Kelly Brook in a bikini! And, oh yeah, something about Billy Zane, I dunno

May 20th, 2008 // 48 Comments

Kelly Brook has reunited with Billy Zane after dumping him then getting super jealous when he started dating someone else. True story, according to News of the World:

They kept the break-up secret for two months and remained friends, with Billy even telling her about his new love. Gradually, she realised she wanted him back and set about wooing him over a series of long-distance phone calls to South Africa, where Billy has been filming new movie Surviving Evil.
Pals are shocked by her decision though. The source added: “Kelly could have any man in the world. She’s panicked but we feel she should have moved on. It’s clear he had.”

Okay, first, yes, I incorrectly reported that Billy dumped Kelly. Why I would think a man of that baldness would dump a girl of such boobness is beyond me. I blame the drink. Anyway, can you imagine being wooed by Kelly Brook? The girl thinks sex is an aerobic activity. What does she do for wooing? I bet it’s something really awesome. Like baking cookies or taking pictures of herself playing Mario Kart naked. Holy shit, hottest sentence I’ve ever written! This one’s going on the fridge….


  1. slice


  2. She is looking hot, finally something to help my eyes after the Amy Crackhouse pics!

    oh, #1 – you are a douche

  3. havoc

    You mean Billy Zane, possibly the greatest actor of our generation?

    That Billy Zane?



  4. stizz

    I’m just waiting for some dumbass to post that she’s fat.

  5. ph7

    Nice, but very close to being too old to care about. She got maybe 2-3 years of hotness left, then she enters the trying-too-hard to bee hot phase, and then the creepy-desperate phase (currently occupied by most single women over 38)

  6. jesse


    Thank you


    She may be close to being too old to care about, but she has a long way before she’s too old to be hot. She has a lot of Cindy Crawford-like features that I believe will carry on for many years to come. Not to mention that incredibly sweet rack.

  7. 1 MILF Hunter

    She’s too hot for a douche bag like him.

  8. Ted from LA

    My weiner gives her one thumbs up.

  9. BunnyButt

    Yeah, most girls can’t handle it when their exes go for their moms.

  10. Jackson

    She has great curves unlike Kim Kardaskanks induced fat curves and implants.

  11. bigAl

    She is hot!! Ph7 must like looking at Miley Cyrus and girls of the age of 14 and below…way to go Pedo-boy.

  12. Insatiable Peter

    I’d throw it in her butt.

  13. fake boobs

    She could stand to lose about 15 pounds. Too much fat on the ass

  14. gunther bunky



  15. Randal

    Well, Billy Zane might just break up with her again if the timing is right in his career. It was all love early on but now that he’s climbing the entertainment ladder, Kelly just might find her getting hurt all over again.

    She’ll be back on Survival Island looking for love all over again if she pulls the same stunt with this stud again.

    You’re too good for her Billy but she’s too beautiful for you.


  16. Jay

    Is it so hard to believe a gorgeous woman could be emotionally needy? Who knows? Billy Zane, The Phantom, may be charming company or something.

  17. Protocol Harem

    I saw Billy Zane in a movie and he was boooooooring.

  18. JPRichardson

    Too much fat?????? WTF???? Kelly has the perfect body, period.

  19. fygu

    Hey Jackson do you realize that you’ve become as predictable and irritating as the spammers? All you need is a link to your anti-Kim website. Seriously, why do you care so much about her?? She’s not even a real celebrity. Are you Paris Hilton? Ray J? Whitney Houston? Kim’s ugly sister? Please stop your obsession and get a fucking life. Oh, and STFU!!!!!

  20. janesjunk

    Yeah, like every single woman over 38 is desperate to define the worth of herself by hooking up with some man so that they become”creepy-desperate” There is a word that describes single women over 38:smart.

  21. JT

    judging by her man like face in pic4 im going to have to say butterface

  22. loves boobs

    She’s hawt. There’s an archive pict of her with her great smile. Oh yeah I’d bang her brains out. In a chair , at a fair, in boat , in a moat, with a hat, on a mat….

  23. loves boobs

    She’s hawt. There’s an archive pict of her with her great smile. Oh yeah I’d bang her brains out. In a chair , at a fair, in boat , in a moat, with a hat, on a mat….

  24. Girly look much better in the plain white bikini like Brook.
    I don’t like the “Kill,Kill” Britney bikinis shown a few links back.
    Brook actually look fairly good here. Must be the bikini.


  26. HuckyDucky

    loves boobs, that’s hilarious. I just read GE & H like an hour and a half ago.

    This chick is fucking SUPER.

    Jackson, I actually look forward to your gypsy-bashing. Keep on keepin’ on!

    And word up to my man Ted from LA.

  27. KITTY!

    …Oh, wait…I can’t count every single rib and her hip-bones aren’t protruding, so that must mean she’s fat, riiiight!

    LMFAO @ 23 porn version of Dr. Seuss.

  28. Ted from LA

    Hola HuckyDucky. I agree. I have no idea who this woman is but I have three words to say about her… yummy yummy yummy.

  29. Republicans prefer men

    Hey Huck, you should move to Turkey or Armenia and try to do some Gypsy bashing with your own delicate little hands, sweet thang! C’mon right wing drone, show us what a tough man you are. Back your agression up with some violence! I know if YOU were in Iraq or Afgahnistan or Hell heroes like you are ready for Iran and Venezuela and Russia and Germany oh man oh man you are so universally macho! You do also believe in Jesus right? He likes Republican minutemen (your sex life WITH Viagra)!
    No offense.

  30. So I quick look at # 26′s link and it remind me of time I took stairs down Block A here at ChungKing Mansions. Walked a bit quicker – then bailed at 12th floor.
    Cliff Notes : Look Knee – I checked out YOUR link up at your name there – and I think you should have told this ‘Kelly’ woman on the stairs that 9/11 was an inside job. You’re supposed to be the Inquisition here. And what’s with this misogynistic Barbie reference ?
    Knee Ya Ha Ha : Notes – you asshole. I always take elevator. This vid is for tourists.

  31. snarky

    you know what? if you saw her out in public, she would just be another pretty face in the crowd, an average sort of brunette beauty. But Billy Zane in his prime used to smoking hot! (…yeh, not so much anymore)

  32. unableunwilling



  33. kitty dog bear

    Another dumb whore. Lets all clap.

  34. Hats Off for Billy Zane

    Jessica Alba had to get knocked up to get Cash to commit.
    Alessandra Ambrosia got knocked up and the guy still won’t marry her.
    And Billy showed this girl that a bimbo is easily replaceable.

    Total respect for those men who know that bimbos are just for fucking.

  35. Mal Gusto

    No idea who she is, but she is beautiful. great body.

  36. ph245

    she has a really bushy vagina and I would like to do a sex with her

  37. binky

    You’re all turds.

  38. Ted Mosby

    Why Kelly Brook? Why?

  39. Angus

    Hey Kim lovers – this is what curvy is supposed to look like, not something from an Armenian farm.

  40. I don’t give a bunch of HORSESHIT about this billy zane-MORON!!
    Those TITS of her…………..
    I would love to make a FAIRY-TALE about them!!

  41. Mandy


    FU! I have a figure like Kim and I turn a lot of heads. My sister says it is because my girdle makes my butt look strange and freaky like Kim Kardassians girdle butt. I think my sister is jealous!

  42. Inflated Ego


    I definitely turned a lot of heads too when I got chicken pox as an adult. My female friends said that was because I have disgusting black spots all over my skin. All those women must have been jealous!

  43. TM

    She looks hot, but what is that hanging off her right tit? Is it a nipple ring with a charm on it?? Did we just see a nip slip?

  44. g.o.d.


    It’s a little charm hanging from the bikini.

  45. pat

    “True story, according to News of the World:”

  46. Binky

    (It’s a capital B #38)

  47. Michelle

    Now, that’s what I call a real woman !

  48. This is the first time I have heard of her

Leave A Comment