Kevin Federline has demands

November 10th, 2006 // 113 Comments

got their hands on a copy of Kevin Federline’s backstage demands. Included are a bottle of Jack Daniel’s, a bottle of Grey Goose, six bottles of specifically non-Evian water, a tray of gourmet cheeses, and a bunch of other crap he has no right to ask for. He had to give away tickets to his last concert, meaning he’s got about as much star power as the assistant manager of an IHOP. The only thing that should be on this list is “Nobody hiding in my room to beat me up” and maybe – maybe – “A place to sit.”

superficial

  1. Missallanpoe

    rofl what a moron..second

  2. Good thing his rider specifies that food be provided. It’s not like he could otherwise afford to feed himself.

    http://glossedover.com

  3. pirhan

    $50 say’s all that stuff is on there because he’s too poor or lazy, or both, to go grocery shopping.

  4. Mmmm, Jack Daniel’s and Doritos.

    All these hospitality riders that Smoking Gun unearths are so offensive.

  5. Perhaps he should request some fans too. It’s the only way he’s going to get them.

  6. Missallanpoe

    number 4, correct. I big 100 dollars on that =)

    ps: did you know the average 20 year old living alone has only 20 dollars to go grocery shopping each week? Isn’t THAT news and a kick right in the kaniegie?

  7. BarbadoSlim

    As a venue owner my response or counter-offer to these demands would be: How ’bout you exit my establishment before I have several muscular strangers rape you before I kill you with my bare hands….Yo.

  8. BarbadoSlim

    Oh what a class act, Beer?? WTF

    and two packs Marlboros and one fucking ashtray?

  9. Tits_McGhee

    The only request Kevin Federline should be making is is last meal, cause someone needs to kill this motherfucker.

  10. I was surprised to see that he did not list talent as something he needed, for we all know he does not take it with him.

    http://www.holisticwisdom.com

  11. Tits_McGhee

    Oh, and my favorite item is the “four clean towels”. HA! What’s he gonna go, whack off before the show? Too bad Brit can’t help him out in that department anymore. Boo hoo.

  12. SVA1994

    Who in the WORLD even agreed to allow him “demands” in the first place? Who exactly said, “These are pretty tough demands, but they’re worth it, cuz we REALLY WANT KEVIN FEDERLINE!”?

  13. tweetyeyes

    Oh, what now trying to be a bit un-hoosier to ask for an ashtray? He knows he puts it out on his plate after he’s done eating, the fucking puke!

  14. tweetyeyes

    Oh my god tits! I so much agree! You are so damn funny!

  15. laikiska

    ugh, the audacity! Just wish they’d served all of it laced with cyanide….

  16. I didn’t see “for personal use” butt plugs and dildos, assorted?

    And what the hell are “aromatherapy pillar candles”

    There’s NO CHEETOS !!!

  17. danielle

    Actually, I think even an assistant manager of IHOP has more star power then this dipshit.

    The only thing this poser should be demanding is some actual talent. What a whiny litle bitch.

  18. titianlolita

    Evian is not spring water… I pretty much despise K-Fag and anyone affilitated with that son of a bitch motherfucker.

  19. tweetyeyes

    I thought you were bannned Danielle?

  20. BarbadoSlim

    No #20 no cheetos he actually went for the stank-ass and lesser Doritos, ugh.

  21. NipsyHustle

    The letter should have read:

    Dear Wizard of Oz

    I come all the way from the ghetto of Fresno to be a super rap star, ya dig? All I need is a brain, talent, and street cred ASAP. Can I get all three items supsersized please? My album has only Zinc on the record charts and I perform to sold out crowds nightly, in my head. I know I can be platinum with some skillz to prove the haters wrong. Help a wigga out.

    Please hurry cuz I only got 21 seconds of fame left. I’m going to need some candles too cause i’m set to move into the crack upstairs from the hole in the wall, and wit my bad credit i can’t get no lights in my name.

  22. Jacquelantern

    God… and I thought he couldn’t be any more of a fucking loser than he already is…… I wrong!!

  23. brain

    I love your ironic and often also sarcastic comments on such wanna-be celebs like ‘MR. K-FED’. Keep at it! :)

  24. danielle

    #23. banned from what?

    I thought you were dead? Darn.

  25. Tha-Flash

    Disposable cups?… DISPOSABLE CUPS?

    What the fuck? Disposable cups!?

    Plates and tonsils….. ERM OK.

  26. jazzmine

    ahhahhahahahahahha. hahahahhaha. ha.

  27. I’m going to go out on a limb here and make a wild prediction that Brit-brit will take him back. I mean if she’s still wearing her wedding ring!…that tells me she’s not ready to admit defeat. Maybe filing divorce papers was to prove a point to K-debt-erline.

    Hell she SHOULD be in-your-face defiantly telling Fed-ex to go find some new popozao ‘cuz mama just ain’t footin’ the bill no mo.

  28. arden

    I kinda feel bad for him. I mean, he’s being made to believe he can do things he can’t by people who want to make some change. He was a BACK UP DANCER, right???

  29. krisdylee

    Too bad he didn’t ask for a tray of fresh shut the fuck up.. Cuz I have loads in stock.

  30. peachpie

    “I didn’t see “for personal use” butt plugs and dildos, assorted?

    And what the hell are “aromatherapy pillar candles”

    lol brian!!
    (ps… the pillar candles ARE the butt plugs. Anybody got a match?)

  31. I’ve reached a point where I couldn’t give a rancid bucket of gorilla jism about anything this mentally deficient pile of cunt fungus does.

    What I really care about is seeing titties: as previously mentioned on the Brit has a huge rack thread.

    So, someone (kris?), show me your titties… please?

    I promise that I won’t print a color copy and jerk off all over them. No, I definitely won’t do that. In fact, I’m pretty sure my color printer is running really low on “nipple pink.”

    Come on, quit being such fridgid bitches.

  32. slantingthroughdarkness

    He also has herpes. So what?

    http://crabbieshollywood.blogspot.com

  33. tits_on_snack

    pee my pants

  34. Beastiephile

    Who drinks or eats this much in the span of what, a couple hours? This sounds more like a grocery list.

  35. amaritimer

    he is such a fucking pussy!! He must be able to lick his eyebrows, I can see no other reason why Brit would have anything to do with it! Or maybe he has a big ‘ole horse cock on him AND can lick his eyebrows. That would be almost enough to convince me!

  36. One would think it would be time for him to cut down around now on his demands. Poor man. He’s going about everything all wrong.

  37. I obtained the original, unedited rider.

    http://img176.imageshack.us/img176/4601/kevinfederlinedemands1zf4.jpg

    …….
    ….

    … Mmm, Safeway Select Diet Rootbeer. Nice choice, Mr. Federline.

    http://chasingculture.com/liberty/index.php

  38. sid

    Y’know, aside from the two bottles of name-brand booze, that’s not all that bad, considering it’ll be for him and his half-dozen wigga hangers-on.

    I can’t really find it too outrageous, except for the booze, of course :/

    Just imagine: All those wigga Tupac wannabes, hangin’ out, crunching away on chips and lettuce, sipping JD…

    “You’re gonna climb, Kfed, you’re gonna clinb. Don’t let the hatahs get you down, brah,”

    (Kfed paces around, sucking the Marlboros)

    “FUCKING RIGHT I AM! I’m not letting these muthafuckas get to me

  39. I obtained the unedited rider…

    http://img297.imageshack.us/img297/9674/kevinfederlinedemands1yc5.jpg

    …Safeway Select Diet Root Beer? Nice choice, K-Fed.

  40. Equalparts

    K-Fed is about as entitled to having a rider as I am to skull fuck his wife. Oh wait….

  41. peachpie

    SOME OF THE FUNNIEST COMMENTS I’VE SEEN ON A POST IN A LONG TIME!! ROFLMAO!!!

    2 hours after i first read them, i’m still laughing!

  42. sexybitch

    “Clean” ice ice, baby! Guess he’s had enough of the ice that the kitchen help peed in.

  43. Superevil

    What No Shoes?

  44. Shit, sorry for the repost. I got an odd error while posting, and didn’t see my previous post.

    On topic, I think K-Fed is stocking up, much like someone would stock up for a hurricane.

    HURRICANE POVERTY COMN THRGH

    woot woot

  45. MizScarlett

    Due to unprecedented public lambasting, I predict Mr. FertileLoins will end up in the federal witness protection program, and when he does – when he’s living down the street from you and one day breaks into your house and drinks all your Sam Adams and impregnates your daughter and your golden retriever, you’ll have only yourselves to blame.

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