Kevein Federline writes mean stuff on doors

November 15th, 2006 // 159 Comments

The day after Britney Spears filed for divorce, the always ridiculous Kevin Federline used a Sharpie to write a message on the shower door of his dressing room at the House of Blues in Chicago where he performed, saying:

Today I’m a free man
Ladies look out
Fuck a wife
Give me my kids Bitch!

I mean there’s class, and then there’s class. And then there’s this guy, who has so much class he makes the Monopoly man look like a hobo. God forbid K-Fed ever gets a tuxedo, because the world isn’t ready for a man so classy grape juice would actually transform itself into wine for him.

NOTE: This clown has the handwriting of a kindergartner. It’s a wonder he even managed to spell words instead of just drawing a bunch of stars and smiley faces.


  1. “fuck a wife”? is that supposed to mean something?

  2. Bioplant

    Kevin, buddy, easy up on the sauce.

  3. Bioplant

    2 – Note to self: Witty rejoinders are much funnier if one uses the correct words.

    -easy, +ease

  4. slantingthroughdarkness

    Isn’t that cute? He’s practicing his writing.

    Literacy is at last within his grasp.

  5. frenchtoaststix

    It looks like “ladles look out.” Perhaps Bioplant is right; he’s on the sauce. I have a spatula that I could whack him upside the head with.

    Jackass makes his “S” look like a 3; wheer did he goe to skewl?

  6. cardio

    Did he write that left-handed, with both eyes closed, while looking in a mirror? And why would ladles care he’s free?

  7. frenchtoaststix

    And, again, where is this fucktard’s plea for his first two kids? He could not dump those on Shar Jackson fast enough. He needs to be neutered.

  8. cardio

    And yes, I know it’s hard to look into a mirror with both eyes closed. But that’s what his scribbles look like.

  9. ER

    Hookt on fonix wurked fur him!

  10. Get him for destruction of property and have the baliff whack his pee-pee!

  11. justme

    Wiggers are pathetic..

  12. IFuckingHateYou

    If there is a god, Tool-Fed will kill himself within the week.

  13. Stuey75

    ohhhhhh so this is whay a spiral downwards looks like. hmmm

    well he wont have far to go since he never got that high to begin with.

  14. @The SuperFish – Only one “E” in Kevin.

  15. Binky

    Well it looks like ‘Sharpie’ ™ has its new pitchman

  16. particle)man


  17. Stuey75

    oh oh, and ummmmm who did he think would see this? like the maid?? only thing that woula been better is a phone #

  18. *DanIelle*

    Why would anyone give this dumbass kids when he obviously is one himself. This bug needs to be squashed with a quickness.

  19. happy hands club

    Now all of a sudden he wants his kids. He sounds like the typical deadbeat dad that will fight for custody of the kids just so he doesn’t have to pay for child support. Not that he would have to pay in this case but just to be an asshole because he can. The next thing will be that he will want a paternity test done.

  20. That divorce isn’t going to be messy.

  21. Why would he be drinking grape juice? If he were a true blonkie he would be drinking grape DRINK, not juice. Everyone knows that……..

  22. pinky_nip

    Boy, if that doesn’t get him custody, NOTHIN’ will!!

  23. sexybitch

    He showers?

  24. pinky_nip

    And he would turn the grape drink into Hypnotiq, not wine…

  25. TajAmazon

    He should hook up with Heather Mills

  26. danielle

    His 15 minutes of fame were up when he first opened his mouth. Why is this dirtbag in the news again?

  27. He doesn’t know English. This has to be a joke

  28. sexybitch

    Kevin, I hear Naomi is hiring…

  29. RichPort

    His handwriting is quite sexy…if I do say so myself.

  30. RichPort

    Yea, real convincing considering it was just him and his non-Evian in the dressing room. And what the fuck does “Ladles look out” mean? Is he about to scoop up some acid? What the fucking fuck???

    #10 – Nice Cheech and Chong reference… that has to be from like 30 years ago…

    “I plead insanity”
    “I was just crazy about that girl…”

  31. MandyAnne

    He wants the kids so that he can get support from brit…obviously she doesn’t need his money to raise the boys.
    I also read somewhere. Shar doesn’t have brit’s money, so of course he doesn’t want custody of the first two. He wouldn’t get enough support from her to support his partying lifestyle.
    he knows the only way he’s going to get anything out of her is to get the boys, everything i’ve read/heard about the prenup suggests that he’s only going to get about 300,000 and he has to return his fancy car….i’m sure he was advised by his lawyer that if he got the kids he could get a bucket load of money in support from her, as i’m sure he’s been advised that there is no way around the prenup he signed….without money from brit he’s back in the poor house…which is what the taletless loser deserves.

  32. RichPort

    I posted twice in the same fucking minute? I really am talented.

  33. wedgeone

    PEOPLE!! You have it all wrong!! Look at what he wrote:
    “Today I’m a free man. LADLES look out”

    What this means is that now he is free to start volunteering his time at the local soup kitchens helping the homeless. That’s how wonderful of a man he really is.

    BTW – NOT!!!
    P.S. Did he sign his name “Kevin” or “Kim”?

  34. HughJorganthethird

    I thought this guy was a rap god. this shit doesn’t even rhyme.

    It is fire though.

  35. happy hands club

    It says, “Ladle 3 look out”

  36. @32 – -I’d say talentedly retarded Rich! :)

  37. sexybitch

    “Fuck”? “Bitch”? Is this the same sweet man who used Pooh checks in his financial transactions, even if he did bounce a few due to a lack of math skills? Obviously Britney’s been a terrible influence on this much maligned man.

  38. RichPort

    I love Kevin. I bought all 6,500 copies of his CD. It’s actually…pretty good. Does anyone need a copy? I’m selling them for 1/2 the price. I’ll include a 24oz. Pepsi with your order. Anyone?

  39. ER

    He’s going to need a good job so he can pay for the therapy Shar’s kids are going to need when they learn that their dad wanted his other children, but not them! Oh the drama!

  40. jrzmommy

    did he request the Sharpie on his list of things he wanted in his dressing room? If my kids say, Mommy, can we have the makers? I always make sure I give them the washable ones just in case someone is tempted to write on the walls.

    Now, imagine if he does get custody of those boys? That entire house will be covered in scribbles.

  41. @41 covered in scribbles? You do know these are Federlines children, right? They won’t figure out how to get the cap off the sharpie until the age of eighteen, and that’s if they’re lucky………..

  42. Mya

    Let’s not be mean to kindergarten kids here.

  43. Looks like a twelve year old wrote that.

  44. DancingQueen

    Rich, I’ll take a copy, but only if you throw in a pack of Marlboros.

  45. laikiska

    OK, so now he has changed his name to Kim, he is telling ladle 3 to look out… I reckon he needs to be institutionalised – ladle 3 needs protection!

  46. laikiska

    Rich – if you offered Coke instead of Pepsi I might consider…

  47. RichPort

    #46 & #48 – Sorry, you’ll have to ask my troll for those… Earl could be on fire and I wouldn’t piss on him to turn it out.

  48. @43 – PapaHotNuts has too much free time on his hands! LOL dude!

  49. Brand spankin’ new post over at Angry Ferrets!!

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