Kevin Federline shows Britney how to win a custody battle

October 4th, 2007 // 144 Comments

Judge Scott Gordon ordered that Kevin Federline will maintain full custody of Jayden James and Sean Preston. Britney Spears will be allowed visitation, but only under close supervision. The hearing took place yesterday afternoon, but one person didn’t feel the need to show up. Let’s just say her name rhymes with Whitney Peers. The NY Daily News reports:

“This was the first day that he had custody of his children and he felt it was important for the court to see who he is and to be there should the court have any desire to ask him anything,” said K-Fed’s lawyer Mark Vincent Kaplan.

Experts had told The News it would have been a good idea for Spears, 25, to tell the judge face to face she was ready to clean up her act. Instead, she was spotted tooling around the Malibu hills with her dog, stopping at a Starbucks and a gas station.

Britney’s lawyer seemed oh-so-thrilled when asked about her absence:

“It’s totally inappropriate from my perspective to make a comment on an active case without my client’s expressed permission – and she’s not here,” lawyer Sorrell Trope bristled as he left Los Angeles Superior Court.”

It also should be noted that during the hearing Kevin Federline was wearing an eye patch. Don’t believe me? Read the article. Yeah, he claims it was for an eye infection, but c’mon. He was showing off. Hamming it up a bit, if you will. It’s kind of sad Britney wasn’t there to see him dressing like a pirate and still winning. Oh yeah, sure, it’s sad she didn’t show up to fight for her kids. That too. But seriously, she missed out on Captain Kevin of the S.S. Superdad. Talk about a real loss.

UPDATE: TMZ is reporting that Britney Spears is checking into rehab this week “in an attempt to get custody of her children.” Man the harpoons, Cap’n Kev! The whale is fighting back! Argh!


  1. Tommy

    Where’s your hat Britney? WHERE’S YOUR GODDAMN HAT??!!

  2. KamUK

    God those fake nails are disgusting anyone who wears those things should have their kids taken away and then adopted by Brangelina that is a given.
    I’ll take the dog because it’s too good for her too.
    I am so bummed I missed the eye patch I need to see that.

  3. Hecubus

    That’s just beautiful, showing up with a fucking eye patch on knowing you’re still going to get custody. He should show up next time in a bear costume sprayed with fake blood, he’ll still retain custody.

  4. Gumby

    Ew how about the fact that she looks toothless in the 2nd pic :P GROSS

  5. Julie K

    If she were not “Britney Spears”, would anybody walking past her give her a second glance? She is not attractive and her wardrobe is awful. I cannot even laugh at her anymore, she is too sad for words.

  6. leatherdaddy

    look at that neck. at 25 her neck looks like its 50. thats all i see when i see her. that and all the extra baggage (pun intended).

    and since i just got here, 57th!

  7. evilqueen

    isn’t it so damn OBVIOUS that K-Fed is using his own kids (as a tool) in order to get more $$$ which he can NEVER eran and wanna live in that kinda of lifestyle… this is what i call totally “USELESS”

    PS : i had never see any article that say “he is concern with his kids from his previous marriage” or “K-Fed brought the kids to the zoo”

  8. Ummm nice nails. She only brings in nearly $800,000 a month and she has nasty nails? And she complains she’s a “fat pig”, yet she’s drinking a GALLON of frap………ya okay.

  9. blabla

    where’s her mother to whoop her ass, make her clean up the dishes and ground her? Can no one make her take control of her f**ked up lie? Jeeesh… She’s probably thinking about suicide… pathetic.

  10. Devil's Advocate

    For all the K-Fed detractors stating that he just wants the kids so he can get more moolah, so? There are women in the world who make it their life’s mission to get knocked up by some rich athlete/star/recording artist so they can rake in a fat check for 18 years. It’s about time a dude flipped the script and lived it up off of some dumb chicks cash. And he may not give a rat’s ass about his kids, but at least he puts up a better front than Britney. So what if she didn’t HAVE to be in court, if she really cared about her kids (or her image) should would have wobbled her stanky behind to court. Kudos to K-Fed for at least having the sense to hire a better legal team and actually FOLLOWING THEIR ADVICE.

  11. deedee

    Title should read “Britney shows Kevin Federline how to lose a custody battle”. He really didn’t have to do anything positive to get those kids – just sit back and let her show the world what an unfir mother she would be.

  12. Miaoudeminou

    #2 I agree!

    Look what she’s drinking! Hell, if I were to drink that much Starbucks in a day, I’d be as fat as her too! If she just started eating right again…..

    Oh fuck it, like she cares.

  13. deedee

    “unfit” – damn, who keeps switching those keys?

  14. Shallow Val

    19 you numb idiot….it’s spelled MASTURBATORS.

    I’d rather be a shallow masturbator, (I don’t hate anybody, I just calls ‘em as I sees ‘em), than an ignorant, incoherent, gramatically challenged inbred person named Judy anytime. Go home bitch, pick up an unabridged “dick-shon-erry” and then hit yourself with it.

    (Shallow Val fingers self as she types)

  15. woowoo

    #65 on fishing boats its “masterbaiters”

  16. George

    What a couple of retarded cartoon characters, she looks like Homer Simpson with that ugly mug and five o’clock shadow, and he thinks that is he is the guy from Johnny Quest or the Hathway Man.

    Also, why doesn’t she just buy a Starbucks Franchise since that is all she ever does now, drinks Starbucks Frappachinos.

  17. NoAngel

    She looks old, broken and sad. I’m no fan of Ms. Spears, but I feel awful for those kids of hers.

    She looks as if she’s been beaten and has just accepted defeat. I think she knows that she screwed up big time and is having a hell of a time accepting that she so thoroughly failed her children.

    Rehab is exactly what she needs, but she needs real rehab.

  18. Golden Retriever

    She’d better be taking better care of that cute puppy, or I’ll come over there and poop all over her. But I don’t think that anyone will really notice seeing that she looks like dog shit anyways.

  19. allyrising

    Income of $700K a month doesn’t mean anything if you have the mentality and IQ of a 5-year-old. That’s what’s so tragic. It’s like giving a dog a million dollars. The truth is this bitch has been mentally regressing since she was 17, and no amount of money is going to help her now. So we really can’t blame her for being filthy rich and not being able to clean up her act.

    That being said, I would still like to see her drown her children before she offs herself. This planet doesn’t need two more spoiled, mentally retarded, white trash rugrats wasting anymore of our resources. Bring it on, bleeding hearts.

  20. yella

    Did anyone else notice that Britney didn’t take the wrapping off her straw before drinking that?

  21. Me

    Is her drink big enough?

  22. Guy

    When I saw that last photo I actually felt sorry for her, it’s like a parody on modern society with the amount of cameras focused on her.

  23. jenster

    Jeebus tapdancing on a tampon christ,
    you CANNOT write shit like this……wearing a fucking eyepatch….meanwhile
    Shitney’s making a starbucks run… o man

  24. Refresh

    Why does she still have the wrapper on that straw ? Look at it ! Poor Britney

  25. fittydollarbill

    this is the greatest meltdown in media history.
    she’s gonna burn down her house or run someone over or undercook pork, wait, she don’t cook. she can’t make coffee. and she doesn’t seem to be ready for any sort of rehab-

    she doesn’t have anybody around her who isn’t on her payroll. maybe her coke dealer. its bad news when your best friend is your drug dealer.
    i feel sorry for the dog also.

  26. FACE

    I still want to fock the sheet out of her. Her legs are so sexy. I like the phat ass, too. Let those white kids go – I will knock her up with some black ones.

  27. Kara

    @70…So Chris Benoit style?

    Minus the fact he had way more talent than her and she would never kill herself with a weight machine…maybe 30 pounds of McDonalds meat though…

  28. jen

    she forgot to take the wrapper off of the straw.

  29. Márkus

    If Britney kills herself, she’ll be the new Marilyn Monroe.

  30. Joe Six Pack

    Man I love that last picture. Check out the dude filling up his pickup just taking in the whole mess that is Brittney Spears and the souless assholes taking pictures of her.

  31. Hastings

    Good. Now all the courts need to do is have Britney lose custody of her dog.

    GO, Cap’n Fed! It doesn’t matter if you’re in it for the money, just make sure those kids are happy.

  32. i like the dog

    he is cuter than her children. maybe that is why she liked him more.

  33. my comment

    2nd picture, top row.


  34. Micky Mc


    She’s twenty fucking five years old. It ain’t her momma’s responsibility.

    I want that dog.

  35. Lee Presson

    Those nails!!!!!!!!!!

    Can you imagine where they’ve been!?

  36. cuke scrub

    Princess puffyface needs a serious facial.

    No, not *that* kind of facial you sick fuckers.

  37. blabla

    #85, I think she’s in a bubble since she started her adolescent music carreer… no responsibilities, no authority, no nothing. It’s hard as shit to learn on your own, that’s why people teach it. She’s definetly skrewed up – I think a momma’s whooping would do her very good…!

    Or perhaps someone should kidnap her and take her to a ‘reeducational’ camp for a year or so… she would come back a new woman!

  38. jennnn

    note the self tanner (orange stains) on her hands niiiiice

  39. Danklin24

    Britney gets visitation rights. Hmmm. Thats voluntary, right? So that means she’ll never see her kids again. What a great mom. Spend the day with your kids Britney. Hell no, im going shopping and i have a new car i have to pick up. Oh, and some coke to pick up from my dealer, i dont have time for such silly games as changing diapers.

  40. I don’t get it…I live 1/4 mile away from all the places she ‘stops’, and I’ve yet to see her….I mean I once did see a sea of papps in front of an antique store, but I go to the same gas station, the same starbucks, the same Ralph’s and somehow, I miss the frenzy. And that Shell station is small and in an awkward place so I’m sure the 10,000 cars made for a nice traffic jam.

    Thanks y’all!

  41. Danklin24

    Also, im not too familiar with those fancy Starbucks drinks, but isnt the wrapper supposed to come off the straw before you put it in the drink?

  42. yes it is….and just in case you thought that maybe the gas station and starbucks were next to each other so that perhaps she just hadn’t had a chance to take the paper off…they’re not.

  43. jrzmommy

    Look at the size of that coffee drink thing! That’s gotta have like, 8500 calories in it.

  44. umawwi

    she really looks like shit in these pictures. damn her to hell.

  45. britcrit

    What is sad is that all Britney has to do all day is hang out at Starbucks and gas stations, and she is perfectly fine with it. Oh, that and go to garage sales of dead old ladies to swipe their clothing for a quarter each so she can dazzle the paps with her fabulous fashion sense. Honestly- is she wearing a bikini top under a polyester 70′s dress?
    And by the way, SHE’S FUCKING FAAAAAATTTTTT!!!!!

  46. britcrit

    Wait- I mean nightgown, not dress. Poor thing’s so damn depressed over losing her kids that she can’t even gather the strength to dress herself in the morning, or noon, or whenever she decides to begin her empty day. Luckily she still manages to eat and get her fraps everyday.

  47. Pikachelsea

    Haha, she looks like an absolute retard. She is so disgusting… doesn’t even care enough to show up in court. Probably because she knows it’s pointless and the kids would be better off left in a dark alley than with her.

    btw, wtf is up with her giant porkchop legs? Gross.

  48. Wicked Wendy

    I think BItchney is flying high again……xanax is a wonderful thing!!!

    I used to care…now I take a pill for that!!

    this girls hygene makes me sick!! No wonder KFed left her stanky ass….we can only see it, can you imagine SMELLING it??? NASTY!!!!

  49. whatever

    ARRRRR!!! You best be givin me my kids judge! There are more fearful things in this custody battle than PIRATES!!! There’s booty! Fat, skanky booty! And I don’t want my kinds near it!

  50. Nat

    I’m pretty sure she’s got the new Starbucks Mochalardachino there. It’s made with 2 Hershey bars and 4 cups of Crisco.

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