Kevin Federline Defends Britney Spears

Seen here being told the worst news of his life (“No chicken wings?! Girl, we out.”), Kevin Federline has stepped forward to defend Britney Spears from a new lawsuit alleging she sexually harassed a bodyguard in between ritualistic beatings of her children with a belt. Via People:

“He is satisfied that the allegations are a product of economic motives,” Federline’s attorney, Mark Vincent Kaplan, tells the Associated Press. “They are as baseless as they seem.”
Among other claims, the guard alleges that Spears, 28, engaged in sex acts in the presence of her and Federline’s two young children – something Federline also does not believe.
Kaplan said Federline, 32, who has custody of Sean Preston, 4, and Jayden James, 3, takes the kids’ welfare extremely seriously, and that an investigation into Fernando Flores’s claims prior to his lawsuit turned up nothing.

Even if these accusations were true, Kevin Federline would’ve released the same exact statement because, let’s face it, no one wants to disrupt the gravy train. The actual, literal gravy train. What? You don’t think Britney fills a freight car full of gravy and drives it over to Kevin’s house? These people are rich. They do whatever they want! She’d turn a plane into a giant Boston Creme donut and commit a terrorist act with it if her dad didn’t tell the bodyguards to keep her away from the “mixin’ bowls.” Which is exactly why I have nothing but the utmost respect for parents raising a special needs child. You people are the true unsung heroes.

Photos: Pacific Coast News