a hit. When asked what he’ll do if his upcoming CD fails, he told Blender magazine:

“I

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  1. At what nasty under a freeway overpass would you find that dude stripping? Probably the kind of places where the fat bartender stirs the drinks with his finger and they re-use fries off of old plates.

    Nice one Kev, you’ve got all the class of a used condom stuck to the floormat of a 74 Trans-Am.

  2. tits_on_snack

    Speaking of used condoms, I watched a homeless man pick up a cigarette butt out of a street gutter and put it in his mouth. It had been laying right next to a used condom. Like looking into the future, K-Fed.

  3. Lord Absu

    So, now he’s gonna vampirically suck her bank account dry, *AND* strip while he does so? Wow!! I think this twat is out to redefine the words “lucky”, “genius”, and “douchebag” for the Twentieth Century.

    YOU GO, K-FED!!!! SHAKE YO’ “MONEY-MAKER”!!!

  4. playahater101

    They left out the best part of the article, where he says that he gets up at 7:30, works out, and spends the whole day in the studio working on his rap album. At that he sees his kids and his old lady on the weekends. Must be a killer album if he works on it all day long!!!

    I can’t help but hope that he does become a stripper. A stripper for gay men. And that they pay him for sex. And that he’s the catcher, not the pitcher. So he gets what he deserves.

  5. staticbumblebee

    I can’t wait for his album.

  6. playahater101

    And WHY are his pants so low???? Is that really necessary?? Has he used up so much of Brit’s money he can’t afford a freaking belt?

  7. gogoboots

    Oh the horror…at least if he were a stripper he would be outta the limelight.

  8. that-dog-is-shifty-eyed

    Bahahaha! I love you Spindoc.
    I hope Kev he incorporates the “helicopter” into his routine.

  9. hessalhoff

    Are those man-boobs he’s growing?

  10. #7 – He’d be out of the limelight, but he’d also be burning the corneas of poor, unsuspecting women all over the country.

  11. Sheva

    Wait who’s preggers, him or Britney?

  12. reesestet

    There is nothing sexier than pubes that start at the breastline and end mid-thigh.
    Yummy, yummy Britney is so lucky!!

  13. Grphdesi23

    I don’t know what’s worse….listening to him sing or watching him strip.

  14. Grphdesi23

    Good news:

    He will only be stripping part-time.

  15. Grphdesi23

    I was just wondering….

    Will he be making house calls for birthday and bachelorette parties?

  16. bravegirl01

    He won’t be getting any jobs unless he gets rid of that nasty food-catcher on his upper lip…might stop him looking less rat-like…or maybe not.

  17. ellipsis

    Someone needs to make an anti-slightly off-center hat video just like that anti-emo haircut video. Douches that wear their hats like that are just as bad as emo haircuts, and I bet 75% of douche-hat wearers have emo haircuts right underneath.

  18. mamadough

    the thought of him taking off clothes in a manner that is as sexy as he can get (which i think we are dipping into negative infinity, imaginary numbers)…i think i just threw up a little in my mouth…

  19. bella420

    Good lord, just when I thought he could not be any classier!! I don’t know if k-fed knows this but you actually have to have SOME sex appeal to be a stripper, and something about that gock (male version of gunt) and those man boobs tell me that he is quite a few cans of alphagetti away from a succesful stripping career! Might I speak for all human beings when I say EEEWWWWWW!!!!!

  20. Xanthia

    Thank You Hessalhoff!!! I was looking at him and wondering – – where is his “training bra”? HE NEEDS ONE!

    And someone get the boy a couple of lengths of rope – one to hold up his manpri’s and one to wrap around his neck while everyone takes turns tightening it.

  21. cat

    oh for sh*ts sake. when will these two be all growed up so they can dress themselves….

  22. Uhm…. Being from Miami, the stripclub capital of the world. Men and women. Kevin Federline would get laughed off stage at LaBare.

  23. OMG…#20! Please let me know when the tightening festivities begin…I don’t want to be late!

  24. CCClub

    Nasty Ponch, No Pecs, pants around his knees. What F’ing loser. I have never hated anyone from a photo until now. Why would anyone want to watch that dance? Ooh, maybe to gunfire, or just plain on fire.

  25. Sanibel

    #6…He has to wait until next month’s allowance from Brit for the belt perhaps.

    Around here if you wear it that low you usually have on a longer shirt to cover MOST of it up. Must be the hillbilly spin on it.

  26. chiris

    He’s got girl’s tits

  27. sugarbuzz

    This guy is the biggest joke in history. This is gonna be bigger then Vanilla Ice and the Spice Girls having a kid. Fucking beyond fake! The funniest part is he and Twitney are the only 2 people who don’t understand how far beyond washed-up/never-has been they’ve become. Not to mention the whole out of shape thing. Straight 2008 homey!!!

  28. ESQ

    The thought of K-Fed dancing to “Too Sexy for My Shirt” makes me almost piss my pants. At least this bastard will be pulling his weight, but sadly probably not as most strippers put most of their money up their noses it’s all part of the job.

  29. Quiggie

    Well, he may as well put on his G-String now, because he sucks as an artist. Everybody knows it, including his unsanitary ass wife.

  30. Zed

    Is HE the pregnant one or Britney?

    Just checkin’…

  31. ranesing

    And he told her SHE was fat????????????

  32. playahater101

    This asshole must have stock in fruit of the loom. How many wife beaters does one man need?

  33. BarbadoSlim

    “Used condom…74 Trans Am..”

    That ladies and gentlemen is what’s commonly known as comedy gold, it’s the actual model year of the Trans Am that brings it all together.

    You sir are a genius, keep’em commin’

  34. VanillaSalTyBaLLs

    OK … who was the first idiot to buy a lid 4 sizes too big and then tilt it…

  35. VanillaSalTyBaLLs

    because they aren’t half as retarded as the people who looked at that and said … wow that looks cool…..

  36. BarbadoSlim

    Sadly this are the same folks who come up with new “slang” as well. They should all be shot on sight, their bodies left unburied as a reminder to the next clown who tries to start any new fad.

  37. Dee

    so sad….suddenly, watching that video of him rocking out to his own song doesn’t seem as bad as envisioning him with a g-string on, shaking those boobies….

  38. Nurse Kellie

    So pants start at the knee??? DOH!!!!!

  39. downshine

    i want him to have my babies….hey if he can do it to britney why cant i do it to him?

  40. mamacita

    #35

    Hear hear!!! The people who looked at that and said ‘wow that’s cool’ are the same people who wore out that damn trucker hat fad…..which was pretty much about 5 minutes after it started.

  41. happyday

    no, really, why are his pants so low? I don’t get it. Is it like that part in mary poppins when dick van dyke pulls his pants down and dances around like and idiot with the penguins?

  42. DJTennessee

    Laff it up, fuzzballs…

    Dude will NEVER be broke. Women will ALWAYS have bad taste in men.

    K-Fed’s Mood: STILL GOD

  43. moomoovacaroo

    It’d be so rad if K-fag and Tom Cruise became gay alien ass lovers. Then they could put a couch on stage and Tom could jump on it while Kevin waxed the pole with his naked sweaty blubbage.

    Oops. That’s a mental image you’ll never forget.

  44. Seeing that photo gives me an undying urge to give K-Fed a titty twister.

  45. HughJorganthethird

    Who goes out in public dressed like this? I don’t live in the US so I’m wondering if this kind of thing is common place.

    Nice tits K-Fid.

  46. mw

    Looks like Kevin may be pregnant too.

  47. NaughtyBits74

    He is such an idiot.

    #1 – Exactly whom does he thinks will buy his CD?

    #2 – Exactly whom does he thinks wants to see him strip?

    Who is he? Why is he? Why should people care? He’s such an idiot and, he’s just trash.

  48. Hecubus

    IF his album fails? IF? I know it’s semantics and they were just trying to be polite, but is there anyone of any credibility who doesn’t see the K-Fed album lolling in the $5 gas station bargain bin with Paris Hilton’s magnum opus?

  49. maiden

    he is so nasty, she was so stupid for getting with him, paying for his child support

  50. Moksha

    How attractive…a fat cracker, a wigger wannabe!

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