Kevin Federline rocks the Teen Choice Awards

August 21st, 2006 // 114 Comments

Here’s Kevin Federline’s performance of his new single as he closed for the Teen Choice Awards last night. It’s entertaining and all, but only in the way seeing a juggler drop knives on himself is entertaining. The audience’s reaction when he finally reveals himself is priceless, like they have no idea whether they should be cheering or crying. He might as well have been the light technician, because the audience doesn’t even recognize him until the DJ tells them to make some noise.

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  1. lisad71

    There were some parts of the performance that were good…but none involved K-Sped. The piano was nice, the player is obviously talented. The dancers were awesome and the DJ guy was good because you could at least focus on him performing instead of those little grunts and nonsensical babble spewing out of Mr. Spears’ mouth.

  2. BarbadoSlim

    From the AP Desk, USA

    Timeline: Teen Choice Awards

    Authorities are not really investigating what transpired at the “TCA’s” last night. As far as they or anyone can gather, fire from at least sixty Browning Automatic Rifles broke out from the croud after “DJ” Dickhead called the mantra “MAKE SOME NOIIIIZE” at a Kevin Federline ….er…performance.

    No stray fire was reported, no innocents were wounded, all shots fired hit Federline in the head. A spokesperson for the Police acknowledges that nobody cares about his condition, paramedics have not been dispatched, they speculate that disposal of his remains is discretionary for the maintenance engineering staff for the venue.

    No arrests are expected since the police are only investigating what took so long.

  3. amystitz

    #45-
    How funny you mention Fred Durst! I was just thinking about how Durst likes to “rhyme” words with themselves; K-Fed just rhymed “superstar” with “superstar” (that crap about how he’s a superstar juxtaposed with the truth: the line about how he married a superstar)

  4. andieman

    My gf has a better flow than that hick – but it does make her cranky. (More cowbell Kfed! and more banjo!)

  5. ReelWorld

    My God. That was one of the most hilarious things I’ve seen. Shame for K-Fed that my uproarious laughter was not the reaction he was probably striving for. As said, Ice was better than this ass-clown!

    The piano part was good, yes. But the “rapping” part? Eeesh! That performance was only saved by the sole talent on the stage – the dancers (which contrary to rumors K-fed should be) and the DJ who kept the crowd distracted enough to not remember the lack of rhythm and talent the “superstar” (lol) is supposed to have. Painful. Probably the longest five minutes in a while. But boy was it funny seeing him pretend to be the next coming!

  6. ChickenScratch

    At least Vanilla Ice knew when to stop and disappear before things got REALLY ugly.

    That pose when he first turns around from the piano…I wish Dane Cook would have ran over there and uppercut-ed his punk ass, preferably over a table with a bowl of punch or cake on it.

  7. ChickenScratch

    Oh, and is it just me or is his timing way off (covered by “YEAH BOY” and “UH-HUH YEAAAAY”)?

  8. jrzmommy

    Now, someone please have Suge Knight dangle this moron out of a window and that’ll take care of this second coming of Vanilla Ice.

  9. RichPort

    #58 – HA!!! But only if he promises to lose his grip.

  10. chiris

    What happened to Popozau??? That song was a lot better than this crap, i mean rap.

  11. Mojogirlie

    Wow. I didn’t even have to wait for the morning sickness to kick in to upchuck my breakfast today.

  12. Znuffy

    Dear god, this means that I, a 37 year old midwestern white woman with no rapping skills could have a “career” in “music” too if only I could be the spouse of someone with money and little brains … I have to go start writing tales of my ‘hood. What rhymes with corn besides porn?

  13. spatz

    he makes vanilla ice and snow look like Tupac and Biggie

  14. BarbadoSlim

    @63..werd

    :)

  15. BarbadoSlim

    poo poo poopoofag poo poo POOPOOFAG POOPOOFAG

  16. I never thought the day would come when I would be embarrassed for Kevin Federline, but… there you go. I was cringing in actual physical discomfort when I tried to watch this. I had to stop before I spontaneously combusted.

    I think it’s sad that no one behind the scenes likes Kevin enough to inform him of the magnitude of his suckage BEFORE he went out and humiliated himself on stage in front of millions of people. Sad, but strangely appropriate.

  17. CoJo

    I loooove that he raps about “HIS” Lamborgini, and “HIS” Ferrarri. Hilarious. This was not the way I wanted to start my week, but what can I say, I’m a glutton for punishment….y’allll.

  18. justme

    Does the world really need more scumbag wiggers?

  19. Trixie

    As bad as Britney and K-Fed are, I found Jessica Simpson to be the most appalling of all. She is a talentless bitch, who has NO personality whatsoever. Her stage presence does NOT exist. Her chemistry with Dane Cook was awful. Not only that, what was with the 3 half naked bimbos in the hottub? Isnt this the teen choice awards? What do 3 bimbos in a hottub have to do with teens. No wonder the teens of today have body issues. There also was a lot of double entendres used during the evening. Again, isnt this a show for TEENS? Don’t these idiots know that there are 12 and 13 year olds watching? Ick factor = 10

  20. delibird

    now I have to go get the knitting needles removed from my ears and eyes, what the hell was that???????????///

  21. NandD

    oh dear…not since Vanilla Ice…

  22. siren823

    I just want Britney to wear a damn bra. Being pregnant isn’t an excuse to have nasty ass, droopy boobs.

  23. Xanthia

    wow – medical science should take a really good look at this! It is the perfect combination to cause weight loss due to sever nausea and to help persons want to be celibate for the rest of their life. Anytime there is a slide in the willpower – just show this!

    Bleeck!

  24. 86

    I was thinking, wow, KFed sure does look like a 12 year old boy. Then I realized it wasn’t KFed…but a 12 year old boy…that could dance better than Kfed.

    What is wrong with Britney?? She was freakin smoking hot and now she’s..she’s…married to this guy…it makes me want to cry!!! It’s not even fun to make fun of her anymore because it’s too EASY!!!!!!

    In other news, Dane Cook is still hot…

  25. 86

    How are you gonna rap about how much money you have when you didn’t even earn it? He should become a drug dealer and get some street cred.

  26. Kris10

    He is a cross between Vanilla Ice and Informer, but a lot less cool and missing the fade. Oh wait, he has the fade too. Not ok.

  27. lefty_4

    What happened to Britney’s clothing stylist. You would think she would at least TRY to look a little glamorous during her pregnancy.

    I don’t even know what to say ’bout K-Fed, other than Eminem is probably getting a good laugh out of that performance.

  28. Eye-Dish Lass

    Priscilla Presley looked GREAT!

  29. James

    After watching a minute of this shit I had to take a shit. Federline gets the bowels flowing I suppose.

  30. bboy4life

    WTF! That has to be the WACKEST! attempt to be a rapper. Weak ass lyrics, f**cked up style! And to perform in front of a bunch of 8-12 year olds! what a loser! What makes losers think that they can be rappers? Being a rapper is not an over night thing or a gangster thing. You gotta be it and respect it. Why brag about your lifestyle when your wench is paying for it?! Why act hard when you aint got no juice or balls?! Why must every wack ass rapper wanna be a gangster?! Real hip hop has nothing to do with being a gangster! Britney is stupid for letting her dude make a fool of himself! This has nothing to do with being white or black. He sucks and the reason he sucks he is trying to be HARD! be yourself fool! thats what hip hop is about. I would have had some little respect for him if he would of came off rapping about not paying child support, impregnating Britney while he was still in an other relationship, mooching of his ol’lady, smoking weed, making money of stupid people who buy into his bullsh*t, being a dead-beat daddy, choosing to hang with his other wigger dudes than his pregnant wife and dressing like he use to dress with his long hair and acting just plain old white.why try to act black.Check your self fool!

  31. bboy4life

    #78 that has to be the funniest comment ever!!!

  32. maylenemaire

    i agree with comment 80

  33. HughJorganthethird

    It takes real balls to stand up there and suck out on network TV. I want K fed to play my barmitzva and I’m not even Jewish.

    That was fire people, fire.

  34. vass39

    You know the scary part isnt that he sucks so bad, its that an auditorium full of kids went crazy with adoration for this douchebag cuz the dj told them to… Yup, our future is in good hands all right!

  35. thesarahficial

    Is that Kevin Federline or a 12 year old boy with a hat on?

  36. Elikapeka

    Oh my God. My eyes need Band-Aids. That was the most ridiculous effing thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Why the hell couldn’t he have been like every other sh*tty ‘performer’ and fallen off the stage? I can’t believe there are 4 little Kevin Federlines in this world. ONE IS TOO MANY!

  37. Elikapeka

    Pee Ess. Britney, please sew your vagina shut. Don’t help this man breed. PLEASE.

  38. MissaRB

    Who ever told him he was an outcast? Besides other rappers.

  39. aurrora

    “Everybody throw your hands in the air! Make some noise!”….Nigga for what?

    Not even standard rap fare could save this tragedy.

  40. aurrora

    and it sounds like he is using a Missy Elliot track (I think). It doesn’t take an ounce of intelligence to grunt out inane “rhymes” along with a beat that was written by someone else.

  41. ToiletDuck

    My dog just shit on the floor and miscarried her litter of puppies after hearing this…

  42. Dory

    The scariest thing about all this is the fact that he actually stood on stage and did this. Dosn’t he know the only reason he was Allowed to get up there is cause of his wife, dosn’t he know the only reason those kids cheered is because of his WIFE, dosn’t he realise that he’s NOT a superstar his name is just know BECAUSE OF HIS WIFE.

    I watched the video of Brit that made K-Idiot look smart but SERIOUSLY how can he believe people LIKE HIM, they dont people just LOVE TO HATE HIM! Idiot Idiot Idiot if he believes he will make money from this he is a Certified Idiot. God I wish he read this, try to understand K-Imbecile!

  43. ElatedPornStar

    Thats cunt’ry for ya.

  44. pabena6

    Okay, I’m a classically trained singer, so rap isn’t exactly my thing. But even *I* know that one of the most important things is the rhythm! K-Fed can’t keep the beat, he gets way behind — the DJ keeps getting ahead of him, and you can hear the poor bastard trying to catch up, but half the time he’s like an echo (if echoes were totally incompetent). So here’s my question — he wrote this, right? So why wouldn’t you write something YOU CAN AT LEAST PERFORM WELL?!?! I mean, he could have chosen easier words, shorter rhymes, different phrases, whatever — anything to be able to keep the beat. So his rhythm is SO BAD that he can’t even tell he’s not keeping up with HIS OWN MATERIAL?!?! And we’re supposed to believe he was a good dancer when his sense of rhythm is that freaking pitiful?! Somebody explain this to me, please! Damn.

    But the dancers, now, THEY were awesome.

  45. metini

    Vanilla Ice must be celebrating right now. Finally someone worse than him on the block!

    And by the way!! ,SNOW aka Informer was pretty damn good at reggae!

  46. Sarah

    Just a few brief, yet important observations……….
    1)I really don’t think that the audience was screaming at him, I think it was more directed to the cool moves done by his dancers.
    2)KFed sounds an awful lot like Eminem…..could be a war soon
    3)Pretty sad when your backup rapper is doing a better job than you!

  47. bettiblue

    hahahaha oh dear that is SO funny. He even tried all the desperate attempts, e.g. being linked to someone famous, having a DJ back him up, the good dancers, the cool special effects on stage, the kid at the beginning pretending to sing… even calling it lose control. man! he tried everything. it still fails in my eyes! and ears.

  48. 86

    No wonder he chose the kids choice awards to make his debut. He did it for the same reason that 24 year old guys fuck 16 year old girls….he sucks really really bad and teenagers are the only ones who don’t know the difference.

  49. DudeSlick

    I thank God every day that the train-wreck that is Britney and Kevin is being televised.

  50. DirtyJeans

    God I hate K-fed

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