Seen here being told the worst news of his life (“No chicken wings?! Girl, we out.”), Kevin Federline has stepped forward to defend Britney Spears from a new lawsuit alleging she sexually harassed a bodyguard in between ritualistic beatings of her children with a belt. Via People:
“He is satisfied that the allegations are a product of economic motives,” Federline’s attorney, Mark Vincent Kaplan, tells the Associated Press. “They are as baseless as they seem.”
Among other claims, the guard alleges that Spears, 28, engaged in sex acts in the presence of her and Federline’s two young children – something Federline also does not believe.
Kaplan said Federline, 32, who has custody of Sean Preston, 4, and Jayden James, 3, takes the kids’ welfare extremely seriously, and that an investigation into Fernando Flores’s claims prior to his lawsuit turned up nothing.
Even if these accusations were true, Kevin Federline would’ve released the same exact statement because, let’s face it, no one wants to disrupt the gravy train. The actual, literal gravy train. What? You don’t think Britney fills a freight car full of gravy and drives it over to Kevin’s house? These people are rich. They do whatever they want! She’d turn a plane into a giant Boston Creme donut and commit a terrorist act with it if her dad didn’t tell the bodyguards to keep her away from the “mixin’ bowls.” Which is exactly why I have nothing but the utmost respect for parents raising a special needs child. You people are the true unsung heroes.
Photos: Pacific Coast News
ChinoLatino | September 9, 2010 at 11:19 am
First Bitches!
ChinoLatino | September 9, 2010 at 11:20 am
Always wanted to do that! lol
Georgeo | September 9, 2010 at 11:22 am
Glad you were able to accomplish your life’s goal. You can die now.
Marcus | September 9, 2010 at 11:35 am
It’s an amazing feeling isn’t it, I remember my First first time. Brings tears to my eyes.
ChinoLatino | September 9, 2010 at 11:39 am
Georgie are you still a first virgin? Don’t hate, it’ll happen one day with a little effort. lol
Georgeo | September 9, 2010 at 12:32 pm
I’ve been first many, many times, but always with a relevant, witty, insightful comment, made for the same of making the comment rather than for the sake of having the first post. There’s no joy in taking the first comment with “FIRST.”
To draw an analogy, I’ve taken the virginity of many beautiful women.
You, however, just popped the cherry of a big, fat, ugly chick.
Richard McBeef | September 9, 2010 at 2:30 pm
Firsttards can fuck off and chinolatino is a douchebaggerdashery in uptown.
LD | September 9, 2010 at 3:01 pm
Georgeo it took you an over an hour to type your second reply to a “first” comment and that is what you came up with. This is lame on so many levels.
Gerogeo | September 10, 2010 at 12:06 am
Sorry LD…I mean ChinoLatino. Next time I’ll try to spend every minute of every day here.
dudeatdudedotdude | September 9, 2010 at 11:34 am
He’a chivalrous one, that federline. Wasnt he shopping a brtney sex tape not that long ago?
first | September 9, 2010 at 11:42 am
first
first | September 9, 2010 at 11:44 am
fist first first
Mike Hawk | September 9, 2010 at 11:51 am
PopoZão
stinky mcpoop | September 9, 2010 at 12:08 pm
I’d gladly hit K-Fizzle’s Hollywood trim over anything Jon Goesslin pulls any day of the week.
TG | September 9, 2010 at 1:01 pm
This post also needs to be tagged *How to protect the shit out of your alimony* (see: the former Mrs. Mel Gibson)
Doc Schweinstrudel | September 10, 2010 at 4:09 am
HA HA TG you nailed it!
ChinoLatino | September 9, 2010 at 6:58 pm
Georgie, Just how ” relevant, witty and insightful” CAN you actually get after writing “first”? lol
butterbun | September 9, 2010 at 8:11 pm
why do K-Fed’s t-shirts always always look like he’s wearing them backwards?? I can’t stand it anymore!
bitch PLEASE | September 9, 2010 at 10:16 pm
…fat greasy, money hungry fuck..
Doc Schweinstrudel | September 10, 2010 at 4:11 am
Isn’t it a typical figure over there. A fat lazy man next to a gorgeous girl whom he takes to dinner at a fastfood, makes her buy stuff for him cause he’s probably to retarded to calculate the bill and the it’s probably he who calls her fat.
captain america | September 10, 2010 at 6:20 am
kevin FATONLINE is still in the use of XXXXXXXXXXXXXL T-shirts?
barroom hero | September 12, 2010 at 2:20 pm
wigger douchebag.
Rachel | September 13, 2010 at 5:41 pm
I heart Georgeo. You make me laugh. :)
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