Kelly Osbourne Peed Her Pants Yesterday, Guys!

I thought Kelly Osbourne grew out of her “give me what I want or I’ll piss on your floor” stage, but I guess not because that’s literally what happened when Kelly was told she couldn’t use the bathroom at an NYC Starbucks during last weekend’s Pride parade. So far no witnesses have confirmed the altercation, all we have is Kelly’s tweet that paints a Dickensonian image of Kelly Osbourne berating a $9/hour barista about a bathroom that doesn’t exist… Oh, did I mention this particular Starbucks in Chelsea doesn’t actually have a bathroom?

I know what you’re thinking and I had the same exact reaction as well, “DAMN!! OSBO, B-ING THE XCORE BIDDY SHE IS N’ JUST BLA$$TED THOSE B-HOLES WIT DA TWEET, BRA!!” but it’s not quite that simple, really…

Kelly Osbourne is actually calling out the lack of humanity in the corporate machine here, guys. She’s recently achieved ‘woke-status’ on the concept of singularity and is fighting tooth and nail against the oppressive, bathroom-privilege-revoking megacorporations that keep trying to put Kelly down. Stay woke, Kelly. Pee on. *closed fist emoji*