Kevein Federline writes mean stuff on doors

November 15th, 2006 // 159 Comments

The day after Britney Spears filed for divorce, the always ridiculous Kevin Federline used a Sharpie to write a message on the shower door of his dressing room at the House of Blues in Chicago where he performed, saying:

Today I’m a free man
Ladies look out
Fuck a wife
Give me my kids Bitch!

I mean there’s class, and then there’s class. And then there’s this guy, who has so much class he makes the Monopoly man look like a hobo. God forbid K-Fed ever gets a tuxedo, because the world isn’t ready for a man so classy grape juice would actually transform itself into wine for him.

NOTE: This clown has the handwriting of a kindergartner. It’s a wonder he even managed to spell words instead of just drawing a bunch of stars and smiley faces.


  1. SVA1994

    “It’s a wonder he even managed to spell words instead of just drawing a bunch of stars and smiley faces.”

    LOL. Pretty rich given that the retard who composed the headline thinks “Kevein” is the guy’s name. Perhaps he and Federline should shack up. They’d hit it off famously. :-)

  2. marshmallow-dream

    richport – the game is getting tiring. just give it up and admit you often post innane comments and when confronted you blame it on your alter ego

    jrzmommy – don’t bring your parenting situations into your comments. face it – you can’t justify spending all day commenting on this site. if your kids needed markers, as you say, they’d have to first pry you away from the computer. you are an embarassment and i pity your poor kids. you are the ultimate nightmare parent. get off the couch and find a job, go back to school, get involved in the community, be a respectable parent. and maybe learn to mind your own business if you don’t want someone dishing it back to you.

  3. herbiefrog

    so 9/11 was a good day to
    break bad news

    ok wr’re b a a a a c k : ) ) )

  4. chicketieboo

    I’d consider giving the kids over on one stipulation, he showed me one photo where he was holding them, maybe even had a smile on his face?

  5. Kevin Federline has 4 Kids. There are 4 Horseman of the Apocolypse. Coincidence?

    Probably. If they actually were bringing in the last days of doom, they’d be riding in on short horses, helmets backwards, bring pestilence and plague with crayons up their nose.

  6. vanillacreme

    The fact that Kevin Federline has managed to reproduce this many offspring could be used as an argument that ‘survival of the fittest’ really doesn’t exist.

    I’m being perfectly honest when I say that I’m glad he did this. It’s one more piece of evidence that would make a judge in a custody trial make sure he can’t see his kids unsupervised. Because honestly, I don’t think there’s child on Earth who deserves to live with a guy like that.

  7. shell

    If Fed Ex isn’t the epitomy of a retarded hillbilly I don’t know what is.

  8. ponk

    marshmallow, what were you in a past life, animal, vegetable, or mineral?

  9. PrettyBaby

    #86 Sorry Troller, I kiss no ones ass but usually I get asked if they can kiss and/or lick mine. What’s up with that?

    Richport’s comments are usually funnier than yours. That’s all.

    As K-fed would probably say “Don’t hate the playa, hate the game”

  10. Maskatron

    I’d hit (the living crap out of) him.

  11. PrettyBaby

    I like to end my comments by using Kevin Federline’s words instead of my own. I love him so much. I believe somebody asked what’s up with all the girls secretly (and not so secretly) into KFed? Exhibit A.

  12. PrettyBaby

    #112 Hahah That actually was funny!

    Yes, troller K-Fed is gonna bust my ass tonight. Thank you, that was funny!!!!!!!!!

  13. PrettyBaby

    Dear marshmallow dream, i love you so much and i want to spread your gooey cream all over myself and wacth you kick Richport’s ass.then i will cum for you

  14. wedgeone

    #96 – If you use the “Find” feature of your browser, and search for the word “ladle” you’ll find it listed ELEVEN TIMES prior to your posting.
    And what is a “laldes” anyway?
    Is English your native language or have you just accidentally shown us all that you’re illiterate.

    Can someone tell me how all of this trolling is going on? In order to post on this site, you have to have a sitekey name and password, yes? So how can the same name appear by two different people, unless one knows the other’s password?

  15. frenchtoaststix

    #96: I commented on LADLES first at #5. FIVE! I had to crouch over my mouse hitting “REFRESH” every second so that I would be the first to comment should a utensil reference be needed at any given moment. Now fuck off.

  16. Sheva

    And how much child support do you want with only the latter two of your kids K-dick?

    So now you publicly write the mom is a bitch. Nice.

    K-dick, all class, all the time.

  17. Seriously, ladies, look out. Before you know it, he’s gonna hit you over the head with a wine bottle he stole and before you know it, you’re pregnant with his child. So far 2 ladies with 2 children each. Better watch out.

  18. biatcho

    #115 & #116 – look up the word sarcasm and you’ll see my post from #96.

  19. wedgeone

    hey me, here’s my answer to my question – because nickname isn’t restricted to name and password

  20. mrs.t

    Dear Biatcho,

    How is it that children are still coming to this site without any understanding of sarcasm, smartassed-ness, or humor?

    Please do reply at your earliest convenience, as I am minutes from being told to stop giving you head/sticking my tongue up your ass.


    mrs. t

  21. Anodyne

    This could turn out well for the House of Blues. And for the Superficial.
    The owner can charge doaline for the door, then list it on ebay. Doubtless, since bspears’s used hpt brought in the cash from a casino, some bspears obsessed, gelatinous middle aged white male shall sell all the collectable figurines he has in his mom’s basement and buy the defaced door for a cool 30k.

    Then he can post a youtube of him shattering it with his own body, suffering multiple lacerations in the process, proving to bspears that he and he alone truely loves her, and proposing via the enet.


  22. SonJaSpiCe

    Where did he get the Sharpie from? It wasn’t in his rider…

  23. LL

    It wasn’t that long ago some of us were saying that maybe he’s the brains of the outfit. Clearly, we were wrong. There are no brains in that outfit. They’re both stupid. She’s stupid for birthing two of his kids and he’s just stupid. And classy, too. And he’s not that bad looking when he cleans up, but his actions of just the past week… yikes. He’s making Pam Anderson and her skeevy ex look like parent of the year material. Yeah, and nothing – I say nothing – looks better to a judge in a custody hearing than soliciting payment for a sex video and writing profane comments about your soon-to-be-ex wife in a public place. While he’s at it, he should make a few threatening phone calls and sit outside her house in his car and those kids are as good as his! He’s a genius.

  24. Don'tPanic

    #108, that’s hilarious considering you misspelled epitome.

    Biatcho, don’t worry, those of us with IQs over 60 understood, and even chuckled at, your post.

  25. Blog Lurker Guy Man Dude

    “Ladies look out, I’m a free man?” That sounds more like a warning for women than an announcement coming from K-Fed. Here’s my translation of what he said:
    “Women Beware, I’ve just been release from prison and I’m coming for you!” Poor man walking, beware of mugging.

  26. Rogue

    Say what you want about Federline, but Britney Spears is the Einstein that chose him. Says a whole helluva lot about what’s between her ears too.

  27. seaglass

    Nothing proves you’re a responsible parent more effectively than scrawling incoherent gibberish on shower doors.

  28. twzzlrgirl

    #115 — I was laughing out loud. Biatcho was being SARCASTIC.
    You actually took the time to use the “find” key to write your post. To prove someone wrong. On a blog.

  29. RichPort

    Marshy – Get off my nuts. You obviously can’t compete without trying to be the rest of us. As many fucked up things that danielle and I said to each other, she came at me and didn’t resort to fucking trolling. She at least gets respect for that (just that… let’s not start sucking each other’s dicks over here, danielle). You, dickhead, continue to try and fuck up playtime for the adults. This site is full of inane commentary, from me and others, but there are many gems as well. Oddly, none by you. I’m sure you’ll be riding my dick a while longer, so we’ll just wait until you get tired and go away. Now, fuck off…

  30. Satanista

    How this jackass got two women to marry him and bear his spawn is beyond me. I mean, I know Britney’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer herself, but compared to this guy she’s practically a member of Mensa.

  31. killeristic

    today i’m a free BITCH!
    did he think that he was the only one who can write stuff on the door like that???

  32. falconeddierulz

    “Too day I is a free wigga
    Hoes bedda look out
    Fuk my old laydee
    Gives me my meel tikets bitch!

    Pure poetry…

  33. ranesing

    What’s Lorena Bobbitt doin these days anyway?

  34. Jeremy1Esq

    In about 15 years one of his kids will be calling 911 saying “My dad is an asshole”

    His kids will be just like OJs. Fugly and mentally destroyed.

  35. Leori

    That is horrifying. I will continue to be horrified by this post for the rest of the day. How old is this guy, thirteen?? Was he dropped on his head as a baby?? Why is he still allowed to interact with other normal human beings?

  36. HollyJ

    #137 – The real questions are…

    1. How could ANYONE have sex with this urchin-splooge for four fucking hours?

    2. Why isn’t he with his soul-mate Tonya Harding?

  37. How dumb can one man be? Why is he famous?

    I hate K-Fed so, so much.

  38. Valerie

    Pretty sad when the first and only autograph you’ve ever signed was on a door and to a bunch of imaginary ladels.

  39. lisad71

    K-Sped might want to change those lyrics from “All these model chicks wanna do me” to something that talks about his fondness for kitchen utensils.

    And Kev, can ya be a little bit more specific about whose wife we’re fucking?

  40. Marjolein

    Ladies look out:
    – before you get impregnated?!
    – for your money?!

    a bit selfconfident aren’t we?

  41. shell

    #125 well excuse the hell out of me for my f’ing typo

  42. frenchtoaststix

    #119 and friends: Perhaps if the post was 2) sarcastic or b) funny, I might have noticed. Too busy sharpening my under-60 IQ.

  43. YourRetarded

    K-Fed: That’s right, bitch, I’m-a gonna fuck up the world with my rappin’ an’ shit. Word.
    Britney (puts down asparagus, adjusts her trucker hat, slaps the table).: Hunhhh? Y’all can go kiss my white-trash ass. Yer good for those little white swimmy thingies in your dong, what’s it called. Spermicides. Me? I’m down to a SIZE SIX, y’all. What have you done with your life?
    K-Fed: Yo yo yo. The worl’ cares about ME, yo. Not you. Fuck a wife. You so Evian. That’s muh new slang, bitch. No Evian in my dressin’ room. Know why? ‘Coz it spells NAIVE backwards. That’s what you are. NAIVE. That’s like French or something.
    Britney: What’s a ladle, anyway?
    K-Fed: You dumbass. They’re like, overalls n’ shit for Germans.
    [end of scene]

  44. jemfysh

    I think he means to say “fuck n wife”, but with writing like that it’s hard to tell. btw how is it that he can sign his name on a shower screen but can’t do so on his newborn’s birth certificate…could it be that Jayden’s father and shower dude are not one and the same?!

  45. veggi

    #145- thank you. Finally something funny!

  46. biatcho

    Oh frenchtoaststix, I am so sorry for hurting your delicate, fragile ego by not giving you props for being the first of ELEVEN people to make unfunny jokes about ladles. So in honor of your wit & intelligence I am going to repost your first post about ladles on every thread today.

    Posted by frenchtoaststix on November 15, 2006 9:44 AM

    It looks like “ladles look out.” Perhaps Bioplant is right; he’s on the sauce. I have a spatula that I could whack him upside the head with.

    Jackass makes his “S” look like a 3; wheer did he goe to skewl?

    i think I just peed in my pants.

  47. Duuude, why does everyone hate this cat so much? Does NO ONE else recognize the underlying brilliance (on some level) that this jackass exudes at full force? “Fuck a wife,” I mean… WOW. I take it as a threat. Most definitely. As in, “I’ll fuck YOUR wife.” Absolutely. The man is a classic on every level.

  48. cole007

    “Fuck a wife” – priceless. he’s like beetlejuice – must have had some water on the brain as an infant. those kids are going to be “real smart.”

    To #71, veggi, you ROCK:


    ya think? I thought he had a good handful.

  49. veggi

    I think that’s Selsun Blue Dandruff Shampoo in the shower. Gol-lly, now he should be embarrassed.

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