Ken Paves is like a ninja

February 22nd, 2010 // 40 Comments

Ken Paves must’ve felt proud of himself when he “accidentally” got a handful of Jessica Simpson boob while leaving her dad’s birthday dinner this weekend. Except he shouldn’t get too cocky considering pretending to be gay around Jessica Simpson really isn’t that diabolical of a scheme. To put in things in perspective, I could tell her I’m a breast-fueled robot from space sent to protect Earth’s baby back ribs supply and she’d have her shirt off in five seconds before farting and asking why no one wants to marry her.


  1. sam

    lucky son of a bitch



  3. Keith

    Still fat, still short, still stumpy, still has a man chin.

  4. That is one fast hand he got there! Quite lucky that Jessica Simpson didn’t slapped him hard on the face in that moment.

  5. Bosco

    That dude is touching sexual napalm………

  6. whatever

    Still mildly retarded.

  7. papaROUGHzzi

    No one wont marry you because you haven’t learn anything from your past relationships…Grow the eff up!

  8. havoc

    I would play with those blue, veiny funbags 24/7…..


  9. Janne

    That hand is not gay. Even the look on he’s face is like -yeah biatch, score!

  10. barry

    holy shit i did this same thing! only it was my penis and i was at home alone and nobody was taking pictures

  11. toothepoint

    Release them… fuck.. for the love of all that’s holy!

  12. oermens

    i guess he figured it wasn’t a big deal after seeing joe simpson do it repeatedly while having dinner.

  13. arealcad

    I wonder, when he honked those puppies, if they made that “ah-ooooga” sound.

  14. johnny jism

    what I wouldn’t give to squeeze those orbs-’o-delight, as I cram my love-sauce-erupting-man-junk-a’twixt’em!

  15. tc

    Pretending to be gay, then claiming ‘you cured me – I love you’ is one of the oldest, saddest, and cuntiest tricks since it became legal to be a bummer.

    You would have to be a total retard to fall for it…. Wait…..

  16. Ego

    Dude looks like a rapist. Guys beware =x

  17. kramer

    Still would fuck her brains out.

  18. lol i know some dudes who pretend to be gay just to hook up, so lame!

  19. Jenny

    Joe Simpson: “Hurry up and feel them ’cause I’m next! It’s my birthday after all!”

  20. Calling her ‘sexual nepalm’ is just John Meyer’s sophmoric attempt to get a dig in at Aniston. Jessica isn’t sexy. She’s not one of those cArAzY sexual bitches that men love forever and to this day send gifts in the mail. They never forget & pine after the true sexual freak. Loved my boyfriend’s face as the UPS truck showed up a bunch of times this past holiday from ex-lovers of years ago. Jessica ain’t got that freaky sexual kink going on. I can tell. Then again, either her or Jennifer Aniston can’t offfer up the fine gene and they know it. The reason why everyone leaves them.

  21. Jeff

    what the fuck happened to this broad?! EWWWWWWWW

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  26. captain america

    psssssssssssst: HE KNOWS WHERE HER DOGGIE IS?

  27. Stylist Ken Paves, had his face bloodied during a paparazzi crush outside of an L.A. restaurant. There were so many cameras swarming that some guy accidentally hit Ken near his eye with a camera. Jess and Ken made it to the car, and went directly to the hospital.

  28. Anonymous

    Don’t have to be a ninja to grab her boobs just rich and white.

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