Kevin Federline Defends Britney Spears

September 9th, 2010 // 35 Comments

Seen here being told the worst news of his life (“No chicken wings?! Girl, we out.”), Kevin Federline has stepped forward to defend Britney Spears from a new lawsuit alleging she sexually harassed a bodyguard in between ritualistic beatings of her children with a belt. Via People:

“He is satisfied that the allegations are a product of economic motives,” Federline’s attorney, Mark Vincent Kaplan, tells the Associated Press. “They are as baseless as they seem.”
Among other claims, the guard alleges that Spears, 28, engaged in sex acts in the presence of her and Federline’s two young children – something Federline also does not believe.
Kaplan said Federline, 32, who has custody of Sean Preston, 4, and Jayden James, 3, takes the kids’ welfare extremely seriously, and that an investigation into Fernando Flores’s claims prior to his lawsuit turned up nothing.

Even if these accusations were true, Kevin Federline would’ve released the same exact statement because, let’s face it, no one wants to disrupt the gravy train. The actual, literal gravy train. What? You don’t think Britney fills a freight car full of gravy and drives it over to Kevin’s house? These people are rich. They do whatever they want! She’d turn a plane into a giant Boston Creme donut and commit a terrorist act with it if her dad didn’t tell the bodyguards to keep her away from the “mixin’ bowls.” Which is exactly why I have nothing but the utmost respect for parents raising a special needs child. You people are the true unsung heroes.

Photos: Pacific Coast News

superficial

  1. ChinoLatino

    First Bitches!

    • ChinoLatino

      Always wanted to do that! lol

      • Georgeo

        Glad you were able to accomplish your life’s goal. You can die now.

      • Marcus

        It’s an amazing feeling isn’t it, I remember my First first time. Brings tears to my eyes.

      • ChinoLatino

        Georgie are you still a first virgin? Don’t hate, it’ll happen one day with a little effort. lol

      • Georgeo

        I’ve been first many, many times, but always with a relevant, witty, insightful comment, made for the same of making the comment rather than for the sake of having the first post. There’s no joy in taking the first comment with “FIRST.”

        To draw an analogy, I’ve taken the virginity of many beautiful women.

        You, however, just popped the cherry of a big, fat, ugly chick.

      • Richard McBeef

        Firsttards can fuck off and chinolatino is a douchebaggerdashery in uptown.

      • LD

        Georgeo it took you an over an hour to type your second reply to a “first” comment and that is what you came up with. This is lame on so many levels.

      • Gerogeo

        Sorry LD…I mean ChinoLatino. Next time I’ll try to spend every minute of every day here.

  2. Kevin Federline
    Hugh Gentry
    Commented on this photo:

    god damn those are some great legs…what are they doing with Federline? He’s a fucking blimp.

  3. He’a chivalrous one, that federline. Wasnt he shopping a brtney sex tape not that long ago?

  4. Kevin Federline
    Marcus
    Commented on this photo:

    taking out the trash, wonder what her name is.

  5. Kevin Federline
    first
    Commented on this photo:

    first

  6. first

    first

  7. Kevin Federline
    ????????
    Commented on this photo:

    how is it that kevin is dating up and brit is always dating down?

  8. first

    fist first first

  9. Kevin Federline
    ChiChiBug
    Commented on this photo:

    You can tell this girl works out…look how great those legs look!

  10. Mike Hawk

    PopoZão

  11. Kevin Federline
    Commented on this photo:

    He clearly still thinks he’s black.

  12. I’d gladly hit K-Fizzle’s Hollywood trim over anything Jon Goesslin pulls any day of the week.

  13. TG

    This post also needs to be tagged *How to protect the shit out of your alimony* (see: the former Mrs. Mel Gibson)

  14. ChinoLatino

    Georgie, Just how ” relevant, witty and insightful” CAN you actually get after writing “first”? lol

  15. butterbun

    why do K-Fed’s t-shirts always always look like he’s wearing them backwards?? I can’t stand it anymore!

  16. …fat greasy, money hungry fuck..

  17. Kevin Federline
    bernard
    Commented on this photo:

    man-hands
    small-head

  18. Kevin Federline
    bernard
    Commented on this photo:

    gettin’ the pussy ain’t it, it’s ‘cepting the pussy you get…

  19. Doc Schweinstrudel

    Isn’t it a typical figure over there. A fat lazy man next to a gorgeous girl whom he takes to dinner at a fastfood, makes her buy stuff for him cause he’s probably to retarded to calculate the bill and the it’s probably he who calls her fat.

  20. Kevin Federline
    one legged
    Commented on this photo:

    britney for the money.
    then he gets models who live off money.
    models fuck at least 100 guys in their days.

  21. captain america

    kevin FATONLINE is still in the use of XXXXXXXXXXXXXL T-shirts?

  22. Kevin Federline
    SHELL
    Commented on this photo:

    Wasn’t he supposed to of lost weight on Celebrity Fit Club ??

  23. barroom hero

    wigger douchebag.

  24. Rachel

    I heart Georgeo. You make me laugh. :)

  25. Resume Editing

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