Kevin Hart Isn’t Paying His Sex Tape Extortionist

Kevin Hart is pulling a Letterman and beating his extortionist to the punch. It’s a cold-blooded story… Whoever is in possession of the tape is asking for $10 million to stay silent, while simultaneously blowing her/his leverage by going to TMZ with this letdown that they made in iMovie. (DISCLAIMER: there’s no Kevin Hart penis whatsoever.)

I’m no Raymond Chandler, I don’t know how crime actually works beyond the occasional jaywalking score; if you’re looking to extort someone for something that everyone knows about, maybe you should hold your cards a little closer to your chest, eh?

Kevin Hart knows he tagged multiple women since marrying his second wife (a relationship that developed by cheating on his first wife), so he’s just going to nip this whole thing in the bud now and save $10 million by publicly fessing up. Does this mean they’ll stop making movies with him and The Rock? We hope so…

Meanwhile the FBI claims they know the identity of whoever is trying to extort the cash out of Hart, and I think they’re screwed. Not that Kevin Hard should be let off the hook; I don’t abide by the invisible guy code that says I need to take his side because he was/is being taken advantage of. I don’t care how cock-hungry these party girls were, he ultimately was the one to slang his D out of his own zipper, so he deserves no sympathy. Especially considering this wasn’t the first time…