Welcome To 18, Kendall, Hope You Like Porn

November 4th, 2013 // 44 Comments
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Kendall Jenner turned 18 yesterday, and in honor of her family’s rich heritage, several pornographic studios have offered to pay her several million dollars to have sex in front of a camera so people on the Internet can masturbate to it and possibly even purchase her after said masturbation, as is tradition. TMZ reports:

At least SIX COMPANIES are hoping they can convince her to get it on in front of the camera.
One of the companies — Bangyoulater.com — is saying it wants to pay K.J. and a partner of her choosing $1.8 MILLION to bump uglies.
Other interested parties include Brazzers, Babes and Digital Playground … the latter offering the option of a girl-girl encounter with porn star Jesse Jane.

Factoring in my wealth tumor of knowledge on Kris Jenner, I’ve come up with a complex equation of determining if and which particular deals she’ll eventually force Kendall to take through threats of financial embargo and/or gunshot wounds. Keep in mind, I’m something of a scholar on this subject, so this may get technical.

Here goes:

ALL OF THEM. IT’S ALL OF THEM.

Photos: Getty, Splash News

superficial

  1. We can only hope that she’ll follow the footsteps of her big sis and a sex tape will appears anytime soon :)

  2. Pretty insulting to offer her a sex tape deal..considering she is only one of two in that family that actually has been working and isn’t getting famous just because her sister slept with someone on tape.

    • JC

      Not sure I follow–I can’t think of any reason we would have heard of this chicklet if it weren’t for her sister getting pissed on.

    • Hey George, Watch Out!

      The only reason she models is her link to the ‘Tardashian family. Sure, she has a decent body, but her face is only slightly above average. She never would have been “discovered” if it wasn’t for that show. Hell, Ireland Baldwin is hotter than she is, and even her photos would probably end up in a modeling agent’s trash bin if it wasn’t for her famous parents.

      • Guest

        You don’t know that. Just because someone comes from a famous family doesn’t mean they’ll be a model and just because someone is a model and is from a famous family doesn’t mean that is the only reason why they were signed or are modeling. Even if they get a contract, it’s hard for them to keep it if they don’t do a good job. A lot of models aren’t great looking, in fact they are weird looking. I look at portfolios all of the time and a lot of the models aren’t as pretty as girls I see at the mall. The fashion people have their own criteria for picking models and a lot of models they pick are not what most people would pick.

      • Is Zimmerman Writing This Crap?

        Peaches Geldoff. I rest my case.

      • Each to their own…she is way hot

  3. Kendall Jenner Legs Leather Miniskirt Khloe Kardashian Kylie Jenner iHeartRadio Music Festival
    Bonky
    Commented on this photo:

    Look at them up there like fucking rock stars. This planet needs a big fucking comet to hit it.

  4. I’d very much like to piss on her.

  5. Robb7

    This little tramp-in-training will need a tune-up before any deal can be sealed. Specifically, a pair of bolt-ons — nothing too big or flashy and some fat from anyone of those lard ass sisters to plump up that rather sad looking ass of hers. Then mama can make some serious cash!

  6. Girl-girl fisting with an asian. I’m calling it.

  7. bob

    Come on Digital Playground, I would hope you could spring for a better pornstar than Jesse Jane. She’s like so 2004. If it’s girl-girl, get someone like Tori Black, Stoya or Riley Steele…now I’d pay to see that.

  8. I refuse to watch any tape unless McFeely posts a review.

  9. schmidtler

    She won’t go for a straight up legitimate porn deal, that would require some honesty from her that she’s willing to degrade herself for money. My bet is she’ll have a ‘private’ sex tape ‘leaked’ and then try and pass herself off as an unwitting ‘victim’. Either way, she’s decent looking enough I’ll be sure to download it free someplace.

    • That “unwitting victim” routine is so played out, but I guess there’s really no other route to take without straight-up admitting you’re a whore.

      • Farrah Abraham set the bar really high with her sex tape, so she’ll have to go pretty far to keep up. Farrah did ass to mouth and squirting, Kendall needs to do a gangbang with squirting.

      • bagmotherfucker

        When did the squirting happen in that video?. I only watched that bit of anal that mcfeely recommended.

      • When James had her pinned on the wall in the standing missionary position. Watch the whole video, on mute if you have to, it’s pretty good.

  10. Josephus

    I forget which one of the two is the hot one. At least now when I’m doing my “research,” I only have a 50% chance of going to prison.

  11. ThisWillHurt

    When I turned 18, I would have loved for someone to offer me a million dollars to have sex with an overqualified woman. I had to admit it, but Kris Jenner gives the best gifts.

  12. RayJ

    Kendell,
    I have a hot, golden stream of love just waiting for you and the camera. Call me, we can make this happen.

  13. anonym

    goddamn Kris Jenner’s genes are strong.

    Her face is in every fuckin daughter

  14. Kendall Jenner Legs Leather Miniskirt Miley Cyrus Nipple Pasties Khloe Kardashian Kourtney Kardashian Kylie Jenner iHeartRadio Music Festival
    You Suck
    Commented on this photo:

    This pic pretty much sums up how pathetic and sad the world is.

  15. Kendall Jenner Legs Leather Miniskirt Kylie Jenner iHeartRadio Music Festival
    Matt
    Commented on this photo:

    nailed her outfit, she looks great.

  16. Kendall Jenner Legs Leather Miniskirt iHeartRadio Music Festival
    Freebie
    Commented on this photo:

    She is so much prettier than any of her sisters. I hope she doesn’t start messing with her face.

  17. Kendall Jenner Legs Leather Miniskirt Khloe Kardashian Kourtney Kardashian Kylie Jenner iHeartRadio Music Festival
    Muah
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow, just that little midget came from Robert Kardashian, the other 3 are amazon’s! Robert must have been short!

  18. Kendall Jenner Legs Leather Miniskirt Miley Cyrus Nipple Pasties Khloe Kardashian Kourtney Kardashian Kylie Jenner iHeartRadio Music Festival
    Fred
    Commented on this photo:

    Collective IQ 5, Collective net worth millions of $.

  19. Kendall Jenner Legs Leather Miniskirt iHeartRadio Music Festival
    Schadenfreude
    Commented on this photo:

    Hi Kendall, let me introduce you to your biggest “fan”.

  20. Kendall Jenner Legs Leather Miniskirt Miley Cyrus Nipple Pasties Khloe Kardashian Kourtney Kardashian Kylie Jenner iHeartRadio Music Festival
    Schadenfreude
    Commented on this photo:

    Another sign the apocalypse is on the way is when a Kardashian is not the sluttiest person in any photograph.

  21. Kendall Jenner Legs Leather Miniskirt Miley Cyrus Nipple Pasties Khloe Kardashian Kourtney Kardashian Kylie Jenner iHeartRadio Music Festival
    Gwen
    Commented on this photo:

    God help us if this collective group of trashy sluts is what young girls admire. Trash, trash, trash.

  22. Kendall Jenner Legs Leather Miniskirt Khloe Kardashian Kourtney Kardashian Kylie Jenner iHeartRadio Music Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    Kendall’s style looks so chic and effortless! gorgeous

  23. Kendall Jenner Legs Leather Miniskirt iHeartRadio Music Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    It pisses me off that she has such a beautiful face, that she’s from a family fecund with harpy cocksuckers, and that I’m too old to even think about getting some of that.

  24. Kendall Jenner Legs Leather Miniskirt Khloe Kardashian Kylie Jenner iHeartRadio Music Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    “Ladies and gentlemen, the lady in the middle here is our big sister, Khloe. And when we say BIG we really mean fucking HUGE. Tremendously LARGE and ridiculously MONSTROUS sister.”

  25. Kendall Jenner Legs Leather Miniskirt Khloe Kardashian Kourtney Kardashian Kylie Jenner iHeartRadio Music Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    Hmmmm…from the front Khloe looks pretty damn good in this picture.

  26. Kendall Jenner Legs Leather Miniskirt Khloe Kardashian iHeartRadio Music Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    It has just dawned on me that Khloe Kardashian looks a bit like Elvis Presley. That changes everything. Now I’d fuck her.

  27. Kendall Jenner Legs Leather Miniskirt Khloe Kardashian Kourtney Kardashian Kylie Jenner iHeartRadio Music Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    A. Robert Kardashian was on the short side (5’5″).
    B. The two bookends were fathered by Bruce Jenner (6’2″).
    C. If you don’t know shit from a good grade of butter, what is it that you put on your toast for breakfast?

  28. Kendall Jenner Legs Leather Miniskirt Khloe Kardashian Kourtney Kardashian Kylie Jenner iHeartRadio Music Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    Check out Kylie’s legs compared to Kendall’s. Kylie seems to be filling out nicely…

  29. Kendall Jenner Legs Leather Miniskirt Khloe Kardashian Kourtney Kardashian Kylie Jenner iHeartRadio Music Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    Kendall has the prettiest face of the whole gang.

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