Kelly Brook in a bikini

October 14th, 2008 // 49 Comments

British model/actress Kelly Brook’s new play “Fat Pig” opened last night in London. The production features a scene where Kelly’s character goes to the beach in a bikini and then apparently tries to swallow children in her freakishly large mouth. Why not? That said, I’m not sure about these pictures. On the one hand, you’ve got boobs. On the other, ribcage. Wait, what did I just type after “boobs?” I stopped paying attention when the meadow of cartoon forest creatures that appears whenever I see cleavage opened up behind Kelly and the unicorn started pointing at her breasts. And that, ladies, is the story of why men can never make eye contact. The End. (Also, we hate stories about shoes.)


  1. Richard McBeef

    Love me that ribcage. Nothing sexier than some…. RIBCAGE!

  2. Bigo

    This site should be called The Bikinficial!

  3. Cuntychops

    I bet she’d be a decent fuck.

  4. Cuntychops

    I bet she’d be a decent fuck.

  5. So that tent she call a bikini is part of the play too? Pretty face nice chest but shes not exuding sexuality is she…

  6. tanya

    Quite sucking it in.

  7. Parker

    I’d fuck her in the ass but that’s about it.

  8. sameshitdifferentyear

    Wait a minute, let me get this straight…

    This chubby artificial bloated heifer is in a play called “Fat Pig”?

    What’s next, Britney Spears in a play called “Untalented Ugly Cunt”…???

  9. Ted from LA

    Who says chivalry is dead?

  10. mamadough

    5 words: she is fucking billy zane. this means she has little to no self-respect and self-esteem, so i’m pretty sure dipshits like # 3/4, and 7 would have no problem prodding her brown starfish.

  11. Steve

    Are you kidding me….I’d drag my dick through broken glass just to eat the corn out of her shit. She is hot as hell.

  12. josh

    #5 no shes not. not any more anyway. Besides, he was awesome in titanic.

  13. Vas Deferens

    This chick is super fucking hot. My God.

  14. Deacon Jones

    Is this a self-titled autobiography? Or is that what the b-celebrities call her as her gag reflex kicks in on their cocks?

  15. yawn

    she’s hot and all but better get to the gym her thighs are close to the point of no return.. but very pretty.

  16. Erik

    Flabby, not fat. But clearly she has a date with fat that she intends to keep.

  17. Needledick The Bug Fucker

    I’d do her ….. but then I’d do Anyone-Anywhere-Anytime

  18. Fat Chicks Suck

    She’s sucking that gut in with all of her might. She could definitely afford to lose a few pounds (it would save her from having to constantly suck in her gut – what a hassle!) Also – if a woman’s thighs touch they’re too big. She’s in a play where she wears a bikini! Why wouldn’t she put some effort into toning up her body? She’s not fat but she definitely isn’t in good shape and could look A LOT better.

  19. me

    @18….Um….the play is called “Fat Pig”. I just assume that’s why there wasn’t a whole lot of effort in losing weight. I’m just sayin’. She’s far from fat, anyhow, this is what your average “real” woman looks like, or should look like. Get a clue.

  20. Eehhh, maybe she should just avoid bikinis. It never seems to work out for her. Does she get those things at Goodwill or what? Her physique just doesn’t seem to warrant this much bikini exposure.

  21. JT

    she looked so much better in the other bikini pics where she was wearing a white bikini here she looks like she could tone up a bit i still prefer her body to super skinny kelly ripa or amy winehouse at least she’s got some feminine curves

  22. yawn

    she might look like the average woman alright.. but when your means to earning a living is based on how you look you ought to invest properly in maintenance.. hell even the guy that drives a forklift has to get re-certified periodically.
    as i said she isnt fat but its obvious she isnt working out much.. or if she is it might be time for a new trainer.

  23. OL'RED


    are you kidding

    she is so thin

  24. Deacon Jones

    “Oink! Oink like A PIG YOU FUCKING SLUT!!!”

    - Billy Zane has he furiously rams her head up and down in his lap after doing a line of blow

  25. PunkA

    Kelly Brook is your typical British girl. She has a huge rack. In her case, they are real, while most UK pin-ups buy theirs. Nice stomach and abs, which look great But she has a flat, wide ass and very unathletic legs. I think the women over there think sports or things to give you muscle tone might kill you, because European women typically have no muscle tone, unless they have big bird legs. US women are more fit and athletic. Aussies, too.

  26. Look how wide her mouth is! I bet she could fit two cocks in there at the same time.

  27. Ilearntanewwordboobies

    whoahhh a lot of oompa lompas must live in her impressive cleavage.

  28. Kahlee

    What? I’m British and I go running everyday! And my butt is certainly not flat and wide. Quite the opposite.

  29. They're going to kill us all

    She is not even remotely close to fat. This is how women are supposed to look. The thighs raise a bit of a red flag for the future, but — news flash — we’re all going to get fucking old and DIE. That also raises a red flag for the future. For now she is delectable.

  30. sameshitdifferentyear

    #23 Maybe you’re right, maybe it’s just her proportions are ‘off’ somehow (don’t mind the rack obviously).
    I maintain my stance regarding the BS play.

  31. longcock

    stop suckin in your stomach bitch!

  32. ;)

    wicked hot body. horrible face. and she’s not blonde.

  33. kitty_kat

    @18- “…if a woman’s thighs touch they’re too big…”
    Yeeeeesssss… Because its always that simple. Not everyone who is fit has thin thighs, you know.

  34. Astrid

    I’d hit that. With my car.

  35. hannah

    @18 – you’re an idiot. This chick is not fat. Its the lighting and her pale skin tone you might not be used too. Most chicks have a fake or real tan & when they are photographed they set up in amazing lighting which makes them look incredibly toned & tight. That and airbrushing helps too.

    She isn’t fat at all. Those thighs she has there are called QUADRICEPS you moron and in case you have sex with a real life actual female one day you’ll find that muscle is better than skin & bones or straight out pudge.

  36. Smartass

    #22, C’mon, I’ve never seen Billy Zane drive a forklift, but somebody’s has been chowin’ his hair…on his head…up top…now, is that the new diet?

    Lose Tons, Eat Billy Zane’s hair or

    Gross Out World-Suck In Stomach, Show Ribcage…,

  37. Rattan

    Has any of you dipshits thought that maybe the title of the “play” is ironic (if she is the “fat pig” in question, i don’t know that).

    #25 “European women typically have no muscle tone, unless they have big bird legs. US women are more fit and athletic. Aussies, too.”

    -Ignorant p.o.s. First of all, “Yu-Rop” STILL isn’t a COUNTRY. And oh yeah, those 350lbs elephants in Ohio or whatever are really fit. 64% of Americans are overweight or obese.

  38. spike

    @ Mr. McBeef,

    Yes, her ribcage is jutting out like that because she’s sucking in her stomach like there’s no tomorrow. Nobody’s ribcage sticks out like that unless you’re a 78 pound anorexic. So retarded and vain.

  39. tc

    Right. I’m not happy about these negative comments. You are talking about the woman I *love*. So here’s whats going to happen.

    1. I am going to torture the superficial fish until he/she gives me the IP addresses of the bloggers.
    2. I am going to torture someone at your ISP until I get your home address.
    3. I am going to torture you, until you recant.

    Think you can hide behind a wireless hotspot? Think again. I’ll get your MAC address, then torture the manufacturer until I find out who the retailer is, then torture the retailer …etc. You get the idea.

    Nice comments from now on, or I’ll torture (and fu ck) you.

  40. fish is a hero

    holy macaroni! those are some HUGE motherfucking feet! can she walk on water with those? if not, she can always float on those fake balloons attached to her chest…

  41. gosyco

    Pebbels Flintstone

  42. Kats

    You guys, the character she’s playing isn’t the fat one – she’s the hot, skinny one as a contrast. The comments about her being fat are completely ridiculous.

  43. Uncle Eccoli

    She may be easy on the eyes, but she is a hollow shell of a person. Never before have I heard someone blather on about themselves like she does.

  44. none ya biz

    This girls body is awesome, it looks so healthy and she’s just adorable.

  45. Just_As_It_Is

    This girl is any man’s dream come true. To me, one of the top 10 most beautiful actresses/models in the world. Just talking about her looks.

    @40 – Feet look big to you because you’re used to do midgets only.

  46. Gilmore

    #45.- Right on dude. She’s glorious in the 2nd pic.

  47. Elle Driver

    All you limp dicks calling her “fat” – you would be so lucky to bang a girl remotely as hot as she is. I would totally go gay for her – she’s fucking beautiful.

  48. your probably all ugly men sitting in the computer criticizing all of her faults when in reality you couldnt get anyone half as good as her

  49. I think kelly`s new swimwear range is very good. I always have to buy plain bikinis that dont fit well because i`m a 32f on top and a size 8 bottom so hopefully i`ll be able to buy one, because here in ireland in new look i still have`nt seen them on display, i only saw them on magazines

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