Kevin Federline looks really really weird

May 31st, 2006 // 255 Comments

The folks at Item magazine took K-Fed and cleaned him up for their upcoming issue. And the results are shocking. It’s amazing what a sleazy goatee can do, because all they did was shave it off and suddenly he’s unrecognizable. It’s like I’ve forgetten he’s a douchebag and want to discuss serious sociopolitical and economic issues with him or something. But then he’d start talking and acting like K-Fed again and I’d remember why I want to karate kick him the neck. And then I would. And then everybody would applaud my heroism and possibly give me a medal.



  1. ebayfan414

    Where I come from the saying is “Ya can’t shine a K-Fed.” I’ve also heard “A K-Fed can only be polished so much.”

  2. here_kitty_kitty

    Nothing says class like wiping the coke residue from under your nose with a silk hankie.

  3. blueballs

    no matter how much you shave him or dress him up in nice duds, he’s still a wanna be wigger who will knock up and milk what ever lady for all she is worth.


  4. Fa Cube Itches

    100: He split off and joined Asteroth, Nelchael & Abadon. We’re going to merge with Baal & Abadon.

  5. Fa Cube Itches

    er, make that Baal & Azrael.

  6. Seneca Fell

    whoa…he looks good here. i’d date him, if i didn’t know his name and that he probably has multiple STDs.

  7. Fa Cube Itches

    *wince* My faith in the female of the species is taking a beating on this thread.

  8. Seneca Fell

    to further my last comment, i can’t stop looking at this photo and thinking that i’d really like to kiss kevin federline. but that last sentence was so gross! someone put his goatee back, this picture is making my mind die. i can’t reconcile this attractive man i would absolutely love to bring home to my mother with the name kevin federline. make it stop!

  9. sierra1438

    restore your faith cube…i still think hes nasty no matter what hes wearing

  10. Ari


    *sticks tongue out*

    What’d I do? I mean, aside from my admission about the suit thing?

  11. Fa Cube Itches

    Ari: Don’t stick it out unless you intend to use it! :)

    Sierra: thanks, that helps.

  12. hailstorm1375

    Dressed up or not, still a slime ball. He should be the poster child for vasectomies

  13. Seneca Fell

    Superfish guy, PLEASE, for the sake of womankind, put a picture of old/real kevin federline up. preferably one where he’s hand in hand with britney and they’re both smoking cigarettes. and a sideways cap! normally i would never ever ever WANT to see a picture of K-Fed but i think this is the only way to stop the insanity. this is way too confusing!!!!

  14. Jedi Kevin

    You can’t wash a turd.

  15. Ari

    111, tell me where to start, or is it ladies’ choice?

    112–not only the poster child for vasectomies, but retroactive abortions.

  16. diamondprynzez

    shit, he looks like noah wyle from ER

  17. lol he looks like a cross between noah wyle and kevin kline ^-^

  18. geedarn

    He looks friggin’ gay.

  19. krisdylee

    I heard Tom Cruise’s cock smells like poo.

  20. krisdylee

    and that his ass smelled like cock.

  21. krisdylee

    his eyes are beady, like a skunk’s.

    Really, stare at a skunk one day. You’ll see.

  22. herbiefrog

    american psycho says it all

    this is kfed the superficial

    but underneath… ?

    hand me that chain saw…

  23. colormeskanky

    So this is what he would look like if he showered and had a job!!! cool!

    I wonder who got the enviable task of scrubbing 28 years worth of grime and grit off the grubby boy. They probably found loose change in his hair and ticket stubs from the 90s in his underware.

    Now if only they could scrub away that slimy little smirk.

  24. GuyLeDouche

    A sleazy, untrustworthy, self-seeking, grasping bastard in an expensive suit, who is really good at spending other people’s money on his own pet projects…say hello to your next congressman, folks.

  25. j-man

    He’s the epidemy of douche, even more so cleaned up cuz it’s not even himself anyomre. At least he had a gimmeck before to get news attention….

  26. EntertainmentWhore

    I go off on assignment for a month only to return to postings about how good K Fed looks?

    It’s like Bizarro World – everything is opposite: good is bad, black is white and the dude who threatens to jerk off in salads is considered funny.


  27. susie

    He definitely looks like he can be Chris Klein’s brother. My my, not Aston Kutcher-ish at all but Chris Klein (Katie Holmes’ex). I think he looks great! He looks like someone we’d hire.

  28. susie

    He definitely looks like he can be Chris Klein’s brother. My my, not Aston Kutcher-ish at all but Chris Klein (Katie Holmes’ex). I think he looks great! He looks like someone we’d hire.

  29. You can’t see in the picture, but he’s actually wearing cut-off jean shorts.

  30. LickyLicky

    One word: SMARMY

    I will concede that if you’ve ever seen his official headshot, you’d understand how he got as far as he did in the first place. Amazing what lighting and a 5k makeup artist can do.

    On a stinky note, he has the same birthday as I do. I think I might tie a couple dozen cats to my body and jump in a cold shower. Not that it changes anything, but it might take my mind off of the fact that I have something in common with this Cletus wannabe.

  31. Charlaurz McHall

    his tie is totally gay.
    he is still gross, for a picture of real, 100% sexiness, look here, (for girls and boys to enjoy)

  32. Unbeliever

    I’d hit it, but only because then I can tell my kids I had something that was inside Britney inside my mouth …. and maybe ass.

  33. doeslifesuckorwhat

    I’m soooo confused!! Why did this have to happen – I was happy when he was the male version of a nasty skanky ho, now he’s all cleaned up he looks like a sleazy snake oil salesman but completely doable. Why why does the world always turn topsy turvy – god I can’t stand it I’m going to have to punish myself by listening to his “rap song” over and over again……

  34. billabong021

    So like, is THAT the $300,000 watch? I aym not aymeused..

  35. BarbadoSlim

    He looks like a local station weatherguy, circa 1986.

  36. Seeing this picture, I realize now that pre-makeover K Fed was Pigpen from The Peanuts Gang come to life.

  37. bagelmama

    he’s more like a salesman in six feet under, selling casket !!

  38. alaskanchicsickle

    Oh yes yes yes yeeeessssss! Mmmmmmm that was good for me, Hugh Jackman is the most lickable man I’ve ever seen. Then I scrolled down a little too much, thanks a Goddamn lot Charlaurz, didn’t need to see that pic of Tom Hanks this early in the morning, Jeebus!

  39. Drusilla

    He certainly does clean up well.

  40. ptprez

    you can put a dress on a pig, and it’s still a pig…

    however ,i believe he’s going to be the next james bond…

  41. Dr.Rokter

    #140 You can put a dress on a pig, but if you try to have sex with it in the privacy of your own bedroom, the Nanny Government will come an tell you it’s against the “law”.

  42. trulymadlydeeplytori

    Will the defendant please rise?

  43. Domino

    ok, seriously, who is that?

  44. jrzmommy

    now I REALLY hate him….he’s looked like filth for so long FOR NO REASON. He’s disgusted me everytime I’ve looked at him for two years now and my revulsion was completely unnecessary. Jackass.

  45. jrzmommy

    he looks like Noah Wylie.

  46. Mr. Fritz

    You can take the douchebag out of the trailer park, but you can’t take the trailer park out of the douche. I do admit, he looks a helluva lot better in these photos.

  47. ptprez


    then i better hide, becaused i’m fucked!!!

    “you can put a dress on a slump-buster…”

    naw…that just does’nt work!!!

  48. asmith

    I looked at the source pics – he looks kinda like Nick Lachey sitting in the directors chair – and the pledge of allegiance photo looks like Tobey Maguire. Anybody else see this?? Either or….he’s still a punk-ass, trailor-park hillbilly with nice clothes on. Whatever. Next story, please!

  49. ptprez


    congrats on the stripper-head you were recieving during the kirsten dumb thread…

    i had to smack myself with “amazon sluts from brazil” while i was bitch slapping wimpy-willow…

    you’re the man!!!

  50. Dr.Rokter


    You can take the little girl out of the playground, but you can’t show her the magical pony carnival in the back of your van.

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