Kevin Federline gets his charity on

June 22nd, 2006 // 67 Comments
kevin-federline-penny-charity.jpg

Kevin Federline has finally decided to give back to the community with the worst charity I’ve ever seen in my entire life. He showed up to Times Square yesterday to promote Virgin Mobile’s 1-cent text-message service and help launch their “Save the Penny” fund-raising campaign which is aimed at keeping the penny in circulation, as well as collecting spare change for various children’s organizations.

“What’s up, New York!” Federline shouted from a stage after arriving in an armored truck decorated with 120,000 pennies. “I’m here with Virgin Mobile to bring the power back to the penny! I feel good about the penny! I’m glad to give it back to these charities.” Then he sent the first 1-cent text, claiming it went to “my wife.” Mugging for the cameras, Federline held up a penny and slipped it in the armored vehicle’s donation slot. Then K-Fed took a cigarette break, wiping his hand on his pants before doing a few television interviews.

“I just gave all my pennies to charity!” he bragged to one TV outlet. To another, he said: “A bunch of charities get these children off the streets – build a better life, build a better future, for these children.” And to another: “There’s thousands of kids out here that have nowhere to go.” He admitted to “Access Hollywood’s” Tim Vincent: “It’s my first time doing a charity.”

What a shock. Finished with his compassionate interviews, K-Fed kissed publicist Marilyn Lopez goodbye, and four bodyguards escorted him to a black SUV. A block into the ride, the SUV rear-ended a pedicab, prompting a curse-fest between the pedicab driver and one of Federline’s guards. At which point the Naked Cowgirl – a pastie-wearing, guitar-strumming Louisa Holmlund – toplessly approached the vehicle. A rear tinted window rolled halfway down, and a hand came out to give her two $1 bills.

If you managed to read through all that you must’ve noticed at the end he gave two $1 bills to a naked woman while only donating his change to charity. And you wonder why I consider him my personal hero.

superficial

  1. AJKINCT

    Kevin Kevin Kevin you would be notin without Brit. She needs to kick his white trash ass to the curb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. eatmyass_sherry-co

    Priceless.

    Oh wait, nevermind. It’s worth $2.

    TCLTC

  3. biatcho

    pssst Britney Lover #1: the celebrities pictured on here can’t hear you when you comment. So you don’t have to talk to them like they’re really here. Go talk to the pictures hanging on your bedroom wall – they might talk back if you imagine it hard enough.

  4. smashinroaches

    Kev: Yo where my niggas at. Oh, they left. Come to think of it,I never had any. Ohh shit dude.

  5. imabeeatch

    Here’s my two cents

    TCLKFC

  6. smashinroaches

    Kevin IS a charity case and Britney is his sponser.

  7. bigponie

    note to K-fed, don’t attempt the west coast sign with arthritic hands.

  8. Jacq

    Then, he got out of the SUV two blocks down the road with a coffee can and pandered for change from passers by until he got his $2.01 back and bought a pack of Kools. Cause black people smoke Kools.

  9. Jacq

    “There’s thousands of kids out here that have nowhere to go.”
    They’ll have a nice-ass mansion in Malibu to stay at once the paternity tests are verified.

  10. Geno

    I agree with The Superficial. He is my hero. After hating him & rolling my eyes for a while, he’s won me over. The guy has no talent, but he’s made himself famous & tons of cash. I give up. Good for him. That bastard.
    http://genosworld.blogspot.com/

  11. Jacq

    Someone needs to punch that homo-lookin’ wiggin’ motherfucker in the face.

  12. BriBri

    That was so beyond lame that it will take the light from lame 150 light years to reach this. smh…

  13. MotherOfPearl

    I’m just wondering who decided it would be a good idea to have KFed as head spokesperson for any sort of promotional event, even a half-baked one like this. What marketing genius jumped from his or her desk and said “By golly, I need the male half of the SPEDerlines to promote this waaackky new charity?”

  14. Jacq

    No matter how much money he makes, Kevin still goes to bed every night wishing he will wake-up as Sean Paul.

    Where is M@CE when someone needs to be SMASHED?!

  15. Jacq

    #11 – I forgot to mention that I wish that someone could be me.

  16. bigponie

    just imagine, those fingers have been inside Britt’s twinkies.

  17. SpecialAgentWind

    I donate my “two cents” that K-Dump should be killed. Inhumanely. Long torturous death on cable tv. At 7pm, pre-emting the snoozefest Entertainment Tonight. All viewers should get free Cheetos. To feed to their fatass kids. All on a Wednesday night.

  18. Figures when he finally does charity work it involves penny donations. Could anyone expect K-Fag to get actual whole dollars from anyone (except Britney)? I love how the press just follow and wait with him, knowing he will screw up eventually. He gives a cent to homeless kids, and two bucks to a half-naked headcase. In a sense, he now knows what it is like to be his wife.

  19. plymouthrock

    oh god, this is the best story I’ve read on here for a good long while. Classic.

  20. IFuckingHateYou

    K-Sped, here’s all my pennies, please choke on them.

  21. Italian Stallion

    I always thought that A stand s for the Atlanta Braves, in this case I guess it stands for allomony……….

  22. IFuckingHateYou

    And it came out even worse than it looked when I typed it. Damn it, he cane still choke on it.

  23. jane's eyre

    He looks like a white Snoop Dogg in this picture. Minus the talent.

  24. Giggles

    God, he’s pathetic.

  25. RichPort

    This charity must really NOT want any money at all. Even the poor kids are like “Fuck this shit, and FUCK A K FED!!!” If he wants to give to charity, he should swagger his wannabe ass through uptown Manhattan and get the smile slapped off of his face, and his bling pawned for fat nickle bags…

    #5 and #20 pretty freakin’ funny

  26. Spacedog

    I’m glad the welfare to work program is going so well. These people need tough love.

  27. ESQ

    Dear K-Fucked:

    Please go away and never return.

    Thank you.

    Respectfully,

    All of Humanity

  28. ESQ

    P.S. You cheap fuck, you spend more of Britney’s money on Cristal every night instead of donating it to charity and a woman that has to wear pasties for a living.

  29. K-Fed donating to Charity is just like a Homeless guy donating money to a homeless shelter.

  30. spanglish

    Somebody bleached Snoop Dogg white!

    Fo shizzle!

  31. tits_on_snack

    His hand looks like the hand of a kid I went to highschool with. He had one deformed arm with a three-fingered hand, and we called him “Trainwreck”. He traced his three-fingered hand on the cover of all his text books.

    Ah, Trainwreck… where are you now…

  32. spanglish

    With all these jokes about Britney saying she is country, where is K’ev N from?

    Also, sure, a five year old may want to sit on your lap and “drive” the car, but a nine month old has no such wishes.

  33. spanglish

    ——-

  34. Jacq

    #31- If I had three fingers, I’d trace that shit on everything! Only, I’d just stick up my middle finger.

    I’m posting so much, I think I’m turning into lamebananas. Or I think I’m turning Japanese. I really think so.

  35. Hara

    If rappers got pissed about Bow wow and B2K doing the crip walk because that’s “posing” why the F hasn’t anyone shot this fool already? He is NOT from the west side. FYI Kevin, that doesn’t mean anyone born on the Pacific Coast. That little information gem is free- no change required.

    If I were a gang member, I’ dont care if it’s the effing Chinese Mafia, I would have shot [read, "capped"]K-Fed a LONG time ago. Heck If i owned a gun he’d be wise to watch his back.

    - btw, pretty much every black man photographed near K-fed who is NOT commiting an act of violence on said person needs to turn in their Black Card immediately. officially revoked.

  36. jane's eyre

    NO sex, no drugs, no wine, no women
    no fun, no sin, no you, no wonder it’s dark out…

    Did you know “turning Japanese” means masturbation?

    You dirty bird, you.

  37. nicholelibra

    Wait a minute, I thought that Kevin was the charity case? I guess this would be his first time doing charity because he’s usually doing the sponsor.

  38. Jewbacca

    I wish Kfed would come to my neigborhood and start throwing signs. He’d get dropped pretty quick, I’d say. 6poppin 5droppin 4olk nat1on 4 li43.

  39. spanglish

    He’s such a dork. At least eminem had his own thing going. I didn’t feel he was trying to be black. K’ev N is like the new Vanilla Ice. It just doesn’t work for a white guy to act that way. I don’t particularly like it when black guys do it. Try taking care of your kids, or better yet, put a rubber on or get snipped and millions of Americans might admire you (especially the women). Guys that neglect their kids are not cool. There should be a most wanted list on these guys. They should be shot with a tranquilizer dart and snipped while they are asleep.

  40. spanglish

    squinty smokers eyes and no lips

    DUDE…

  41. maddawg_pimp

    Somewhere a trailer park is missing 2 of it’s genetic defects.

  42. spanglish

    *in a Mike Tyson voice*

    Dude, like me and Britney’s real tight, ya know. She’s real understanding. She’s helping me be a real man by paying my babies’ mommy child support, for real. Britney’s so hot. I like a girl to have a booty. She backs that thing up any time I want to. Shit…

  43. spanglish

    …she buys me kick ass clothes and pays for me and my homies to go to the movies. Even gets us the big tub of popcorn and everything. She’s just so cool. Ya know, maybe I should do something nice for her. I’ll have to scrounge through the couch and see if I can find some change. She really liked that hat I got her last week with the flower on it. Wore it to the beach and everything…

  44. Jacq

    #36 – Well, in that case, if I’m going to be masturbating THANK GOD I’ve still got all 5 fingers.

  45. this guy needs to go AWAY!!!

  46. scamps

    Of course K-Fed would support this. If the penny was taken away, his entire net worth would disappear.

  47. imabeeatch

    In this picture K-Fag looks just like this homeless guy I saw on the corner downtown on my way into work this morning. Seriously, does this guy ever bathe?

  48. I bet he smells like the bottom of the donations hamper at the Salvation Army

  49. frenchtoaststix

    If a K-Fag shows up at a charity event, does anyone notice? Apparently, yes. What has this lameass done except knock one chick up without marrying her; dump her when she’s knocked up with #2 for $hitney; marry that gravy train in a hot skippy hurry; knock HER up; spend money on Cristal and strippers that his wife has earned with her ass-shaking, fake titty- bearing, and painful, cat-in-heat warbling; continue to appear looking smelly, like a quasi-ghetto wannabe, smoking; and finally knock up the gravy train AGAIN. So basically he’s famous for fornicating, frolicking, and fetuses. Maybe he should just DIE already!

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