Kevin Federline wants money and the kids

November 9th, 2006 // 135 Comments

Kevin Federline counter-filed court papers yesterday seeking sole custody of their two children as well as – wait for it – spousal support. He says the couple’s community assets are “uncertain” even though Britney Spears said in her divorce papers there were none to speak of because they signed a prenup.

“Kevin is prepared to go the distance in order to do what he feels is necessary to protect and safeguard the children and will not be intimidated or dissuaded from pursuit of those goals,” said Michael Sands, spokesman for Federline’s attorney, Mark Vincent Kaplan.

If this thing goes to court the judge is gonna take a long hard look at Kevin and Britney and just hand custody over to a pair of raccoons he saw at the park. And sure they might have rabies, but that just means they’re only slightly more qualified than either of these two.


  1. commissioner

    It just occurred to me; since Madonna’s out adopting orphans, she could adopt this one. She’ll never see him anyway, other than the yearly photo op she subjects the others to.

    He’s not black, but the other one wasn’t really an orphan.

  2. there’s alot of people thinking k-fed is gonna go broke but truth be told he’ll have at least a couple of really good oppurtunities to make decent cash simply because of who he was married to.A tell all book exposing britneys secrets,explicit photos,a sex tape.playing dirty after a high profile marriage/ relationship crumbles can be lucrative.

  3. BigJim

    Dear God, this guy is about as appealing as period blood.

  4. bigponie

    Earl and babies don’t mix it’s like adding mentos to pepsi.

  5. sexybitch

    It’ll end up remaindered right next to OJ’s book.

  6. jrzmommy

    Ed Bradley of 60 Minutes died. Boo hiss. That sucks. I liked him.

  7. sexybitch

    And yet Fed-Ex still lives.
    There is no God.

  8. hbomb

    The judge is going to take one look at these two and start laughing, really hard.

  9. jrzmommy

    Condoleeza Rica has named Michele Kwan as Goodwill Ambassador. This means she’s the Ambassador of Kwan!!!

  10. jrzmommy

    Rica? NO! Rice. Condoleeza Rica is the lady that runs the Pupuseria truck down the street.

  11. happy hands club

    I bet there are a lot of dumb bimbos out there waiting to hook up with him. Kids will just cramp his style.

  12. commissioner

    It’s always a goodwill gesture to send young women in tight mesh to spread the love of America to other countries.

  13. Brain Embolism

    Rest In Peace Ed…

  14. Brain Embolism

    Rest In Peace Condoleeza Rica…

  15. happy hands club

    Maybe I’m wrong. It didn’t stop Britney.

  16. jrzmommy

    hee hee!! Condoleeza Rica is a tiny island off the coast of Texas.

  17. Brain Embolism

    Rest In Peace Texas…

  18. danielle

    (yawn) Enough with the corny jokes. I swear, its like you people get dumber by the second.

    K-Fed, or whatever the fuck this impersonator calls himself these days, is just another idiot on the long list of thieves that are born into this world every single day.

    Yo, Yo, Yo? What the hell is that? All I have to say is take all your undignified asses need to go somewhere else with that shit.

    Eminem, Bubba Sparxx, Vanilla Ice, K-Fuck, Paul Wall and whoever the hell else: Are just Mockers of a stereotype that needs to be abolished for good.

    And you can go ahead and write down some lame responses as to what you THINK you know about a certain group, but then again it would only exemplify how much of a fucktard and thief you really are….and would only prove my point. So continue. Please. Do it.

    The End.

    +++>(i fed the trolls, what can i say? they needed a good meal.)

  19. jrzmommy

    did i conjure her up?

  20. TheEmancipationOfFirecrotch

    Why is it that male Caucasian babies tend to look like old men? Tater Tot looks like Carroll O’Connor to me.

  21. commissioner

    So I had this dream last night. . . I was sexually assaulted by a lizard. Not the Geico lizard; an evil, toothy, enormous lizard.

    Do I spend the one fifty to see a therapist or do I go the cheap route and have a couple of Martinis for lunch?

  22. jrzmommy

    fucking brain. hee hee.

  23. RichPort

    Ladies, please pick up your discarded feminine products when you’re done with them. They can really fuck up a good 69. Many thanks.

    Oh, and if you can lift your shirts too, that would be helpful.

  24. suzy

    #24, My Name is Earl is on NBC not CBS

  25. jrzmommy

    I’ll analyze that one for ya, Commish…I’m a doctor today!

    You have been looking at too many pictures of Kirstie Alley–who looks like a lizard– and you are working out your issues that you have after suffering visual rape by watching her in her fatkini the other day subconsciously. It’s okay. go have a the hydraulic lunch.

  26. whackjob

    How’d you like to be the next guy trying to tap ms. Brit and have to deal w/K-fuk showing up for visitation? If it wasn’t for the ex and a faulty life support system she’d be a perfectly good piece of ass.

  27. commissioner

    jrz- Thanks. For a minute, I thought it could have been buyer’s remorse. I did buy a sweet pair of Lauren lizard pumps the other day.


  28. RedInk

    Funny he’s not trying to get custody of Shar’s kids. His intentions are obvious. He’s sad.

  29. BigJim

    Tumble weeds roll by.

  30. jrzmommy

    commish: was the lizard tan with a lot of very silver, perfectly styled hair? If so, then it WAS Ralph Lauren.

  31. NipsyHustle

    #79 not that i think earl is smart enough to raise a crane much less a baby, i have to say….shar isn’t all over the tabloids for dropping her babies, riding them around in her lap, and having child protective servies called. so his lawyers have obviously decided he may have a claim for custody.

    yet i don’t think they allow babies in clubs like pure so something tells me he’ll be leaving them in the coat check.

  32. commissioner

    jrz- *slaps head*

    God, thanks. I can handle fucking Ralph. But if I have a dream about a sexual encounter with a couple of parakeets, please don’t let it be Dolce and Gabbana.

  33. NipsyHustle

    #79 not that i think earl is smart enough to raise a crane much less a baby, i have to say….shar isn’t all over the tabloids for dropping her babies, riding them around in her lap, and having child protective servies called. so his lawyers have obviously decided he may have a claim for custody.

    yet i don’t think they allow babies in clubs so something tells me he’ll be leaving them in the coat check.

  34. laikiska

    The Loser getting the kids? Well, he could get them, then try exhibit them and make fast cash, then nobody will want to see the kids so he will decide to just give them away. For free.

  35. normella

    Judge: So, Mr. Federline, why do you believe you deserve sole custody of your two children with Ms. Spears?

    Douchebag: Yo yo yo, juss call me KFed, y’all. I’m from the hood, ya heard? I spit rhymes like my kidz spit breast milk, yo. I’m ill wit it. Fuck all deez haterz with their hateration drinkin’ their haterade on the hater tip, yo. I’m da baddest lyricist on da planet, yo.

    Judge: ::silence::

  36. StanGable

    k fed may be douche…but what he is doing is NO different than what bitches have been doing to men in the great state of california for years. i’m kinda rooting for him to prove a point. bitches.

  37. sexybitch

    Bitter, party of one….
    Hold that thought until Ryan Phillipe gets his cut from Reese. No prenup!

  38. Flip21

    Taking into account the caliber of lawyers Britney Spears can afford and the stupidity of “the artist” formerly known as Earl Spears, there’s a strong likelihood he waived just about every single right he had in the prenuptial agreement.

    On the other hand, Federline doesn’t seem to have a problem working his way into the lives of rich women, so he’ll probably find another to latch on to.

  39. normella

    #87: I don’t condone any losers begging for money and custody of their kids when they’re obviously not capable of taking care of them.

    But he’s the ultimate douchebag. Period.

  40. @75 suzy – It’s on TV !!!

  41. jrzmommy

    I think K-Fuck just invented the next reality show–Dancing With Pimps

    If Kevin Federline is a man mourning the demise of his marriage, he didn’t show it onstage at Chicago’s House of Blues Wednesday night. Playing the role of a rap Casanova, Federline, who is seeking sole custody of his kids with Britney Spears, leaned into the crowd to touch the hands of women who were reaching toward him. Several songs into the set, he referenced his breakup with Spears. “Hey, I see a lot of fine ladies in here,” said the rapper. “You know I’m a free man, right, ladies? You wanna dance with a pimp?”

  42. RichPort

    The only time I want to see Earl dance is when I’m shooting at his feet.

  43. MargeAggedon

    Translation: Can’t get the bitch to finance my make believe career anymore so I’m going to hold the kids hostage and make her pay up.

    Here’s hoping her lawyers rape him so badly he ends up having to prove the brats are even his.

  44. PrettyBaby

    *Head Aches* No more K-Fag Please!! We can be certain that he will-

    1. Try to get the rich ex’s kids
    2. Do some wiggety wack interviews.looking for symapathy.
    3. Fuck Paris
    4. Be on the Superfish at least once a day with pics of him getting drunk on Hennessy at Pure.
    5. Fuck danielle

    All that Will happen and now it is I not jrzmommy that is the resident psychic.

  45. PrettyBaby

    #70 Funny lady!

  46. jrzmommy

    95–haHA! Your #5 is great.

  47. sexybitch

    Please tell me you see him being run over by Lindsay Lohan in the not too distant…

  48. jrzmommy

    shh….I’m getting a vision……it’s getting clearer…’s……it’s…Paris Hilton’s tongue in K-Fuck’s mouth…..I’m…vomitting…..I cannot stop

  49. sexybitch

    So does this mean that you and PrettyBaby have crystal balls?

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