Kevin Federline gets his charity on

June 22nd, 2006 // 67 Comments
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Kevin Federline has finally decided to give back to the community with the worst charity I’ve ever seen in my entire life. He showed up to Times Square yesterday to promote Virgin Mobile’s 1-cent text-message service and help launch their “Save the Penny” fund-raising campaign which is aimed at keeping the penny in circulation, as well as collecting spare change for various children’s organizations.

“What’s up, New York!” Federline shouted from a stage after arriving in an armored truck decorated with 120,000 pennies. “I’m here with Virgin Mobile to bring the power back to the penny! I feel good about the penny! I’m glad to give it back to these charities.” Then he sent the first 1-cent text, claiming it went to “my wife.” Mugging for the cameras, Federline held up a penny and slipped it in the armored vehicle’s donation slot. Then K-Fed took a cigarette break, wiping his hand on his pants before doing a few television interviews.

“I just gave all my pennies to charity!” he bragged to one TV outlet. To another, he said: “A bunch of charities get these children off the streets – build a better life, build a better future, for these children.” And to another: “There’s thousands of kids out here that have nowhere to go.” He admitted to “Access Hollywood’s” Tim Vincent: “It’s my first time doing a charity.”

What a shock. Finished with his compassionate interviews, K-Fed kissed publicist Marilyn Lopez goodbye, and four bodyguards escorted him to a black SUV. A block into the ride, the SUV rear-ended a pedicab, prompting a curse-fest between the pedicab driver and one of Federline’s guards. At which point the Naked Cowgirl – a pastie-wearing, guitar-strumming Louisa Holmlund – toplessly approached the vehicle. A rear tinted window rolled halfway down, and a hand came out to give her two $1 bills.

If you managed to read through all that you must’ve noticed at the end he gave two $1 bills to a naked woman while only donating his change to charity. And you wonder why I consider him my personal hero.

superficial

  1. Dragulf

    @ #37 – too funny!

    B-Fed (As brit is feeding that asshat!) needs stop trying to poke out britney’s eyes all the time. That’s all he is doing, practicing.

    TC >L< TC!!!

  2. Fa Cube Itches

    Donating to charity and supporting the working nudist. Christ, Albert Schweitzer has nothing on this guy as a humanitarian!!!

  3. he gave $2 to a topless guitarist?

    what is this charity? They’re working to save the penny? All of them?

  4. bunnyhugger

    wait, wait! i’ve been under my rock again… i wanna know more about the naked cowgirl and why she took his two slimey bucks!

    k-fed is a total waste of space. i wish this ugly fucker would just die.

  5. idntgiva_hOoT!

    Dang, he donated a penny! Whoohoo, now all the hungry children in the world are going to be saved! He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.

  6. ptprez

    save the penny?…

    was anferney hardaway there???

  7. BigJim

    Looking at this picture makes me want to punch Kevin really, really, really bad.

    Really.

  8. 57 BJ

    I want to punch a lot of people really bad…

    On the other hand, I must admit, given the choice between giving money to kids, and giving money to a topless chick, the ta-ta-ta-titties will win out every time.

  9. ApacheRose

    58-
    Or you could give money to a topless mom and everybody wins!

  10. peanut

    I don’t know guys. I would not commit myself to a man if I had to buy my own wedding ring. Get a friggen clue!!!!!!!!!

  11. #7 – When a white person makes that gesture, it doesn’t stand for “west coast,” rather it stands for “white trash.” It is often accompanied by a flat hand on top of the middle apex of the “W,” as in, “we’re taking a time-out for white trash.”

  12. Nikki

    “toplessly.”

    This story spun into so many levels of unbelievability, my mind can’t even handle it.

  13. Who cares about the penny. I hate pennies, they are completely worthless (literally), and this idiot is trying to save them.

    Only Kevin Federline would give out his phone number, try to save a worthless obsolete currency, and then make a complete mockery of himself in the process. Why is he married to Britney again? Shouldn’t he be under some bridge somewhere lighting up?

  14. Pat

    K-fed reminds me of that Mr. Show sketch about the television network WPCOBCN: the White People Co-Opting Black Culture Network. Soon we’ll hear about K-Fed’s new group Three Times One Minus One – T.T.O.M.O!!!!!!!

  15. Spunkbubble on J. Alba's chest

    K-FED RULES!!!!! JUICE THAT MONEY!!!

  16. Spunkbubble on J. Alba's chest

    KED FED RULES! JUICE THAT MONEY!!

  17. HughJorganthethird

    Kevin Federline is like Ghandi 2006.

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