Kevin Federline might not be as great as he thinks he is

October 30th, 2006 // 66 Comments

Despite being the greatest artist of our generation and the most underrated person in Hollywood – or the planet Earth for that matter – so few $20 tickets have been sold for Kevin Federline’s Nov. 4 show that sources at Webster Hall say “we may just cancel it. New Yorkers are clearly not fans of ‘Popozao’ [Federline's pathetic first single].” Additionally, his Cleveland show was also canceled due to lack of interest.

I refuse to believe it. I’ve heard Popozao. I’ve seen the madness caused by its lyrical genius and bumpin’ beats. It’s as if Kevin Federline managed to reach out and touch God himself. And then grabbed him, ate him, and squeezed him out of his butthole in musical format. Only replace ‘God’ with feces. Because the song’s creation seems only possible by the processing of feces into even more concentrated feces. It’s that feces-tacular.

superficial

  1. Cruzadas

    Kevin, you suck.

    He’s the new Vanilla Ice. Only worst…

  2. 1-Ton

    I don’t want to be first.

  3. RichPort

    And when I return the two tickets I bought, then what?

  4. 1-Ton

    Popozao = not that bad. Unfortunately, K-Fed’s ridiculousness preceeds him.

  5. slantingthroughdarkness

    Don’t let the bastards bring you down K-Fed. You rock.

    http://crabbieshollywood.blogspot.com

  6. no one you know

    The fact that his Cleveland show was canceled due to “lack of interest” makes me, for a change, or perhaps even for once, proud to be an Ohioan.

  7. jrzmommy

    The world is just not ready for the second coming of Vanilla Ice. Never. And when I say never I mean NEVER EVER!!!

    I’m telling ya…it’s the same dude:
    K-Fuck (exhibit A)
    http://thebosh.com/archives/upload/2006/08/husband-Kevin-Federline.jpg

    Vanilla Ice (exhibit B)
    http://www.lasvegasgolf.com/images/features/vanilla-ice.jpg

  8. Even the blonkies don’t like this wegro……..

  9. BigJim

    I was having a hard time determining who I hate more: this brainless cockbag, or Paris Hilton. I have come to the conclusion that K-Earl is more worthy of my undying enmity, for the simple reason that he has had the audacity to procreate not once, nor twice, but four motherfucking times.

    And look at who he

  10. i didnt have a problem with federline when he was just spending britney’s cash.i mean it’s not like she really deserved it anyway.but now that this douche wants to act like he actually has talent i cant friggin stand him.

    http://www.celebriteaze.blogspot.com/

  11. gatorbates

    The only way that trash would get $20 from me would be if I could fire off paint balls at his face.

    Or if he’d let me tap that trailer whore wife of his.

    Wait a minute. I think I’d only pay $5 for that.

  12. TheDarkLady

    @6 I totally agree.
    I live about an hour south of Cleveland. This post was the first I had even heard about this idiot wanting to do a show here. Kind of nice to read something positive about Ohio for a change.

  13. RichPort

    #9 – HA!

    I just can’t stand the way Earl ends every sentence with ‘yo’, yo.

  14. Pagan Queen

    Poor Earl, cant even see himself on MTV in 20 years time on a “One Hit Wonder” show, or “Where Are They Now”.

    BigJim – get a dog whistle and blow it each time it barks. That will eventually stop him. Not to mention you can blow it at night and have him start howling in the house while the owners are trying to sleep.

  15. PapaHotNuts

    You mean it would only cost me $20.00 to have the chance to hurl a fucking beer bottle at his head? That’s a deal. That’s the Wal-Mart of concerts. I’m calling Ticketmaster, or Circle-K, or the City Dump- whoever is selling tickets to this incredible musical event.

  16. I have a simple solution to this problem.

    Just fill the stadium with all of Earl’s illegitimate children. It will be standing room only then.

  17. Damn you Superfish, I just posted this on my blog. Although I also include the number of seats Webster Hall actually holds…it ain’t pretty, the amount of seats in there isn’t high.

    Maybe K-Fed can go back to doing what he did before for money. Oh wait….

  18. but i love poopoozoa! oh nos!

    stupid underwear i designed –> http://funderpants.com

  19. sexybitch

    @16, if you can hold off buying a ticket, it’ll only be a matter of time before Britney buys out the Hall and gives away tickets. She might have to bang people as incentive tho. And pay them, too. For both.

  20. isitin

    Well they have also cancelled his Kevin Federline In the Club Harlem Ballroom show in Atlantic City. Looks good on this nobody.

  21. Dear Fans of Kevin Fed,
    Do humanity a favor and DRINK THE KOOL-AID.

    That is all.

  22. yummy

    i would love to gargle with his semen! he’s the ideal man – cock as big as a black man’s, but, you know, an actual human instead of part-monkey

  23. bigponie

    will someone please give K-fraud the ‘red pill’, the reality of knowing that he is a walking feces will kill him instantly.

  24. #23, he doesn’t have a big cock, your mistake is that when you look at him you see a giant penis wearing a little hat. It’s a common mistake, thats actually him, not his cock.

    His actual cock is much smaller and smells like wet cheesepuffs from all reports.

  25. jrzmommy

    A is for Asshole. It’s right there on his hat.

  26. Nik

    I’m thoroughly convinced by all the coverage on this site that Kevin Earl is a mutation of a long-ago ex boyfriend. The one I decided I’d stab in the neck next time I saw him.

  27. yummy

    no, there are pictures, it’s BIG

  28. bigponie

    why is it that when I see K-fraud RedruM appears on the wall…

  29. RichPort

    I still think it’s a clean shaven David Koresh and the gubment never really bonfired him as promised. Yet another reason to hate Clinton.

  30. just when I was giving up hope that there were rational people in society, we get uplifting new like this.

  31. PrettyBaby

    The black guys that you sometimes see with him make me nuts. WTF whould any self-respecting guy that wants to get in the rap biz do with K-Earl?? Who knows,maybe he lets them ball Britney. AND I hate that he thinks he is just like Eminem. Just Irritating..

  32. PrettyBaby

    #28 Girl, here’s proof for ya, that a big cock ain’t everything

  33. If K-Fed throws a concert, and no one attends, is it still a concert?

    http://www.celebslam.com

  34. Maybe once his album is a certified flop, we’ll see less of him. He is so full of himself and truly believes he’s a superstar. Guess the public will have to put him in his place.

    Unfortunately Britney is using her fanbase to try and sell his music and offering them prizes like meeting her and kevin as the ultimate bribe to buy it. Hopefully they’re not dumb enough to fall for it.

    Jade
    The Gossip Girls
    http://www.celebrity-gossip.net

  35. btw, the “K-Earl” nick is killing me. It’s so much better than K-Fed.

    K-Earrrrrrrrrrl — it just rolls right off the tongue lol

  36. yummy

    “a big cock ain’t everything” = mantra of the lil’ cocks

  37. Yeah, K-Fed yo is really throwing off a Vanilla Ice vibe these days.
    And I’ve noticed Britney with a certain distancing of herself from the human backwash that is K-Fed Yo. Hell, she waited a week to name his latest semi-bastard son.

    http://www.reidaboutit.com

  38. Jade honey–you might just make it here yet! Those insults weren’t bad–you just need to make more rude sexual references and you’ll have it down pat. ;-)

    And while I’m at it, who cares how big K-Feces’ cock is? Who’d be dumb enough to fuck a guy who never heard of condoms?

  39. It just goes to show you that arrogance will only get you so far. The rest is talent.

    http://www.holisticwisdom.com

  40. how funny that those cities even put up with his concerts when they should clearly know that it would go down the drain.

  41. ch474

    #12 – I don’t know. We never said how many paintballs we’d shoot at his face, or even if the paintballs would miss his face to land in some other tender area. Neither did anyone say if the paintballs would be emptied of paint, to be filled with some other substance. I’m thinking sulfuric acid perhaps. Throw in a free bang with the still lactating Brit Brit, and I just might pay $20 for that. Of course it would be the cheaper $20 Canadian and not USD.

  42. PrettyBaby

    Alright #37, I will respect your attraction to K-Earl, only because I find myself strangely attracted to the occasional Freak/Weirdo (ie- that Hobbit on Lost). In a further extension of my olive branch, I would be will to look at the alleged Large Cock K-Fed photos if you decide to share your link for said photos.

  43. Pagan Queen

    Yummy – I cant believe you are warm for Earl the Pearl’s form! He is a waste of cells. Maybe you will get your chance and punish him for being such a bad boy, huh?

    He did look good all dressed up in a suit for that magazine, tho…except the nails, the hair, the face, the body……

  44. RichPort

    And we wonder why Earl keeps having kids… ladies, PLEASE, juuuust because he is married to someone famous doesn’t mean you should fuck him. In fact, you should be smacked backwards for even dreaming about it. Wake up and apologize! If you fall for “yo, yo” as a smooth pick up line, boy do me and my johnson have something to tell you…

  45. PrettyBaby

    I merely offered to LOOk at the photos for educational purposes only.

  46. GirlyGirl

    Sure, the tickets are cheap, but who pays for your medical care when your ears bleed, and your life-long therapy after you go crazy?
    I don’t know if you could pay ME to go see that shit.

  47. leewhee

    K-Fed makes Vanilla Ice look like John Lennon.

  48. Troller

    Britney is using her fanbase to try and sell his music and offering them prizes like meeting her and kevin as the ultimate bribe to buy it. Hopefully they’re not dumb enough to fall for it

    If they are BRITNEY fans, chances are they are stupid enough.

    Go away K-Ferl!

  49. Troller

    Britney will probably buy enough copies of K-Ferl’s record so that it “goes platinum”. That way she doesn’t have to admit that she’s married to a no-talent douche.

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