Keanu Reeves on trial, somehow not for his acting

October 28th, 2008 // 30 Comments

Shocker–Keanu Reeves is not the best of drivers, and now he’s being sued for it. I know, I know; it sounds impossible, but as E! Online reports:

A vengeful paparazzo has put The Devil’s Advocate star on the hot seat.
Keanu Reeves took the stand at his civil trial today and denied dinging a photographer with his car as he was trying to evade flashbulbs back in March 2007, allegedly leaving the photog with debilitating injuries.
Using his hands to illustrate the scene, the 44-year-old star testified that he inched his black 1996 Porsche 911 Cabrio forward slowly to prod the paparazzo in question, Alison Silva, to put down his camera and move away from the vehicle.
“Did you hit him?” Reeves was asked by his attorney, Alfred W. Gerisch.
“No,” the actor replied.
Reeves asserted his Porsche never touched Silva, insisting the camera man walked backwards, lost balance and tripped over his own feet.
“Are you sure of that?”
“Yes,” said Reeves, adding that the only contact between his car and the shutterbug was when Silva put his hand on the hood.
Silva sued the Speed star for unspecified damages stemming from “serious injuries” suffered to his left wrist, causing pain and suffering and severely limited his earnings capacity.
In his suit, Silva alleged Reeves was covering his face when he was behind the wheel and acted negligently when he pulled away from the curb.

I’m still not sure how dinging a paparazzo is grounds for a lawsuit instead of cause for a Congressional Medal of Honor, but then there’s a lot about the law I don’t understand. (For instance, driving without pants–when the hell did that become a misdemeanor?) But this should be an entertaining trial, if only for the testimony:

LAWYER: Could you please state your name for the record?
KEANU: …
LAWYER: Let the record show that defendant pointed to an image of himself on a tattered, yellowed newspaper ad for Little Buddha. Now, Mr. Reeves, can you tell the court what happened on the day in question?
KEANU: Can I have a Claritin?
LAWYER: Uh…???
JUDGE: I believe the defendant is asking for a clarification, counsel.
LAWYER: Very well, then. Can you tell me what happened on the day that the complainant alleges that you hit him with your car?
KEANU: Oh. Ummm….blueberries?
LAWYER: *rubs temples* Your honor, I would like to request a recess until defendant is able to properly answer the question.
KEANU: Whoa….

Photos: Zibi/WENN
superficial

  1. finger bang

    FIRST !!!!!!1!!!!!!!!111!!!!3!!2

  2. finger bang

    FIRST !!!!!!1!!!!!!!!111!!!!3!!2

  3. finger bang

    FIRST !!!!!!1!!!!!!!!111!!!!3!!2

  4. finger bang

    FIRST !!!!!!1!!!!!!!!111!!!!3!!2

  5. finger bang

    i liked him in Bill & Ted

    they should re-make them films

  6. La Cuckaracha!

    papparazzi are like maggots. Nasty filthy shiteating maggots. Next time call ahead to your local pest exterminator for best results.

  7. There is sperm on his left ear, folks!!

  8. restingonlaurels

    he needs eyelash implants.

  9. billy

    I saw his profile on fitness & celebrity dating club ^^^^^^FitnessKiss. C O M^^ ^^^^ last week. I am wondering what kind of relationship he is looking for on that site.

  10. npv

    He has a bib mouth on the picture. Several days ago, I saw his pictures on a sports community ==mysportsdate.com== It is said he is dating friends there.it’s the real place where hot cougars and milfs hang out with sexy young men!! gonna check it out!!

  11. I MISS KEANU REEVES.

    What happened? Why no recent movies? So handsome, yet so secretive these days…

    Don’t worry Keanu–THERE’S NO WAY YOU’RE AS BAD A DRIVER AS ME:)

  12. meee

    #8 that is the pettiest shit i’ve ever heard.

    keanu reeves is seriously one of the worst actors EVER. even when he’s yelling & in motion his affect is totally flat. ugh.

  13. meee

    #8 that is the pettiest thing i’ve ever heard.

    keanu reeves is seriously one of the worst actors EVER. even when he’s yelling & in motion his affect is totally flat. ugh.

  14. haha ! that’s a funny court report :)

  15. friendlyfires

    You do know this guy is now in his forties, don’t you? He’s practically on AARP and Social Security. What is his secret? Definitely not Tara Reid’s fat sucking surgeon that’s for sue.

    Gnarly.

  16. Keanu is a beautiful young man, I wish he was 69lbs more heavier though. Too skinny for my taste.

  17. Master of The Obvious

    Six years from 50. He’s starting to look it too and not in a good way. Or, maybe he just needs a shave and an eyelash transplant, like #8 said.

  18. 1moreidiotintheworld

    Looks like someone went and plucked a homeless bum out of the gutter….

  19. Eric

    Am I the only one catching the funniest part of this? They refer to him as “The Devil’s Advocate star” and “the Speed star” as if those are his most famous roles. Hello? Anybody ever hear of a little movie called “Something’s Gotta Give” or – uh, duh – Superman!

  20. usweeteey

    WARNING!!!
    I heard rumors from a quite reliable source that he is seeking hot girls
    @___MatchWealthy.C o M___the wealthy and the beauty mingle. Is he looking for a serious relationship or just for fun? who knows!

  21. “The Devil’s Advocate star” why the heck would someone refer to him with that exceptional movie (compared to his “usual” and also more recent “work”)?

  22. Plixtle

    Man, how is it everyone isn’t on the paparazzi gravy train – it’s the life! Our whole culture in the US is now shifted to playing voyeur on “stars” (read: anyone of vague interest post-breast enlargement) and these guys are living the DREAM! Follow various folks about all day, crowd them, stalk them, try to flash photos of them in every moment of their private lives, and get PAID for it! And the kicker: you can legally surround someone’s car and refuse to move and, when they naturally slowly back up anyway, knowing your puny flesh can’t withstand two tons of moving metal, you can sue them for “hitting” you!

    And this is a job. In America.

    This country is pathetic. Seriously.

  23. dew

    I guess everyone that thinks Keanu is a bad actor because he doesn’t over-act probably thinks Morgan Freeman is a bad actor too.

    Flamboyant over-acters: Will Smith, Tom Cruise, Al Pacino, Vin Diesel, ect…

    Brad Pitt can act subtle like Reeves and Freeman, but can also act over-the-top. Pitt seems to have pretty good range.

    I think Clooney’s afflect is much flatter than Keanu. Keanu is subtle, where Clooney is more “whatever”.

  24. cltsig

    -Put him in the Iron Maiden.
    -”Excellent”

    -Execute him.
    -”Bogus”

  25. cltsig

    San Dimas football rules!

  26. Pam

    God you people are dumb. I’m scared for the world with this kind of sh!t. Keanu rules.

  27. “Billy you’re dealing with the oddities of timetravel with the greatest of ease!”

    ” ‘Scuse me, do you know if any persons of historical significance are around here”

    I concur, Keanu rules

  28. Jen

    DUDE.. his girlfriend had a miscarriage and then died in a car crash a few months later… As far as I’m concerned, Keanu Reeves has a hall pass to F$&! with the pap….

  29. Jen

    DUDE.. his girlfriend had a miscarriage and then died in a car crash a few months later… As far as I’m concerned, Keanu Reeves has a hall pass to F$&! with the pap….

  30. ivanos

    DAMN!!! thats a lot of concealer!!! he needs to find a shade that matches his skin tone

Leave A Comment