Kevin Federline wants to be a producer

January 11th, 2008 // 65 Comments

Kevin Federline is trying to make it as a producer and no longer holds aspirations of being a rap artist. He’s currently “nurturing” new artists from his home studio so he can be closer to his boys, according to E! Online:

“He loves the music business and is committed to making it a career for himself, even if it’s not as a singer. He knows no one will ever take him seriously as a performer, so he’s working behind the scenes as a producer.”

I imagine Kevin is drawing on his experience watching Britney’s career implode to help him become a producer. Now he knows what not to do to succeed starting with Rule #1 in Kevin’s studio: “Don’t be bringing no white-boy dancer husbands in here.” Guy’s a fast learner.

Photo: Getty Images

  1. Gerald_Tarrant

    Why the hell not. He’s got a guaranteed paycheck for the next 17 years. He might as well do what he wants.

    I want to be an astronaut today.

  2. Don’t you have to have talent or something for that?

  3. Those who can’t do, teach..

  4. hell @! at first, I WENT TO THE SITE to get the latest news, guess what I saw? Heidi has her profile there, so many hot pics. videos, and blogs…

  5. He already produces strangely potent sperm.

    He looks like an insane Jim Carey in that shot. And he flashes that “dubya” every time he calls Britney a wench.

  6. Gerald_Tarrant

    I thought he was flashing a “W” in support of his homey, Wesley Snipes. Fight the power Wes.

  7. woodhorse

    Well, come on, he couldn’t be a back-up dancer forever. The by-products stand at 4.

  8. Dear Mr Fish,

    Why is it that when I wanna call Kim KardASSian a c0ck sucking come g@rgler I get the ol’ “Your comment submission failed because…”, but the asshole at #4 can post idiotic solicitiations with impunity?



  9. woodhorse

    #8 try rewording: “see nice and also hot pics Kim KardAASian gurgles come at Is it true? I have seen this around the internet. It is where Charlie Sheen got his cock sucking.”

  10. El-Coyote

    Is that gang sign? Seriously?

  11. D. Richards (Surgeon.)

    ‘Producer’.. Right. In order to be a producer you have to have a skill for making music. Federline’s just some fucking no talented guy that’ll fix his ‘friends’ up with people who actually know how to produce music.

    Federline’ll be seen, not only as a fool, but also as a middleman, and eventually pushed aside; hopefully resulting in a ferocious suicide. Who am I kidding? Feds will never be successful enough to be pushed aside.

    And even if he was, how much credibility do you think the public would give to a ‘rapper’ that Feds is touting? Not much. It can never work for ya’, Kevbo. Awesome!

  12. Auntie Kryst

    What the hell does a rap record producer do anyway? I’ve always wondered. Does he sit behind the sound board and say shit like “dog it’s not ‘unhh’ youz gots to be singing ‘unhh unhh’, then say ‘killz you wit my nine’, got it?” Is that the gist of it, and where may I submit my resume?

    @6 Good one!

  13. D. Richards (Uterine.)

    Yeah, Rich. I tried to use the word ‘Alleah’ (spelled correctly without an E), and was denied. That shit happens frequently.

    We should be able to say whatever we want, no matter how fucked-up.

  14. Mike

    #2 FRIST, I totally agree with you.

  15. minniememe

    i thought he already produced unwanted children? oh… it’s for the CHECKS… ok

  16. LL

    He seems to have a firm grasp on reality, which is more than Britney can manage. She seems to think she still has a music career.

    And I’m tired of the lame-ass, badly written spam solicitations, too.

  17. D. Richards (Neo-Racist.)

    Fuck no, #10.. That’s the sign for ‘wesside’.. Kev-Kev is hardcore West Coast.

    Audiences are stupid and go crazy if you show them attention regarding their location. Mentality!

    Feds would make a blackman proud; he’s making his money by hustling his millionaire wife. At the same time, blackmen would not respect the fact that federline has custody of the kids. That’s gatherer right there.

  18. Where is a good story of a Hayden Panettiere thong when you need one?

    Kevin Federline is a joke.

  19. He has the same haircut Britney got that one time..

  20. AlllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaahUAkbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar!!!!!!

  21. Gerald_Tarrant

    LOL@19. Same barber.

  22. Bubbles, dammit!

    So I suppose by flashing the “WAR” symbol with his stupid fingers means he’s not trying to be a gangster, either (rolls eyes.)

  23. Spazz

    Get a real job loser.

  24. Bubbles, dammit!

    Hey D. Richards, riddle me this….I’m confused…

    don’t producers merely put up the money for the project and don’t really require any musical (electronic, intrumental or otherwise) or is that only in the film industry?

    Oh and about my previous “WAR” comment, I think only the Neta/Latin Kings use that symbol for war. Mah bad

  25. MonkeyMan777

    WTF is up with that hand thing he’s doing? Is he having a stroke?

  26. minniememe

    That’s the “Whataburger” symbol he’s flashing. Or an upside down “McDonalds”. Yo, ya wan’ fries wiffat?

  27. Annabel

    He’s not taking up producing as a “career move” (I’m using the term loosely: for a career move you need a career): this is the kind of thing you do when you know the piece of trailer park white trash you call your “ex-wife” will continue to pay even for the toilet paper that wipes your sorry ass.

  28. Idiots like this make the Beastie Boys wanna scream BLACK POWER!!!

  29. At least the guy’s trying to make an honest living.

  30. Bubbles, dammit!

    28 – Beastie Boys are awesome…..

  31. PunkA

    At least this dude learns. All credit to him for this. He knows he has not shot as an artist, so he is trying to make his name elsewhere. Good luck to him. The pasty gangsta.

  32. veronika

    Why are we even talking about this dumb cunt?

    please don’t waste pixels on him.

  33. D. Richards (Lover.)

    #24. (Swallower) In the world of trash hip-hop the producer is the person responsible for making the ‘beats’. I know it doesn’t make.

    Produce that shit, boyee!

  34. Andrew

    Especially important is the warning to avoid conversations with this demon. We may ask what is relevant but anything beyond that is dangerous. He is a liar. This demon is a liar. He will lie to confuse us. But he will also mix lies with the truth to attack us. The attack is psychological, and powerful. So don’t listen to him. Remember that – do not listen.

    The only thing he’s producing is more Evil….
    There is no chance for a cure for him

    As I said, Have you ever heard of exorcism?

    It’ s an excellent day for an exorcism…

  35. Beautiful Deaf Girl

    What is this sign shit with his hands. I hope it means something to him because to me it means that he is a deranged mental case.

  36. smegma

    He’ll do fine, he already learned how to take care of helpless retards. It’s a smooth transition to helping rappers.

  37. hendero

    I thought the “W” symbol was for “wigger”

  38. bangthegenius

    based upon the results of his “producing” spawn, I would say he should go back to “producing” cheeseburgers for the drive-thru folks

  39. GunshipRadio

    That headline has got to be the oldest fucking cliché in the entertainment world. I bet by next week K-Fed “will want to direct.”

  40. Andrew

    Well, this Evil sign , it’s a symptom of a type of disturbance in the chemico-electrical activity of the brain.I n the case of Kevin in the temporal lobe, up here in the lateral part of the brain. It’s rare, but it does cause bizarre hallucinations of wanting to be a producer

    You asked me what I think is best for Kevin?

    Six months… under observation… at the best mental hospital you can find.

  41. sicasso

    Can all you fucktard douchebags please stop flashing gang signs every time someone with a camera phone flips it out?

  42. Bubbles, dammit!

    to 33 (smiles)

  43. Dar

    Guys–quit making fun of his hands. The poor dude’s got polio!

  44. mofoghetto

    K-Y is gross. Dude, clip your fingernails!!

  45. Darnell

    He could do this, actually.

  46. Bubbles

    Oh……my….GAWD….He’s wearing a pinkie ring……

  47. eastcoastgirl

    @28 That was too funny. lmao.

  48. Lowlands

    So far he’s pretty talented in producing babies.He should start a spare-part company.Big booming business baby.

  49. Auto-Erotic-Asphixiation

    What a Britney “cooze covered” piece of her “anal ooze” this retread is.
    He’s played at more jobs in the last 5 years than a Mexican Migrant Worker.
    This clueless anal ooze was given custody of two kids (I’m still coming to grips with him being the more stable of the two) whom he is destined to turn into clueless god damned idiots in their own right, just like their “daddy & momma.” (and grandma-grandpa-auntie…etc…etc.) Of COURSE he wants to be a producer…he thinks … this time … After all, he’s still trying to guess what he wants to be with Britney’s money when he grows up. He’s never had this much of his OWN after all. We did this back in the 1st grade.
    K-turd is STILL playing at it.
    “Gee Daddy …. We goin over to thet there swing set now and kick Momma again while she’s down there on the ground?”
    “Yeah …. We gonna go kick Momma again …. and we gonna KEEP-ON kickin her if she don’t give me my ….. Uh….I mean …OUR ca$h so’s I can keep on playin house…I mean “PAYIN-PAYIN” for a house” an gettin money for bein wit youz damn boyz that batshit babe-a-licious…I mean…me-n-your moma made.”

  50. Cecil

    What a pathetic creature. Oh well, as long as he isn’t producing any more children I don’t care what he gets up to.

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