Keanu Reeves has secret Canadian love-children?

May 29th, 2009 // 84 Comments

A Canadian woman, Karen Sala, has requested a court-ordered DNA sample from Keanu Reeves to prove he’s the father of one, if not four, of her children. Though she admits she’s not sure which ones. Nice. The Toronto Star reports:

With her children, aged 20 to 25, in post-secondary schools, Sala said she could use financial support to help them complete their education.
Sala said her children would like to know the truth about who their father is and she is launching the suit to seek “closure.”
“They grew up with the ex’s family always saying they weren’t his, so they had to contend with that,” she said.
In addition to the DNA test, Sala is seeking child support of $150,000 per month, retroactive to June 1988, as well as $3 million per month in spousal support retroactive to November 2006.
Sala is the first to admit that she’s no angel, claiming that she and Reeves had a sexual relationship before and during her stormy marriage. She also acknowledged she is not sure which, if any, of her children he has sired.
But Sala insisted that Reeves was aware that he might be the father of some or all of her children, noting that at least one of them bears a resemblance to him.

Naturally, Keanu’s people are denying he even knows Karen and find it odd that she’s just now asking for child support when her kids are in their 20s:

Paul Knell, Reeves’ Los Angeles business manager, questioned Sala’s motives, noting that all four children are now adults.
“Before you disparage my client and lend validity to this, there’s clearly something wrong with someone who claims child support after all the kids have grown. I’m just pointing that out,” Knell said.

Of course, everyone knows it’s impossible to sue Keanu Reeves because he’s the father of us all. Seriously, didn’t anyone see those Matrix movies where he’s Jesus at the end? That shit’s a true story. A kid on the bus told me.

Thanks to Adam who has no less than 800 love-children.

Photo: Getty
superficial

  1. yikes

    in that hat, Keanu looks like he’s a secret Canadian hobo.

  2. Karen

    He looks like he has terrible b.o.

  3. Andy

    Those crazy Canadians, with their lawsuits and their boringness.

  4. p0nk

    good luck with that, Sala. And if that falls through, the NBA finals are almost over so you’ll have another good crop of rich celeb man-whores to choose from.

  5. math wizard

    Was he like 14 when he had them? How old is he?

  6. some frustrated right-wingnut

    See??? This is what universal heathcare results in – AND OBAMA WANTS TO FORCE IT ON US!!! UGH!!! UGH!!! STOP HIM!!! STOP HIM!!! I’M HAVING ANOTHER CONNIPTION!!!

  7. Ted "Theodore" Logan

    NO WAY!!

  8. Ted "Theodore" Logan

    NO WAY!!!

  9. @ #3.

    Hey Andy, I’m Canadian. How about one of us “crazy Canadians” fist fuck your face. Would you find that boring?

  10. Andy

    Oh look, I got one of the pasty white fatsos all worked up…

  11. See what you look like when you rely on socialized medicine?

  12. duh

    He lives in L.A. and New York, so he only has access to the best street drugs, not to socialized medicine.

  13. USA

    @ 9

    Why don’t you, your pasty, flabby behind and Pamela Anderson just leave…go on…GIT!!!

  14. Vince Lombardi

    1) Reeves looks like something out of a Dr. Seuss book.

    2) Sounds like this woman wasn’t quite the “excellent adventure” Ted was looking for.

  15. bone

    Im no math whiz (but clearly have enough time on my hands to work this out) but is she really asking for nearly 130 million? I know people shoot for the moon in these type of law suits but I would be shocked if Keanu made more than half that much in his “esteemed’ career.

  16. Bill S. Preston Esquire

    Yes way Ted!!

  17. Lisa

    That is crazy if they can come after him now for support. If she was married and raised them as another mans children, what she is doing now is wrong. She is only out for money!!!!!!

  18. Andy you are a retard AND you are probably fat

  19. bone

    actually Im retarded, he made over $100 mil on the shitty matrix movies alone

  20. effyeray

    Jebus. Are there any women who aren’t total fucking money grubbing whores? Here’s a novel idea… get a job & work you worthless leg spreading scab.

  21. Uncle Sam

    Canadians. Lying on the couch, watching hockey, drinking beer, depending on the government to take care of them. No wonder this one believes she’s entitled to money she doesn’t deserve. The whole country is one big tub of bargain-brand vanilla ice cream.

  22. @ USA and Andy,

    Has there ever been a war that you fuckin losers have ever won?

    Ans: No

    I thought so!

    Both of you can go fuck yourselves!

  23. Jim

    Canadians don’t have to worry about wars because nobody wants their shitty featureless land (or the shitty featureless people who live there).

  24. Karen

    Canadians are the end pieces of a loaf of stale white bread.

  25. Vince Lombardi

    @23…. umm, actually, Jim, the hookers in Vancouver have OUTSTANDING features

  26. Photoshop Police

    For curiosity’s sake, I did some math (math hurts your brain. you’re welcome).

    Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure came out in 1989, when Keanu was 25.
    That was 20 frickin’ years ago.

    If he fathered any of those kids, it happened BEFORE that movie even came out.
    So if he made any of these kids related to his fame, it would probably be the youngest, probably having met the woman while Dangerous Liasons was in the theatres. He was barely famous then.

    NO SOUP FOR YOU, CANADIAN HO-BAG! (mmmm…soup)

  27. JPRichardson

    I want Clark Gable’s DNA tested to see if I am his son.

  28. Vince

    The only interesting and sophisticated part of Canada is actually part of France (Quebec). And even then it’s only interesting because you can watch French snobs pretending they’re in Paris while living in a shithole country.

  29. Photoshop Police

    @22 – Pick up a history book.
    Also, you should read it instead of bashing your thick forehead into it repeatedly until the wordy things stick good. List some memorable Canadian wars for me again?

    p.s. – I don’t have a problem with Canada; it has just as many a-holes in it as the US.

  30. CC

    It’s hypocritical for AMERICANS to be calling ANYone else ‘fatsos’.

    It’s also hypocritical to call Canadians ‘entitled’ and sue happy when that is yet another astounding quality that American’s are known for.

    Get over yourselves. you can keep your crappy Keanu acting and we’ll keep our disgusting Pamela Anderson

    PS Hockey kicks ass and baseball is boring and lame.

  31. @22 Um, yeah… right… and the Canadian army is still on horseback, what’s your point..?

  32. Nancy

    It’s quite a challenge to make a second-world country out of a population that’s overwhelmingly white. Nicely done, Canada.

  33. Sport

    Is that the Sorting Hat from Harry Potter?

  34. CanadaSux

    I love the only retort Canada ever plays…Hockey rules. When was the last time a fucking Canadian (sorry I forgot you fags spell it Canadienne) team won the cup? Not in any of our lifetime, nice try Canada….Americas hat.

  35. @34 Be nice…… they act as an awesome polar bear buffer.

  36. HamFisted

    @ 22

    Ha! Wow that’s rich!!

    By the way I hate Canadian Bacon…otherwise known as Pamela Anderson…

  37. Ted "Theodore" Logan

    bogus..

  38. mikeock

    Why do rich guys dress and groom themselves like they live in a dumpster behind a Walmart? What the fuck Keanu.

  39. Hash

    I’m his son, too! I highly resemble daddy.. and by ‘highly resemble’ I mean I have legs, too. TWO of them! People usually stare at me and go like “OMG is that Keanu Reeves?!” (they speak portuguese here but nvm)

    I’m also Christopher Reeve’s son, ’cause my favorite pickup line with teenage girls is “Hi, I’m superman, wanna hang in my super-van?”. If they don’t believe me, they’re too old. It’s a great triage method!

  40. Keanu

    @38 – My cock, you have no sense of fashion, at all.

  41. Snow J. Frost

    I could get all worked up about all these Anti-Canadian comments and get my compatriots to burn down the White House (again) but I’d rather do Andy’s dumbass Mom (doggystyle, cause I’m watching the playoffs, eh) just so that in 20 years Andy will find out he has a Canadian brother.

  42. Splooge

    Um, why are you all overlooking the fact that Keanu is a raging homo and has never boinked a woman in his life. In fact, I think that will be his main line of defense in this case.
    KLTC.

  43. Ananana

    i wish he was *my* daddy………………

  44. Amy

    Ummm wtf happened to him? Oh yeah, age.

  45. I H8 Lawyers

    Firstly, I have been dragged through the unjust family court system of Barrie, Ontario and know first hand what tyranny they can wield against an innocent man. Secondly, it is law here in Ontario that if he was the father, she could only get 3 years retroactive on the child support and spousal support (Good luck though on that!)

    Thirdly (and most importantly at all) this woman is definitely delusional, bipolar, schizophrenic or most likely all three!

    Would somebody please get in touch with the ultimate gold digger, Heather Mills and borrow her artificial leg to beat this woman over the head with it until she stops her gold digging ways!

  46. whogivesafuck

    @ 29

    Did you forget the war of 1812! Thats the one where we kicked your ass!

  47. blp

    Must be super GAY drunk cuz I’d hit it

  48. cherry

    w/e hes still hot.

  49. cherry

    Leave Canadians alone! I like Canadians. There aren’t that many in England but the ones that are here are friendly.

  50. policegirl01

    Wow…sounds like Maury material.

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