Ke$ha Eyeball Raped Johnny Depp, That’s The Only Way To Read This

April 3rd, 2013 // 29 Comments

Apparently Ke$ha and Johnny Depp shared a tender moment at a recent benefit concert for Superstorm Sandy. And by tender moment I mean she thought they were fucking inside each others’ eyeballs while he kept silently wondering if he was seeing frog people again. Via tooFab:

“Me and Johnny Depp had eyeball sex at the benefit concert for Superstorm Sandy in Los Angeles. We never really talked – we just had eyeball sex.”

In related news, Johnny Depp wears double eye-patches now. Although in fairness, that could have absolutely nothing to do with this. The guy’s more accessory than man now, twisted and quadruple scarf-ful…

Photos: Getty, INFdaily, Splash News


  1. Schweddy Snatch

    Does this mean contact lenses are condoms for eyeballs?

  2. I’d like to think Johnny Depp has more sense than to make direct eye contact with this one.

  3. dude

    Translation: Johnny Depp wouldn’t even say one word to Kesha.

  4. Ben Dover

    Ke$ha look$ like $hit

  5. Tinted glasses, hat with a wide brim … dude knew it was coming.

  6. Chlamydial and gonnococcal conjunctivitis are sexual transmitted ocular diseases. They often present as a hyperacute red eye and patients may complain of a foreign body sensation in the eye. This is usually accompanied by a mucupurulent and stringy discharge that may “glue” the eye shut. Oral tetracycline, 250-500mg q.i.d. for three weeks is the classic treatment, although I’d throw a one-shot gram of azithromycin at it and see what happens.

  7. Cock Dr

    In other words she stared at him all night but he never came over.
    Depp knew she would steal his seed & all his accessories if given half a chance.

  8. That’s definitely Ke$ha but why are you showing her with the guy from the Skynyrd tribute band? I thought this post was about Johnny Depp.

  9. Tiggles

    Kesha continued, “Yah, I had eyeball sex at the hurricane benefit, and later that day I rubbed my cooch under my clothes during a prayer meeting for school shooting victims. Going to have a vibrator shoved up my cooter when I visit a hospice next Tuesday.”

  10. There’s a joke in there somewhere about an eyepatch condom, but thinking about Ke$ha trying to be sexy is making me ill and I just want to move on.

  11. Bob

    I see John Mayer threw the disguise on again to go trolling for hoodrats.

    • John Mayer on his worst day could still do better than Kesha… That’s right, not gonna spell it “Ke$ha” like she would have us do…


  12. I didn’t know eyeball sex was a thing, but apparently I’ve had eyeball sex with a guitar player in a band, does that make me a groupie

  13. Skippy86

    Dream all you want, this guy can bang hot 17 year old cheerleaders

  14. Alexxx3488

    Katy Perry and John Mayer in 10 years.

  15. Interred Ferguson

    Does the Hollywood Wax Museum have a Johnny Depp display?…’cause I’m convinced that’s where this pic was taken…pretty sure the real Dump….er, Depp’s handlers wouldn’t have let that thing get within infectious range.

  16. kery

    She looks different , she looks older ;D

  17. Maybe the ghost was fondling her while she stared at Depp and she misunderstood it.

  18. judgingyou

    So Kedollarsignha traumatized Johnny Depp and he wouldn’t speak to her because of it. Poor Depp, he never saw it coming.

  19. “DUURRR! Get a picture of me with Russell Brand!”

  20. Cpm

    Wasn’t ‘Super Storm” Sandy like 6 months ago? Johnny is trying too hard. Hipster Doofus.

  21. skunk


  22. kirby

    Bram Stoker Called: Gary Oldman wants his outfit back.

  23. Elizlairmore

    Who hasn’t felt Johnny Depp has had eye sex with them. She is just now joining the others who have thought the same thing. Good luck girl you are in for the no ride.

  24. Ke$ha Cleavage Pure Nightclub Anniversary Party
    Commented on this photo:

    Ke$ha’s style is awesome

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