Kevin Federline turns 30, gets super-retarded

March 23rd, 2008 // 45 Comments

Kevin Federline is officially over the hill and celebrated this weekend at Pure in Las Vegas. He got totally K-shitfaced and made an ass out of himself in front of his friends/people who want his sweet Britney money, according to The Sun:

Swigging Jack Daniels, he partied all night to some of his favourite tunes, and was presented with a cake at midnight – which pals decided to smear all over his face.
At one point Kev grabbed a microphone and told the crowd: “I lost my voice at the craps tables and I lost all my money.”

In a surprising twist to his long drawn out custody battle, Kevin actually lost both of the kids in a game of craps. Their new father is a hobo who drunkenly found $20 in a gutter outside. A true Cinderella story. Anyway, he lives in an old scrap heap so, finally, Sean and Jayden will know the joy of a safe home. *sniff* Dreams do come true…

NOTE: I included a video (after the jump) the guys and gals at the Fresno Bee whipped up to celebrate the K-Fed’s birthday. Apparently, he’s a native of Fresno and those people love gold diggers. Just love ‘em!

Thanks to Heather who I hope one day will move up to the Denver Praying Mantis: A Fine Metropolitan Newspaper that I Just Made Up.

Photos: Splash News

  1. Who gives a shit!!

  2. Tammy

    Ew K.Fed’s gross.

  3. nipolian

    Kevin Federline gets super-retarded………boy there’s a hard one to imagine.

  4. No wonder the reek of no-talent and the vacuum of desperation were stronger than usual around caesar’s palace.

  5. Sambo the Ass Pirate

    ‘gets’ retarded? he was married to her for years.

  6. Auntie Kryst

    It’s a shame he’s gambling his childrens’ DeVry college fund.

  7. @6 Auntie, I think DeVry is a stretch for those kids. I think they will be lucky to get into the Bryman school..

  8. nipolian

    AK – Do you really think those kids are going to be able to pass the entrance exam for DeVry……..I believe that it consists of being able to print your first and last name. It’s a long shot, but I wish them well.

  9. Valley_Girl

    Umm, wow. I live in Fresno and as sad as it is to admit – that’s pretty representative of the city. Wanna-be gang-bangers, snaggle tooth hookers and really bad comedians……it’s a wonder Federline ever left. I guess you really never leave home.

  10. Sierra

    that cake looks DELICIOUS

  11. Harry Ballzack

    Impossible – He’s already Super Retarded

  12. @9 The place worse than being from Fresno, is being from Sanger. That is where all of my relatives are from..

  13. nipolian

    #9 – Since when did Fresno become part of the San Fernando Valley?

  14. Wow. It’s only 9:30 in the morning and there’s already 5 posts? Guess meth is really working out for the fish dude..

  15. luna

    his diamond earrings are fake hahahaha what a toss bag

  16. There’s gotta be a “cream on the face/ gay haircut” joke in here somewhere…

  17. Randel

    He has done very well for himself. His style of music is very origional and powerful. I believe he will do……………. ah, fuck it. It’s really hard to be a Randel troll..

  18. Sambo the Ass Pirate

    lmfao @ 17

  19. Grunion

    #8 Sorry but those kids are destined for Hollywood Upstairs Medical College. bet on it.

  20. Betho

    Am I the only one that thinks that cake looks like someone bled all over it?

  21. #17 epecially when you don’t even know how to spell his name..

  22. sherry

    come on the best stories will be when the boys write their tell all books…

  23. valley_girl

    #12 – You’re right. If S.F. is the asshole of California – Sanger is the armpit.

    #13 – Since never, dumb ass.

  24. nipolian

    Geez #23……no need for the hostilities……I was merely making a reference to your name……you know the 1983 film with Nicholas Cage…..You stated that you live in Fresno, however your name refers to someone that lives in the San Fernando Valley, if I’m not mistaken.

  25. granada

    I don’t think the white stuff is cake…

  26. Pixie

    I bet he’s sporting one of those Captain Kirk girdles to reign in that massive gut of his.

  27. Elena

    Believe it or not, San Fernando is not the only valley in California.

  28. Randal

    Congratulations! 30 is considered the new 20 and KFed certainly knows how to play the part, looking as sharp as he does. Talk about styling! That suit owns.


  29. NY Ted

    Happy 30th B-Day K-Fed you fucking leech!

    We should all be so lucky if it is the fucking vampires LAST!

  30. Alright!

    Randal…you are a douchebag.

    Seriously, why would anybody try to troll crotch lice like Randal? The original is entertaining enough for a while, and then it just gets sad.

  31. The Laughing God

    #19 Medical Collage?! The only way they are getting into ANY Medical Collage is with a tag on their big toe.

  32. tiffanyyy

    Ok…im from fresno and NOBODY gives a shit about this loser…and yea we all want the money so we can leave this shit hole of valley life..

  33. valley_girl

    #24 – Sorry, but the fact is I have 4 kids (not all mine) under the age of 8 in my house today and I had to take it out on someone. And since I can’t hit them – I lashed out at you. So, while I don’t or have I ever lived in the San Fernando Valley (they won’t allow me because of my thighs) – it’s for the San Joaquin Valley. That’s the San Fernando Valley’s ugly red headed step-sister.

  34. Alright!


    It’s all good. Take out your hostilities on Randal, though. He’s an asswipe who needs a good smacking.

  35. Valley Girl, this apparently speaks more to the company you keep than Fresno in general:

    “Umm, wow. I live in Fresno and as sad as it is to admit – that’s pretty representative of the city. Wanna-be gang-bangers, snaggle tooth hookers and really bad comedians……it’s a wonder Federline ever left. I guess you really never leave home.”

    The people who appear in this video are all performers, entrepreneurs, professionals, newscasters and good old fashioned working stiffs – the real people who make up Fresno.

    However, I give you props for schooling a bunch of idiots on there being more than one Valley in our great state.

  36. nipolian

    #35 – Everyone (except maybe Randal) knows that there is more than one valley in California. The reference was to the MOVIE that came out in the early 1980′s not California’s actual geography. Ehh fuck it…….nevermind.

  37. nipolian

    BTW – Refering to California as a great state is kinda like refering to Paris Hilton as a great piece of ass.

  38. Mary

    Everyone knows a gentleman does not match his pocket square EXACTLY with his tie pattern! Geez louise!

  39. jason

    This guy is cute. but i want to know why someone said on yahoo that they saw him before on a celebrity onaire dating site called

    WealthyLoves.c o m.

  40. Valley_Girl

    Heather – you need to be schooled as well. Entertainers? Newscasters? I saw a woman whose job was to find out more about Federline. Wow, call up 60 minutes and let ‘em know what they’re missing. . I didn’t see any local entertainers but it could be that I’m one of those “working class stiffs” who’s just too busy supporting all of the welfare recipients in this city to know who they are.

  41. Elena

    Valley girl, you can always pack your duffle bags and head for the hills. Noboby’d notice…not even the loads of welfare recipients. i’m sure there aren’t any of THOSE in the HILLS.
    YAY FRESNO! ha.

  42. MonkeyMan777

    Nasty skanky white trash lack of beard growth. If you can’t grow it without looking like a 14 year old trying to get enough to shave don’t grow facial hair.
    And on another thought:
    Since Kevin (K) = Shit
    Shouldn’t the phrase “he got K-shitfaced” just be “he got K-faced’?

  43. UhOh

    Does he only own one damn suit?

  44. Grunion

    #31 Dr. Nick Riviera reference. try Wiki

  45. Does he only own one damn suit?

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