Kelly Brook’s Banging Jeremy Piven? I WILL BLOT OUT THE SUN!!!

Welcome to the most depressing post you’ll ever see on this site, and it’s literally taking all my willpower not to slam my laptop shut and hang myself in the garage because this life is a big ol’ cock slapping you in the face. Just slapping you until you think you can’t take anymore, pausing for a minute, asking if you’re okay, and then slapping you again. If you’re in high school or college reading this, just give up. There’s no future for you. There’s no future for anybody. There’s only a constant stream of douches douching their way into giant titties because God himself is a douche. “I made you in my own image,” I believe were his exact words before fashioning Adam a pork pie hat out of Eve’s logic center. “Eh, she won’t need it.”