Kevin Federline to release new song

December 29th, 2005 // 25 Comments

kevin_federline_thumb2.jpgAre you spending this New Years alone? Couldn’t find a date? Well no worries, because now you can ring in the New Year with Kevin Federline. While, amazingly, he couldn’t find a label to release his rap single PopoZao, he’s now distributing it on his own. The song will be released on New Year’s Eve, according to a mass e-mail sent from his myspace.com page.

It says: “I love you all. The ones that Love and the ones that Hate. The ones that Fight and those who Bite.” The single will be available on his Web site, kevinfederline.com, which promises, “I am coming.”

From what I understand, it would be technically “illegal” for me to murder Federline before he releases this song. But I doubt any jury would convict me once they hear it. I haven’t heard it yet, but imagine it will be some combination of 1) drums, 2) Dr. Seuss lyrics, 3) pepper-sprayed monkeys, and 4) an old man peeing into a coffee can. Verdict = not guilty.

Dubious Debut [Page Six]

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  1. WaitWhat?

    I think everyone should stop paying this idiot any mind, and then maybe he’ll go away.

  2. Sheva

    Kfed please remember your divorce settlement payout is based on your length of marriage not your failed attempts to join your wife in the pop music business.

  3. derekd

    If this thing takes off I will completely lose my faith in the American public. He is such a classless bum. He doesn’t even pay child support.

  4. MortyFishbein

    I haven’t awaited a single this badly since I heard Zamfir: Master of the Pan Flute was going to do stirring duet with Yanni of 50 Cent’s “Candy Shop!”

  5. APINK

    Oh thank God that I have planned to hang myself from the nearest tree on New Years Eve.

  6. RenataCC

    Popozao is a slang for big ass in portuguese. I guess it’s appropriate…

  7. Zed

    PopoZao–catchy. Not. He does know he’s a white boy, right?

    Maybe a retitling of the single will make a difference in sales. Perhaps

    CrappoZao
    Poo-pooZao
    or
    DumboZao

    will do the trick. Maybe not.

  8. tuesdayup

    New Year’s resolution: gouge out eardrums.

    http://theobsessivemessenger.com/thenews/?p=36

  9. Captain Awesome

    derekd,

    GWB’s second term and The Dukes Of Hazard movie should have done it for you by now.

  10. Why does that photo make me want to go…

    “To the Extreme I rock a mic like a vandal
    Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle

    DANCE!” ?

    …is it just me?

  11. fatgirl

    I just want to see a headline that says, “Kevin Federline to release GOOD song”.

  12. LadySpankington

    Stephani!

    That’s so funny, it does! for me though, i hear:
    “Will it ever stop, yo, i don’t know
    Turn of the lights and I’ll glo”

  13. Zed

    I listened to a 5-sec clip of Kev’s masterpiece at http://www.myspace.com/kevinfederlineforreal

    There are no 2006 music awards in Kevin’s future for this gem of a song. None.

    I now officially refer to it as “Poop-PoopZao.”

  14. CelebGossipAficionado

    To f-in funny!!! Unfortunately, when his attempt at stardom bombs, he’s just gonna whoop Sean Prestons ass until he gets the “Federline 5″ moves right….(I know you caught the Joe Jackson reference. Don’t you love it?) PooPoo, PooPoos out!

  15. voodoochild

    Zed, I just listened to that clip and I roared with laughter, except it was that silent laughing that is followed with a WTF. I declare the term Popozao the new Santorum. Look it up kids. Look it up.

  16. Porcelyn

    spew

  17. kitkat

    Word to your motha. Although, I do believe he looks more like a New Kid on the Block. Too Cold. Too Cold.

  18. kitkat

    OK, I have to add this. On his site, is it just me or does it look like someone found random pics from a yearbook and a couple of photo albums and posted mysterious and strangley worded posts with terrible grammar? The posts read like my 8th grade yearbook.

  19. father booze

    At least there’s a good chance people that would normally care about such a hot single will be too drunk to remember it. Then instead of waking up the next morning hungover, they just won’t wake up. Ever.

  20. cat

    Geez, I really hate that kid.

  21. happysdp

    Ol’ Kev and Brit need to load up the trailer and head back East to Kentwood, LA. And maybe somehere along the trip Kev can find a job and start to pay child support to Shar. Poor Preston.

  22. CheekyChops

    He’s such a tool.

  23. moomoovacaroo

    this song is entirely brilliant, you all need to stop making fun of it. Not only does K-fed introduce himself vocally in a way that would make the late great Tarzan jealous, but he actually wrote an ENTIRE VERSE! Granted, the verse is only about 30 seconds long, leaving over three full minutes of blissful “po po popozoa”, but he managed to squeak one out. I think that’s highly impressive for an obvious qualifier for the redneck olympics.

    What boggles MY mind is how he can have so many ‘friends’ on Myspace. What do these people possibly hope to get from him? Other than knocked up and relegated to stirring chunky’s bean and hot dog chile in the back of a broken down RV?

  24. thatoneguy2

    i say we kill bill gates, steal his money and pay kevin off, that way he’ll be rich enough that he doesnt have to shove white trash rap down our throats while he tries (unsuccessfully) to get rich

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