Kevin Federline wants money and the kids

November 9th, 2006 // 135 Comments

Kevin Federline counter-filed court papers yesterday seeking sole custody of their two children as well as – wait for it – spousal support. He says the couple’s community assets are “uncertain” even though Britney Spears said in her divorce papers there were none to speak of because they signed a prenup.

“Kevin is prepared to go the distance in order to do what he feels is necessary to protect and safeguard the children and will not be intimidated or dissuaded from pursuit of those goals,” said Michael Sands, spokesman for Federline’s attorney, Mark Vincent Kaplan.

If this thing goes to court the judge is gonna take a long hard look at Kevin and Britney and just hand custody over to a pair of raccoons he saw at the park. And sure they might have rabies, but that just means they’re only slightly more qualified than either of these two.


  1. sexybitch


  2. BoognishRising


  3. slantingthroughdarkness

    And a beer. Don’t forget the beer.

  4. While he is at it he might as well ask for her career too.

  5. ayedoc

    sean preston is thinking “I’m gonna make him an offer he can’t refuse.”

  6. sexybitch

    The Fed-Ex stank don’t rub off easy. Never gonna be what it was.

  7. BarbadoSlim

    #4 don’t forget the smokes, he also wants an unopened carton of Newport 100′s.

  8. no one you know

    “Potect?” “Safeguard the children?” In that case, Federwhine better start on some schematics for the flux capacitor, go back in time, and put on a goddamn condomn to prevent these poor children from being conceived by the travesty that is their birthparents.

  9. RichPort

    I can’t wait to see him in court… the justice system will seem like such an oddity to Earl. I bet, juuuuust like Justin Timberlake when he got punk’d, he’ll speak absolutely proper English, like the true white boy that he is, in court. Then he’ll get outside and explain to everyone how wiggety wack Briggety Brit is. Then he’ll take a shit on the top step of the court house.

  10. If the situation was reversed britney would get spousal support.I suppose thats why he’s seeking full custody,he’s trying to play the role the female usually does.I doubt it will work but i still see a nice piece of cash coming his way.

  11. Deecag

    God, this guy is missing a chromosome or something.

  12. The “Federline’s attorney” needs a spokesman?

  13. jrzmommy

    “Yo yo yo, check this shit out ‘n shit…my ho Brit ain’t gonna be raizin none of my little niggaz ‘n shit cuz she unfit….yo, homes, I juss made my new rap, yo check that shit out. Did you write that down? What I say? Yo yo..check out Brit….aw man, you didn’t write that shit down? Damn.”

  14. carrie bradshaw

    On behalf of all raccoons, I must take offense in the statement that they would only be “slightly” more qualified over Brit and Fed-Ex to take care of children.

  15. jrzmommy

    PS: I hope he gets eaten by a pack of badgers.

  16. RichPort

    So this is the best Jacoby and Myers can do for Earl? I think I’m gonna e-mail his attorney and ask him what the fuck he’s thinking….

  17. RichPort

    If Earl wins big, any and all requests for future representation can be made here:

    Kaplan & Simon
    2049 Century Park E #2660
    Los Angeles, CA 90067

    Feel free to knock three times on the back door and leave the money in the dumpster.

  18. sexybitch

    You really can’t blame him for being so desperate, it’s gonna be a bitch living out of that Ferrari.

  19. tits_on_snack

    Huh. Doesn’t he have at least one or two *other* kids kicking around the country somewhere?

    Where are Ktard’s custody demands for those kids?

  20. jrzmommy

    K-Fuck just wants to make sure they’re raised black.

  21. @11 – Richport, good call. That was the best Punk’d ever, with Timberfake practically reduced to tears and no sign of his ghettoese slang to be found. You ever hear Eminem in court on that weapons violation involving his wife? Howard Stern (the one not claiming to fuck Anna Nicole) used to play the audio. Mr. 8 Mile sounds like every suburbanite I went to high school with. As for King Wigger himself, K-Fag, I love how his attorney makes seeking money and support from a woman noble. That K-Fag is “willing to go the distance” “to protect and safeguard his children”. Riiiight. Good to see Earl living up to all our expectations – can gay porn be too far behind once the gutter beckons?

  22. Speaking of Earl… There’s all new My Name Is Earl on tonight @ 8e/7c on most of your CBS stations

    A bored Catalina offers to help Earl with number 75 on his list, cleaning out a mailbox he once used as a trash can.”

  23. commissioner

    My jobless ex counter sued for custody and attorney fees and I didn’t make Britney cash. The judge looked him up and down and said, “guess you better get a job or two; OVERRULED”.

    I predict a similar outcome in Mr. Spear’s future. She’s got plenty of cash to bankroll a lengthy legal action; he doesn’t. He’ll roll over and play dead about fifty thousand in.

  24. Italian Stallion

    I wonder when Sean will commit his first of many serial killings?

  25. BarbadoSlim

    This is gonna do wonders for his …ahem…”thug” “cred”

    Yeah he’s rolling, it’s the Wu , Cube and ….Earl “spousal support” Federline


  26. Courtney

    Wow. So not even funny. God I hope that was a very well drafted pre nup. Good luck, Britney.

  27. PapaHotNuts

    It’ll be great on the weekends that Kevin has all the kids and his two kids from Brittany Spears call his two kids from Shar Jackson niggers and try and tie them to the bumper of his 1976 Ford pick-up and drive them down the bumpy trailer park road.

  28. Ramdonomo

    How are you going to ask for HER money and then want the kids, too? Dude, make your OWN money and then ask for CHILD SUPPORT. Don’t expect her to support you while you try and take her kids.

    What a fucking asshole. I’d expect him to ask for custody (like any typical man knowing he’s a fuckup in a divorce) or even JOINT custody if he had his own job, but that just takes the cake.

  29. @29 – Been there, done that!

  30. BarbadoSlim

    I hate to say this but, the enemy of my enemy is my friend, Sun Tzu?


  31. jrzmommy

    What the fuck is this nitwit going to do with two babies? Does he know he actually has to feed babies and make sure they’re breathing and stuff? Ha! She should blow his fucking mind and say, Sure, here ya go. She’ll have them back in a week.

  32. MandyAnne

    I can’t believe that he has the nerve to ask for custody, the kids probably don’t even know who he is he spends
    She probably woke up and realized that if she ever wants to make a comeback than she needs to drop the dead weight, it must be hard being the butt of everybody’s jokes. I love the video of him getting the text message…lol, he spends most of his time with his boyz, you would think on some level he knew this was coming…or maybe i’m giving him too much credit.

  33. NipsyHustle

    look earl may be willing to go the distance but considering the distance is around the block, he shouldn’t brag about that. brit has wayyyyyy more money to legally fight him all year long.

    he doesn’t care about his kids. how many photos have we seen of earl BY HIMSELF with sean p? and what happened to his oreo babies? he stopped being photogaphed with them when the white/meal ticket baby showed up. for all we know they could’ve have already been sold on ebay for a phatfarm tracksuit and a case of blunts.

    considering he’s going to be living in the crack in the pavement next door to the poor house, he’s not getting custody of nothing other than his funky drawers.

  34. LickyLicky

    He?s wanting spouse support
    Them smarty lawyers said that?s his retort
    ?Ticket sales are low? ?the news report
    His mom should have said ?ABORT ABORT?

    Stoopid Earl
    No condom here, knock up another girl
    He?s a wigger, make you want to hurl
    I think it’s great to watch his life unfurl

    Go ?head Brit (divorce this trash)
    Make another hit (divorce this trash)
    No more kids (divorce this trash)
    He?s on the skids (divorce this trash)
    Get yo body back (divorce this trash)
    Fix that rack (divorce this trash)
    No more cash for Fed (divorce this trash)
    He?s in the red (divorce this trash)
    And get your dee-vorce on
    Get your dee-vorce on?

  35. 3dogowner

    Why doesn’t he ask for custody of the two kids he had with Shar Jackson? The answer is simple. Shar Jackson has no money. Then of course, he never married Shar, so it would be harder to get his two with her. Not that I expect him to get custody of these two either. His party animal rep, won’t go over real big with the court. Kev is getting desperate, he sees his lifestyle flashing before his eyes. Britneys stupid. What did she think she’d be getting with Kev anyway. A guy who would leave his pregnant live in with another kid to raise
    for you, isn’t a good bet.

  36. jrzmommy


  37. @36 – You can “LickyLicky” my asshole anytime!

  38. pinky_nip

    The only thing in his future is a role on the Surreal Life.

  39. bigponie

    K-fed will soon be shopping at K-mart

  40. sexybitch

    The only valid argument he has for custody is because NO ONE will be following him in future, he’ll have plenty of time to strap both kids in their car seats at Starbucks.

  41. bigponie

    hey K-fed the Los Angeles Mission called they said they have a bed waiting for you.

  42. happy hands club

    I can just imagine him being a stay at home dad, on a tight budget and unable to get a sitter for when he wants to go out.

    When was the last time he seen the kids he had with Shar? I would really love to know.

  43. happy hands club

    And…whatever happened to being a man and supporting you family let alone yourself.

  44. RichPort

    Why do I keep seeing that episode of Seinfeld, where Kramer burned his lap with coffee and sued? The lawyers are talking to Kramer and say something like “Mr. Kramer, we’re prepared to offer you a lifetime supply of coffee in addit…” and Kramer jumps up screaming “I’LL TAKE IT!!!”. It’ll be just like that, but instead of coffee it’ll be Pabst Blue Ribbon, and instead of lifetime, it’ll be a week.

    To completely fuck with him, she should give him the brakes and Federrai brake shoes… and keep the fucking car.

  45. jrzmommy

    maybe he can pawn that $300K watch of his and start clipping coupons and they don’t NEED cable…..he can make it on his own.

  46. jrzmommy

    He has a better chance of winning Miss Teen USA than getting custody of those kids.

  47. PapaHotNuts

    I think Earl is as thugged out as Kenny G. At least Kenny G has a jerri curl. I really want to fight him in front of a bunch of people, and then kill him with a crossbow.

  48. Miss Teen USA

    #49 I resent that remark.

Leave A Comment