Kevin Federline rocks the Teen Choice Awards

August 21st, 2006 // 114 Comments

Here’s Kevin Federline’s performance of his new single as he closed for the Teen Choice Awards last night. It’s entertaining and all, but only in the way seeing a juggler drop knives on himself is entertaining. The audience’s reaction when he finally reveals himself is priceless, like they have no idea whether they should be cheering or crying. He might as well have been the light technician, because the audience doesn’t even recognize him until the DJ tells them to make some noise.

superficial

  1. RTH

    Wow… how craptacular

  2. jane's eyre

    I unfortunately caught the beginning of his “performance” last night, and I started cracking up when he calls himself a “superstar”. I couldn’t look away, it was like a freakin’ trainwreck. The only way I was able to pull myself away from it was by skewering both eyes with an icepick. It worked, but the unfortunate part is that I’m now legally blind. Good thing for me my typing skills are spectacular and I don’t need no stinkin’ eyes to type.

  3. K-Fed should be dragged out into the street and shot. :)

    http://www.10pennypixel.com

  4. Carol

    I couldn’t watch more than a minute and a half of it. I almost hit the stop button when Britney came out smackin’ her gum like the hillbilly that she is.

  5. Lexi

    “In breaking news, thousands of teens dropped dead of severe ear hemmoraging and inexplicable brain trauma at the Teen Choice Awards last night, when the performer Kevin Federline was asked for comment he only replied, “whatever, they’re all haters.” ”

    OH MY GOD!! How is this loser allowed to perform in front of young impressionable children. Oh the horror! He must be stopped, think of the children!!

  6. StanGable

    Vanilla Ice

  7. Fugurself

    Anyone remotely interested in this shoud be anesthetized at once.
    This man has hidden talent. Apparently, his pants are hiding it. He should stay home and be Mr. Mom.

    @1 Craptacular, I love it :)

  8. beesknees

    What. A. Douchebag.

  9. I have great faith in the future of America.

  10. Marhaba

    I wonder if Spears is still smacking the same wad of gum she was chewing on the Lauder interview; being “country” and all, she’d want to save the money, you know.

    I have to admit that K-Fed isn’t as bad as I’d feared. Not great, but not totally terrible either. Still, it’s worth noting that he needed a leg-up from Spears.

  11. Do Freebird

    You people should be ashamed, mocking an 112 lb. Cerebral Palsy victim like that. It must have taken an enormous amount of nerve to go out there twitching and stumbling uncontrolably.

    At first I thought it wasn’t that bad, then I realize it was some anonymous black guy introducing THE MAN. Amazing how the crowd went from {WILD} to {WHAT?} in a matter of seconds.

    What makes it even worse is that this will probably get him more gigs.

  12. AmericanMcKrout

    I ALMOST pity the guy- I mean, come on- making your debut stage appearance on a Teen Choice Awards show is degrading enough, but the reaction of the audience- “Who the fuck…? Oh, isn’t he married to…? Man, this really sucks, but cuz we’re on t.v., I guess I gotta kinda pretend to get down…” I’m sure the only people truly smiling and acting like they were enjoying themselves were the seven or eight black guys he pays to hang around with him, and that was ONLY because their paychecks depend upon it.
    As if being married to Britney isn’t embarrassing enough.
    Ten bucks says he spent the majority of last night and today stoned out of his mind, trying to forget…

  13. Kg

    if I had been standing in that audience and that moron had come down I would’ve dropkicked him

  14. Linnea

    If by, “hip hop flavor mixed with rock and roll” he means “fecal matter mixed with Sean Preston’s vomit” he’s probably onto something.

  15. PunjabPete

    #6 – This douche isn’t worth a cup of Vanilla Ice’s piss… And that is pretty sad….

  16. Do Freebird

    Forgot to mention the best part. If you happened to be out last night and missed it, they replay the kids choice awards about 1,252 times in the next month and a half.

    Oh the humanity

  17. It goes a long way to fueling the rumor that K-Fag was Brit’s drug supplier, as he doesn’t even dance onstage! That’s the guy’s only claim of legitimacy, other than virile sperm, and he has other dancers put on the show – lame, and suspicious. I’ve never bought this guy was a back-up dancer. Why didn’t he dance for Britney? Why hasn’t he danced in any of her videos a’la Cris Judd/J-Lo? And should his rapping even be addressed? Just another Vanilla Ice retread (which we need like another 9/11). What disturbed me most, was not his rapping, or lack of dance moves, but the response of the crowd. What do they put in those kids’ soft drinks? LSD? His album better not be successful. In spite of crap like Justin Timberlake and P-Diddy, I’d like to think the public has some strands of taste left.

  18. The scariest part of all is that every girl in that crowd is now pregnant. The K-Fed seed knows no limits!

    http://angry-ferret.blogspot.com/2006/08/oops-she-did-it-again.html

  19. nc72

    Bahahaha. He once said Brit was his toughest critic. Yeah right…

    http://www.exposay.com/kevin-federline/1/c/2390/

  20. RichPort

    I am convinced this is the 7th sign, the coming of the apocalypse. We will probably get invaded by an alien race tomorrow who will know that now is the perfect time to strike. Thus human Meth experiment is not gangsta, not with a gum smacking prego introducing him. I’m surprised she had shoes on. I mean, if we’re willing to stoop to Federfuck’s inane attempts at convincing us he’s relevant, we deserve to become extinct. I hear that’s what happened to the dinosaurs…

  21. Nurse Kellie

    Dicky Dickford strikes again. Will he ever just go away? This has got to be the longest 15 minutes of fame I’ve ever seen anyone ride out.

  22. Celetina

    1) Did he seriously call himself a “superstar”?
    2) The audience’s confusion is incredible to watch.
    3) Look out for the people clapping in the audience who can’t decide whether they should be clapping on the beat or the backbeat.
    4) Britney is the classy one in the relationship and she’s *chewing gum while she speaks in front of thousands of people*. Fabulous.
    5) Other than the “superstar” thing I couldn’t make out a damn thing he said. What is he rapping about?

  23. musashi42

    Perhaps we can start a rumour that K-Fed has been dissing Eminem; then Eminem can add to the gangster image and take this douche bag out.
    Someone, please, shoot him, shoot him now.

  24. nixy21

    That’s five minutes of my life I’ll never get back. And yet I couldn’t look away…

  25. cooler than you

    Does he remind you of anyone???
    Vanilla Ice!

    and could brit wear anything trashier??
    she looks like poopy

  26. Correct me if I am wrong, but did he just rhyme hip-hop with flip-flop??

  27. Taylor

    Hey, anyone who can make me look like the most talented person in the world needs a standing ovation.

  28. Jane_Says

    It’s pretty pathetic when you need back-up rappers to rap along with you instead of just going “yeah, yeah” in the background.

  29. I don’t know about any of you, but I wanna smack Brit’s preggo boobs around.

    Oh, and KFLTC. Sounds like a bad restaurant.

  30. Justin Igger

    somebody need to kick dis white boys ass for real though i used to say i like the dumb nigger but yo dat shit was ghetto horrific dem little kids dance better

  31. Cody(D,UT)

    Kevin “chose” that show to make his live debut? Or did the show happen to draw the short straw? At least the rest of my week HAS to be better!

  32. oops…as I was saying….magically revealed to be the Spedersperm, I was appalled that Britney’s “Mayun” not only couldn’t dance, he had no fuckn rhythm in his rap at all. And magically, the 2-chord piano riff turned back up and no one was at the piano. He would have done better to have lip-synched it. Or maybe that WAS him lip-synching his best studio-enchanced version.

    I am just amazed.

  33. damn, superficial ate my post about Loretta Lynn in her nighty appearing onstage…

  34. Cleosneedle

    I hate K-Fag!

    Was that DJ Jazzy Jeff on the turntables?

  35. PaisleyMoon

    I thought he did pretty good. The words meant something is his life. He has some realness to him that’s poignent. He’ll grow. He may even get good. He seems like a decent guy.

  36. PaisleyMoon

    I didn’t see any audience confusion, you’re full o shit.

  37. llynnowens

    Wow. Just what I’ve been praying for, another guy to let the youth of America know that the most important things on this planet are closets full of kicks and garages full of whips.

  38. Jedi Kevin

    It’s K-RAP.

  39. SuperDave

    Oh Man!! Even Milli Vanilli had more talent than that crap.

  40. BoardBetty

    #18 – you are so RIGHT!! I wanna see proof that K-Fag was actually a dancer in some video or on some tour. Video fucking proof!

    And, by dancing, I don’t mean the stoned jigglies people get when they’re jonesing for cheetos.

  41. Alice-Mary

    37 , you are a dumbass.

    He is the worst rapper I have ever, EVER witnessed drop a track. I follow rap and I can honestly tell you that he SUCKS BALLS.

    And if by “a decent guy” you meant “Ass-licking no talent scrub-leech who impregnates everything in his line of vision and then gets high” then yes. He really seems like a decent guy.

  42. schism

    I’m ashamed to say it, but I actually kind of liked that piano loop. Granted, this is only because that was the only thing that resembled music in the entire…performance, but still.

    I also didn’t notice any real confusion in the audience. Come on, this is the Teen Choice Awards; they’d clap and cheer for a monkey banging on a snare drum if some pseudo-celebrity told them to. Although, they did seem to be cheering for the dancers more than K-Fed.

  43. lomies

    Ok ok, he kinda reminds me of Fred Durst up there on stage. Fred Durst was also a joke. A joke is only funny the first time around.

    Plus this is just bad.

    Plus PaisleyMoon is probably Britney giving you the finger.

  44. Chef

    @ “craptacular”:

    I was thinking more along the lines of “craptastic” but its the same general sentiment.

    This guy is like Vanilla Ice, but worse and more white trash. (I had no idea that was even possible!)

  45. 30kdm

    This guy is a clown. All that’s is missing are the big clown shoes. This guy is the luckiest 30 Thousand Dollar Millionaire ever!
    http://www.30thousanddollarmillionaire.com

  46. KelKel

    2 words: White Trash….no wait,um Trailer Trash…better yet Wanna Be…or Freakin BUM.And if Brit ever wakes up…Job Less!

  47. beanncheese

    When is this guy going to stop being news. Who cares. How many times can you say “Stupid”.

    http://www.spoonspam.com

  48. Browchay

    Why would you do that to us ? We come here and read the Superficial to be entertained, sometimes to laugh, sometimes to cry, sometimes in sympathy, sometimes in disdain.

    This was just plain shit. K-Fud needs to learn to cook and stay at home feeding the K-Kids…

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