Kevin Federline turns 30, gets super-retarded

Kevin Federline is officially over the hill and celebrated this weekend at Pure in Las Vegas. He got totally K-shitfaced and made an ass out of himself in front of his friends/people who want his sweet Britney money, according to The Sun:

Swigging Jack Daniels, he partied all night to some of his favourite tunes, and was presented with a cake at midnight – which pals decided to smear all over his face.
At one point Kev grabbed a microphone and told the crowd: “I lost my voice at the craps tables and I lost all my money.”

In a surprising twist to his long drawn out custody battle, Kevin actually lost both of the kids in a game of craps. Their new father is a hobo who drunkenly found $20 in a gutter outside. A true Cinderella story. Anyway, he lives in an old scrap heap so, finally, Sean and Jayden will know the joy of a safe home. *sniff* Dreams do come true…

NOTE: I included a video (after the jump) the guys and gals at the Fresno Bee whipped up to celebrate the K-Fed’s birthday. Apparently, he’s a native of Fresno and those people love gold diggers. Just love ‘em!

Thanks to Heather who I hope one day will move up to the Denver Praying Mantis: A Fine Metropolitan Newspaper that I Just Made Up.

Photos: Splash News