Kelly Ripa: Mark Is Nice To Me After Sex Now

“When I touch my nose, that’s the signal to tell everyone I have a small penis.”

A little over a week ago, Kelly Ripa sent shock waves across the internet by describing how her husband Mark Consuelos acts exactly how every other man in the world does after sex. Which is “Can I have five minutes until I have to repeat the 80,000 hoops I jumped through to get here? Just five minutes. For the love of God.” And despite it being a non-story that we admittedly chased for clicks because we will lick SEO’s boots to keep working in our jam-jams, Kelly brought that shit up again today and revealed that Mark has changed his ways. You see what just happened? We’re right back at the teat. We have no shame. Via Us Weekly:

The TV personality then joked that her husband has since been overcompensating. “Now, he’s oddly attentive,” she explained. “There’s odd conversations, like, ‘Do you want to watch the Real Housewives? What do you want to do? Would you like pizza? Can I get you flowers?'”

Wow, that’s every daytime talk show cliche about a man’s fundamental misunderstanding of a woman’s needs crammed into one shitty anecdote. Especially considering that during the same segment, Mark said this:

“I didn’t refute it because I thought it was the most ridiculous thing I ever heard. … I just wanted to set the record straight that no one can be mean after something if they are unconscious. I sleep.”

So, like I said he passes the fuck out. Either that, or he’s terrified and pretending because the penis button likes to cuddle.

“Oh honey, that was great.”
“Zzzz..”
“Oh, you’re asleep already? Then you won’t mind Little Regis jabbing you in the back.”
*pukes all over pillow*

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Photo: AKM-GSI, Getty