Kevein Federline writes mean stuff on doors

November 15th, 2006 // 159 Comments

The day after Britney Spears filed for divorce, the always ridiculous Kevin Federline used a Sharpie to write a message on the shower door of his dressing room at the House of Blues in Chicago where he performed, saying:

Today I’m a free man
Ladies look out
Fuck a wife
Give me my kids Bitch!

I mean there’s class, and then there’s class. And then there’s this guy, who has so much class he makes the Monopoly man look like a hobo. God forbid K-Fed ever gets a tuxedo, because the world isn’t ready for a man so classy grape juice would actually transform itself into wine for him.

NOTE: This clown has the handwriting of a kindergartner. It’s a wonder he even managed to spell words instead of just drawing a bunch of stars and smiley faces.


  1. Jedi Kevin

    Nice typo, Superficial Guy.


  2. moi

    The day after she told him she filed, or the day after she put on the papers that they’ve separated?

    The day he was kicked to the curb (the day after they separated, according to the divorce papers) he was in Toronto, was he not? Much Music was filming him when he got the buh-bye text message.

  3. particle)man

    “Today I’m a free mom”?

  4. there’s an entire drawer full of kitchen utensils quivering in their proverbial boots right now.

  5. ponk

    LOL papa. nice!

  6. tits_on_snack

    Ahhhh, “ladies look out” is right. Euugh. That would explain the involuntary shudder that went up my spine at precisely that time last week.

  7. KnuckleCrackTheBone

    #52- That was already addressed at #14

  8. heisthejuan

    Can we start discussing the over/under date for his first post Britney arrest for DUI? I’m taking the under on 08/15/07.

  9. Bioplant

    I’m a big fan of the random capitalization and the absence of proper punctuation –

    Today I’m a Free mom
    Ladle3 look out

    Kevin Federline

    Fuck a Wife
    give mi my Kids

  10. Betty Nuggs

    I am so moved by his plea for his children I am thinking about having my own so I can give them to him.

  11. 1985_binion's_poker_champion

    what about his other kids?

  12. Jenna

    Yes ladies, look out! K-Fed is on the loose and looking for another woman to knock up!

  13. deborahdawn

    What I don’t understand is, why is K-Fed threatening ladles? Does he have a thing against soup or something?

  14. 1985_binion's_poker_champion

    Woman of the world…run…run…run as fast as you can….the world’s biggest loser is on the loose

  15. aliomali

    Deer Kevein, maybee you kan sell this on ebay to pay fur yur attornknee.

  16. Yeah Ladles!!! Look tha FUCK OUT!!

  17. Tits_McGhee

    Maybe next time he should request a piece of paper to write all of this on, instead on vandalizing a door.

    Oh, no wait, he’s not going to use the paper for writing, but for ROLLING DOOBIES!

    He’s going to change his name to Matt Foley and live in a van DOWN BY THE RIVER!

  18. RichPort

    the thing is, soon another girl will be pregnant by him. she’ll possibly be a little hot, maybe even slightly famous. as ugly and retarded as he is, there are girls lining up right now to offer him a 3-hole evening, and they’re not all desperate cows either. that’s the worst thing about this story. he should end up as a george michael public bathroom gay encounter police blotter item, but instead he’ll just get laid a lot. seriously, girls, what’s your fucking problem???

  19. veggi


  20. how about an over/under as to when he hooks up with Parisite? I’m calling 2/14/07.

  21. RichPort

    And by “trolls”…I neant “my split personality”. I should really lay off the refried beans.

    I keep eating those delicious suckers and then I wind up typing things that I don’t even remember posting. But anyways, I’ll be sure to get those CD’s to you guys.

    P.S. I’ll see if I can get you a Coke. I might have to pull a trick or two to get that. Coke is hard to come by these days. I quit the stuff months ago.

    Oh, you meant Coca-Cola? Whoops. I just spilled the beans there. Sorry for that.

    I’ll get that “soda” to you in a jiffy.

  22. Pagan Queen

    Kev “The Vein” Fedderwhine is not free…just ask Britt how much this slimeball cost her.

    Rich – dang, I was going to ask for a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 to go with the CD, I would need it to kill the pain of even touching one!

    LOL papa

  23. RichPort

    #70 – That actually wasn’t that bad. In fact, if you had posted that under your own name, people may have responded favorably. The fact that they know it’s not me just gets you the deafening sound of silence. Idiot.

  24. PrettyBaby

    “fuck a wife” Yeah K-fag,there will be a wife getting fucked good now, YOURS.

  25. veggi

    Gross 73! what could they possibly give to eachother? They already have it all. And by having it all, I mean, well, you know what I mean.

  26. RichPort

    Did I say “neant”? Hehehehe. Man, those beans…those beans.

  27. PrettyBaby

    #76 Yes, Richport, I just commented on that very thing under the Naomi thread

  28. Kg

    Obviously those are the lyrics for his new single…

    “I mean there’s class, and then there’s class. And then there’s this guy, who has so much class he makes the Monopoly man look like a hobo.”

    Haha classic…

  29. What can I say about him that hasn’t all ready been said about Afghanistan?

    BTW, I am thinking of writing him a check for $50,000,000.00 for the sex tape. I bet he wouldn’t think twice about clearing it, first. Not that I couldn’t cover 50 mil or nothing.

  30. ER

    Nevermind Parasite Hilton, next post will be of KFed and Ryan Phillippe running off to Jamaica together to smoke pot and ‘make love’ on the beach all day.

  31. Okay Mr Fish.

    This post is spent.


  32. Anonymous

    no it’s a new policy, 10% of all comments at all times must be “RichPort” ask the fish he’ll tell you

  33. RichPort

    My bunghole is a little itchy today, PrettyBaby could you move your nose around a little bit? Thanks.

  34. Comeon Superfish, first you misspell Mel Gibson in the Naomi Campbell story, and then Kevin Federline?

    Drink a little too much last night?

  35. deborah

    I’m not a wealthy person — but I say that if we all pitched in a dollar – yes a single dollar — we could afford to buy Kevin the vasectomy that he wants and deserves. The money that you would spend in a single day on a cup off coffee could actually prevent Kevin from ever having the opportunity to reproduce again – isn’t that worth the sacrifice? Here (reaching into pocket), here…here’s my dollar. Anyone else??

  36. RichPort

    #86. Who are you? I didn’t know that I had a twin running around here.

    My butt is pretty itchy though. Wierd.

  37. Looks like it says “Ladles look out” — maybe Kevin is considering a career in the culinary arts?

  38. sexybitch

    Hell, I’ve got a nifty pair of shears here left over from sheep neutering, won’t cost more than 50 cents, and it’ll do the job right.

  39. 86

    It always amuses me to hear a man refer to kids as ‘his’.

  40. RichPort

    sexybitch, you remind me of something quite familiar….oh! here it is:

  41. beifiori

    won’t k-fag be disappointed when he discovers the only ladies who are interested in the fact that he is now a free man wear burquas, and they are trying to cross the pakastani border, and their ullalalalalas are bass.

  42. deborah

    #91 – Hey Sexybitch – you’ve got the shears – I’ve got the rubber gloves – let’s get med-evil on his wigger-ass! WeeeHA! That’s how we do it in Texas! (Actually we use a large device that looks like a pair of pliers and a large black rubber band – in about a week they’ll just fall off!) Sweet!

  43. biatcho

    I’ve only been able to read through all of these comments but strangely, not ONE person has pointed out that the refers to ladies as ladles. you guys are really slow today.

    laldes, man, that’s hilarious.

  44. DancingQueen

    I like the vasectomy idea, but he’s the kind of ahole that would NEVER get that operation. I’m sure he’s so ignorant he thinks it will make him less of a “man.” GAG. As if he could be less of a man.

  45. twzzlrgirl

    #88 — I’ll give five dollars. Wait…wait. I have a better idea. Just give me some scissors and I’ll give this bastard a vasectomy myself. What an ass.
    And, really, K-fed…blackmail and writing stupidity on walls always works when trying to win custody of your kids. The judge will be SO impressed.
    The next woman who lets this asshole touch her should be institutionalized as a lunatic.

  46. sexybitch

    Never ceases to amaze that trolls are so hard up for attention that they’ll take any kind at all, no matter how negative. Pretty pathetic and sad when being that’s the best you can hope for.

    In other news, OJ’s going on TV telling everyone that IF he did the murders, this is how he’d do it. Another one who just can’t stand being ignored.

    One could say he needs to get a life, but he already took two.

  47. sexybitch

    A week takes too long – he could breed again in that space of time! But we could sell the elastic to Nicole Richie as a lap band.

  48. serial snarkalec

    If I was a lady I would definitely look out. I would look out for his super sonic sperm flying through the air in case it landed on my arm. Cause then it would enter a tiny pore and zoom at warp speed to my uterus. Then I would be instantly pregnant with a fat little baby who would come out wearing a sideways baseball cap and no britches. But I’m not so I don’t have to worry about it. I can just sit back and laugh at the situation that stupid trailer park bimbo has gotten herself into. Like she didn’t know he was shower door scum when she met him? WE all did!

Leave A Comment