Kevin Federline looks really really weird

May 31st, 2006 // 255 Comments
kfed-clean-up-item.jpg

The folks at Item magazine took K-Fed and cleaned him up for their upcoming issue. And the results are shocking. It’s amazing what a sleazy goatee can do, because all they did was shave it off and suddenly he’s unrecognizable. It’s like I’ve forgetten he’s a douchebag and want to discuss serious sociopolitical and economic issues with him or something. But then he’d start talking and acting like K-Fed again and I’d remember why I want to karate kick him the neck. And then I would. And then everybody would applaud my heroism and possibly give me a medal.

Source

superficial

  1. BSfan

    It’s My Fair Federline.

    The Rain in Spain falss mainly on the plain.

    By george I think he’s got it!

    Anyway I give him a week until he’s back to being good ol’ K-Fed.

  2. gammanormids

    let’s face it: he looks clean, even lightly er… I was going to say handsom, but I think I’ll choose good looking.
    http://gofugyourself.typepad.com/go_fug_yourself/2004/09/mr_and_mrs_fugi.html

  3. Fa Cube Itches

    51 – My Fair Federline really works.

    *sings*

    My wifey’s bust is stained with chee-to dust.
    My wifey’s bust is stained with chee-to dust.

  4. Zed

    I think I would buy a car from a guy who looked like this–and even buy all the additional do-wah policies and extras, driving up the price way over sticker, because he looks so very persuasive.

    Of course I’d go home and want to slash his tires after I find out he’s taken me for a ride, but I’m telling you folks, he cleans up exceptionally well. How scarey is that.

    However if I spotted the long thumbnails before I signed the contract, he’d be in big trouble. Yucko.

  5. mmmBitch

    UGH! ARGH! WANT TO SAY SOMETHING MEAN BUT…

    he actually looks cute. I hate myself. Maybe if someone took him and pulled a “My Fair Lady” with him, he might be palatable to the public.

  6. Pearly

    #44 that’s hysterical you are so right…
    And the quote is “Ya can’t shine shit!” It does suit this picture very well though. I’m amazed a hormonal Shitney didn’t shave him in his sleep long ago.

  7. Ari

    Fa– I love it when you sing.

    He does look fairly presentable, BUT, it’s still K-Fed underneath. Knowing that, all he can be is scum, no matter now dressed up.

  8. Fa Cube Itches

    Who else bets he’s probably rockin’ the “Hai Karate” cologne?

    Assuming they still make that stuff….

  9. Marle

    Totally Creepy!!

    And for reasons that I can’t pinpoint.

  10. Fa Cube Itches

    The right hand picture has that “Welcome aboard USAirways” look to it. Probably a still from a safety video.

  11. CruisingForCock

    This brings back painful memories of prom. I couldn’t find a date. So I went to Baltimore street and picked up a homeless dude. Cut his hair, shaved him, brushed his teeth. I even dressed him up in a suit I bought at Chess King. Damn, he cleaned up nice.

    Unfortunately, while I slept, he stole my Z-28, purse, shoes, & costume jewels.

  12. Fa Cube Itches

    Hmmm…Italian girl with a Z-28. I’m guessing the hair was probably pretty big and there was a *kick ass* White Snake/Warrant/Cinderella mix tape in the stereo. ;)

  13. LB

    >61
    and went on to marry a rich pop singer he used to dance for.
    Honestly, look what you let get away.

  14. Ari

    You forgot Motley Crue and Poison!

  15. CruisingForCock

    @62 You’re my cherry pie.

    @63 Don’t throw salt in my wound.

    It’s bad enough he also managed to take my $11 Timex digital watch that my mom got me as a special prom gift.

  16. Ari

    Cruising, I’m still waiting for that pic you were supposed to send me.

    *sigh*
    I really wish I didn’t have that Cherry Pie song in my head now.

  17. wordhollar

    hot.

  18. YourRetarded

    All I want is a Popo Zao somewhere,
    far away from Brit’s chest hair.
    With class and ass to spare,
    Aow, wouldn’t it be loverly?

  19. downshine

    i cant believe how good he looks, like a news anchor or something…

    #1 its sad that you call them “corn rolls” whats even sadder is that thats your screen name as well. go try to find someone who will sell your dignity back to you.

  20. CruisingForCock

    Ari,

    You closet bi-sexual bimbo, there is a naked photo of me in your email now.

  21. tehchaos

    thats not him. i just don’t fucking believe it. it’s someone else.

  22. I love K-fed's Corn Rolls

    Ferderline himself referred to them as “Corn Rolls” in an interview… that’s why it’s my screen name… because it’s HILARIOUS…

    Brush up on your gossip and then you could understand my quick wit and pun on Mr. K-Fed.

    I would DEF. buy a used car from him. He does look like Chris Klien.

  23. meFailEnglish?

    …and now here’s Kevin for your weekend weather update.

  24. Star Maker Machinery

    He looks like a retarded version of Patrick Bateman from American Psycho. Even when he’s trying to conform he still comes off as a douchebag.

  25. magickal

    Screw the thumb nails, what’s up with that pointer finger? It looks rotten, or infected. Probably his “smack” finger. Ick.

    And I am with the few that agree that Kevins still looks like a douche, only gayer.

  26. magickal

    …and in MY town the saying was “You can only polish shit SO much!” teehee

  27. diedl

    My vote is that he looks like a combination of Chris O’Donnell, Kevin Spacey and Noah Wiley.

  28. Ari

    Cruising, check your mail.

  29. diedl

    However, regardless of whether or not he’s cleaned up, he still looks like a wimp. It’s like he’s completely devoid of testosterone. . .and one starts to wonder how it was physically possible that he has now sired (at least) 4 children.

  30. sissybelle

    I still think he has those sneaky, calculating eyes — “What can I take YOU for as I blow smoke up your ass?”

  31. Fa Cube Itches

    Could pass for the door manager at a chi-chi nightclub, I guess.

  32. bergdof616

    ALEX P. KEATON

  33. Ari

    I kind of hate to say this, because I know *someone* will probably use it against me, but normally, I really, REALLY love a guy in a suit. Something about knowing that underneath the conservative exterior lurks a wild man that I can’t wait to reclaim once the tie–and everything else–comes off…

    Popo-fuckwit just totally ruined that for me.

  34. he looks almost…normal. not half bad. in fact. he looks nice. ewwwww i can’t believe i said that.

  35. punkrocky

    oman! for a second i thought it was chris klein!!!
    and i cant tell wether his that thing on his left hand is a loongass nail or a ring.

  36. chelsea_423

    I forgot all about Noah Wiley…I wonder where he is now.
    K-Fed would be like one of those Oprah makeover shows where they change people’s look then track them down a year later to see if they kept up the new look and of course they look like crap again. Only it probably only took him a couple minutes to revert back to the K-Fed we all loathe.

  37. sierra1438

    Im sorry but he reminds me of a deformed christopher reeves (no offense superman…dont roll over on me) and it disgusts me. seriously you cant tell me that hes hot in those photos. I agree with 76-you can only polish shit soo much and in k-feds case-it just aint happenin’

  38. CruisingForCock

    73 Brilliant.

  39. CruisingForCock

    Please stop comparing this loser to my Noah Wyle.

  40. Fa Cube Itches

    Men’s Wearhouse introduces its 2006 Fall Feder-line.

  41. Land-Man

    What’s new with my balls…
    Whoa, whoa, whoa

    It’s not unusual to be in love with my balls…

    Land-Fed

  42. Land-Man

    El Land-Meister

  43. CruisingForCock

    Land-man, I’m going to bed now to dream of your land balls. Peace brother, you must be a brother…

  44. scarletpoppies

    Looks like a 1970′s Rootstein mannequin that suddenly came alive.Or a Price is Right male model.

  45. Fa Cube Itches

    83: That reminds me – I have to stop by the dry cleaners tomorrow morning. :)

  46. Ari

    *grumbles*
    Yeah, I knew it. Evil, I’m tellin’ ya.

  47. Mister White Shriveled Ballsack

    YOU FREAKIN’ LIBTURDS, SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH YOUR WHINING AND MOANING ABOUT THE FEDTARD!!!

    FEDTARD HAS MANY QUALITIES – HE’S WHITE, UM, ER, … HE PIMPS THAT BRITNEY BITCH WITH THE POWER OF HIS DISEASED WHITE COCK, YOU FREAKIN’ MONGREL HIPPIETARDS!!!

    GO BACK TO YOUR MINIMUM WAGE JOBS AT WALMART, SO I CAN JERK OFF IN YOUR LIBTARD SALADS, ASSCLOWNS!!!

  48. Fa Cube Itches

    Senior partner at Moloch & Belial, baby! >;-)

  49. Fa Cube Itches

    Federline’s white??

    Somehow, I imagine David Duke and Louis Farrakhan in a fight to the death over who has to take this loser.

  50. Ari

    Where’d you leave Zariel?

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