Kevin Federline shows Britney how to win a custody battle

October 4th, 2007 // 145 Comments
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Judge Scott Gordon ordered that Kevin Federline will maintain full custody of Jayden James and Sean Preston. Britney Spears will be allowed visitation, but only under close supervision. The hearing took place yesterday afternoon, but one person didn’t feel the need to show up. Let’s just say her name rhymes with Whitney Peers. The NY Daily News reports:

“This was the first day that he had custody of his children and he felt it was important for the court to see who he is and to be there should the court have any desire to ask him anything,” said K-Fed’s lawyer Mark Vincent Kaplan.

Experts had told The News it would have been a good idea for Spears, 25, to tell the judge face to face she was ready to clean up her act. Instead, she was spotted tooling around the Malibu hills with her dog, stopping at a Starbucks and a gas station.

Britney’s lawyer seemed oh-so-thrilled when asked about her absence:

“It’s totally inappropriate from my perspective to make a comment on an active case without my client’s expressed permission – and she’s not here,” lawyer Sorrell Trope bristled as he left Los Angeles Superior Court.”

It also should be noted that during the hearing Kevin Federline was wearing an eye patch. Don’t believe me? Read the article. Yeah, he claims it was for an eye infection, but c’mon. He was showing off. Hamming it up a bit, if you will. It’s kind of sad Britney wasn’t there to see him dressing like a pirate and still winning. Oh yeah, sure, it’s sad she didn’t show up to fight for her kids. That too. But seriously, she missed out on Captain Kevin of the S.S. Superdad. Talk about a real loss.

UPDATE: TMZ is reporting that Britney Spears is checking into rehab this week “in an attempt to get custody of her children.” Man the harpoons, Cap’n Kev! The whale is fighting back! Argh!

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  1. Nat

    I’m pretty sure she’s got the new Starbucks Mochalardachino there. It’s made with 2 Hershey bars and 4 cups of Crisco.

  2. flavio

    seems like she’s relived. come on, this idiot has no business even pretending to raise children. she’s been a performer with a ridiculous schedule since she could walk, practically. she’s totally uneducated, has never had to do shit for herself other than dance and show up when and where her mama told her to. and she’s basically the mental and emotional equivalent, right now, of about a 14 year old girl. she wants to party all night with her friends, and be hung up on bullshit socialite crap. i doubt she’ll miss those kids for more than about 30 seconds.

  3. swan

    Check out the guy in the last pic way in the back by the yellow truck.

  4. Jackie

    #98

    You are being very harsh. Britney did not show up to court because she had a hang over.

  5. Whatever

    I can’t stand Britney, but at the same time I feel totally sorry for her. K-fed practically spent their whole marriage in Las Vegas -the whole time she was pregnant -screwed around on her -didn’t even know what she named the second one -wasn’t even there for the birth -and now that fucker is kissing her parents’ ass and just trying to take more of her money. I’m sure she feels totally screwed over by everyone. I would have a shitty attitude as well. She got played, and she’s in a tailspin about it. Now she just needs to get up take a shower and clean up her act. Which is going to be hard because I’m sure she feels like that asshole K-fed didn’t act like he gave a shit when they were married, but now that they are divorced he can exert a weird sort of control. He’s a manipulator.

  6. ssdd

    Pic 7 & 8, ridiculous, no seriously fucking ridiculous.

  7. block

    if that’s the White Chocolate Frappuccino blended crème – whip, Venti, non-fat, then it’s 760 calories and 21 grams of fat. that’s 1/3 of her RDA calories, and more fat than she should get in a day. and all those people who stop at starbucks on their way to the gym wonder why their asses are still so fat

  8. Sonia

    is it just me or did anyone else notice that her straw is still in its wrapper?

  9. ermalee

    She looks so ragged. In the frappuccino pic her fingers are all stained from mystic tanning and her nails are really messed up. She just looks really dirty. See what child stardom does? She obviously doesn’t give a fuck about herself, yet is really selfish in other regards. It’s sad. It’s like she’ll never grow up.

  10. Black & White

    #107 LOL!

    I think Britney loves her dog more than her sons. She spends more time with the dog than her sons.

  11. whackjob

    She was too busy on her computer looking at pix of Charlie’s erect penis.

    Love the mustache/goatee shadow thing on her in the main photo? So not only will she be fat and cheetos-powder dusted, she’ll be hairy. Great. Just the way I like ‘em.

  12. bint

    I feel bad for the little dog, he looks terrified. I didn’t give a rat’s ass about the stupid kids, but someone needs to get that dog away from her.

  13. WTF?

    I don’t wish ill upon her, but if she does take her own life I hope she does it as a suicide bombing mission and takes out all of the photogs with her!

  14. Mr.E

    she has the entire wrapper still on the straw…

    i mean, that’s the least of her problems but still, the wrapper’s on the straw. haha

  15. boo

    Is that GLUE all over her nails? And in the top pic, it looks like she just crawled out of a ditch. Her face and neck look dirty, with the white lines in her neck. WTF, she has the neck of a 50 year old!

  16. Daisy

    Did anyone realize that the wrap is still on the straw and the straw is in the drink? That’s just sad! I know children who know better.

  17. Thomas

    $800,000 a month – you’d think her ragged ass could send one of the security guards out to get her goddamn ice cream float of a coffee. But noooo, she WANTS the world to see her looking like xanexed out shit on a stick (and her little dog too).

    At least one of the guards would’ve had the sense to take the wrapper off the straw!

  18. Britneyblows

    Britney sucks.
    She’s 25, has two children who she doesn’t give two sh*ts about, is battling drug addictions, and a major spoiled brat who still causes temper tantrums. She needs a reality check maybe this issue and her failure at the VMA’s will help her realize she needs to change some things in her life, and that she is responsible for what happens in her life- and to stop blaming other people.

  19. Shell

    OMG WHO CARES?!?!
    I KNOW I SURE DONT HONESTLY SHES DUMB AND UGLY WHY IS SHE EVEN IN THIS WHO CARES ABOUT HER SHE WASTED HER LIFE NOW WERE WASTING OURS WITH THIS CRAP THAT WE READ EVERY SINGLY DAY ABOUT THIS LOW LIFE HONESTLY I DONT CARE JUST GET OUT OF HERE BRITNEY YOU SUCK LEAVE THE COUNTRY SO I DONT READ ABOUT YOU ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!1

  20. janny

    Doesn’t matter how sobber she is, she still is a terrible mother who doesn’t love those kids.

  21. Jan

    You are the funniest on the net!!! Brilliant!!!

  22. BunnyButt

    I wish someone would send that dog to me to make sure it’s safe, loved and well taken care of. And when I say dog, I mean the dog, not Britney.

  23. E. Normous Johnson

    This Britney bitch is fucked in the head.

  24. shosho

    she looks already dead in the pictures.. am sure she’ll get her kids back..but let her forget about her career..!!!!! for start off she needs to stop drinking fraps!! these shitty drinks have around 600-800 kcals!!! she needs to loooose weight not gain anymore!! God i’d love to be her nutritionist

  25. E. Normous Johnson

    I think Britney should do Playboy or Penthouse to help ressurrect her career. Maybe even consider doing lesbian porn. I would buy every movie this chick is in where pussy lickin is involved. After all, its finger licking good and Britney likes that.

  26. farty_mcshitface

    wow, in that one pic 2nd in 2nd row, she looks like she is about 45. i really mean it. all the kfc and cheetos mixed with gallons of booze have taken a substantial toll on a woman i once found to be quite intoxicating in her own right.
    she has never recovered from when dusty craterlake dumped her. shortly after that is when all the erratic behavior started. from the moment she married that old friend of hers that lasted like 1 or 2 days. to the kfed situation. that displayed a very clear lack of critical thinking and was an indicator that she was losing her grip which was never very strong to begin with. she will be dead in like 2-3 years from overdose be it booze or drugs or both.

  27. FromOutOfNoWhere

    WTF. I mean she is fine and hot and definitely booty licious. But her thrown together song is number 1.?

    quoted from CNN

    “” Her new song, “Gimme More,” is now a success on the music charts — despite the pop star’s turbulent personal life and the humiliation of her much-panned performance at MTV’s Video Music Awards.

    This week, “Gimme More” — released to radio stations in August — topped Billboard’s Hot Digital Songs chart at No. 1 with 179,000 downloads, and jumped from No. 68 to No. 3 on Billboard’s Hot 100.”"

  28. mabbo

    Well I won’t comment on her personal life. I think enough people are doing that. I will say, professionally, she isn’t dead yet. “Gimme More” just shot up the Billboard Hot 100, in like a couple days. The song went from 68 to 3, and will most likely climb to #1. It is her biggest hit since “Baby One More Time” and her last hit since “Toxic”. It’s ironic that while her personal life keeps getting worse, her professional life is still hanging in there. If she can release a couple more hit songs, her music career will survive another couple years, even if she puts no promotion behind it. The album might not do huge numbers, but it will sell several million worldwide. The video for “Gimme More” is officially released to itunes tomorrow and given wider broadcasting starting early next week.

  29. AmeriCanadian

    I noticed the straw wrapper, too. Amazing the stupid bitch DIDN’T notice it. Maybe she should try using a fucking reuseable container. Is the fucking drink BIG enough? Geez!

    I’ve never even tried Frappucino…I don’t like coffee. I only ever get a green tea latte with 1% milk in a reuseable container from Charbucks. Now that I know the frap is 3495450 calories I’ll keep steering clear of it. :O.

    I can’t believe someone with some much $ and free time has such gnarly disgusting fake nails and stained fingers.

    She looks like a two bit meth hooker.

  30. Catherine

    just what she needs another calorie laden coffee drink i think those kids are better off without her

  31. soy

    If i owned STARBUCKS
    I’d shiver everytime her pic shows her with a frapppaappathingey
    :( I’m just saying

  32. mez

    omg take a look at her fucking fake tan stained fingers lol. No wonder she looks like a fat pig how big is that drink. ewwwwwwwwww

  33. Dollea

    The last two pictures, of the vultures all over the car stealing Brit’s pictures are the most disturbing to me….What a completely obscene scene! Oh, and the one picture of her unsmiling holding that poor dog…….That speaks volumes, but it’s partly her own fault too…..There’s a lot of blame to go around

  34. IKE

    The media must make her life a prison.

    To the media: “I want to throw down your kid and stomp on his testicles, and then you will know what it is like to experience waking up everyday as me. And only then will you feel my pain.”
    - Mike Tyson

    I bet she feels the same. Hell, she’ s probably just as crazy, too. :)

  35. Alli Sims

    That is not fake tan lotion on her skin you idiots ! Its Coffee ! FUCKHEADS

  36. DrJava

    You know, the reason theis custody thing sucks is because I think she’ll have to cut down on showing us her ‘junk’ now. :( That is, if she is receiving good legal advice, and taking it :D

  37. Baz

    Did anyone notice that Britney is trying to drink a Frappucino with the cover still on the straw??? Clever.

  38. redsonja1313

    ok how does she not weigh 300 pounds. She eats nothing but fast food, ice cream and booze. There has to be at least 2000 calories in that drink alone. She should already look like Anna Nicoles mother. I think Meth and Heroine have to be the drug of choice or she really would be the size of a beached whale

  39. Elle

    She could at least remove the wrapper from the straw before putting it in her drink.

  40. JR Scrotem

    It’s ok, Brit. I still love ya. BTW did you get tested for herpes yet? My dick itches and burns like a mother.

  41. MikeyB

    What’s with celebs checking into rehab like it’s a friggen hotel? Do they live in their own little world where reality doesn’t take place? Oh wait, that was rhetorical.

  42. astella

    at least SKIP THE WHIPCREAME!

  43. McLashen ya bass

    Dear lord, image 6 is well up there in the “psychotic axe wielding loon standing in the dark outside your bedroom window staring in at you calmly before hacking you to bloody shreds” scary…

    Look really she should join the useless Spice “Girls” once the ginger one leaves again (ooh in a about 5, 6 weeks) alternatively and more reality based, she should get the feck outta LA and away from the sychophants, come on, she’s not a jobbing TV actor, most singers, bands sell tons of CDs and gigs without residing in that ere place…. ahhhh yes sorry… forgot, it’s all about the ‘lifestyle’ aye, bollox, what a trade off…

  44. Sweet Delicious Flower

    OMG, I really shouldn’t be reading this site at work.
    All this laughing will get me fired eventually!

    the-guy-who-bloggs-the-superficial – I want to have your babies!!!

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