Katy Perry’s Mom Hates Her Breasts

Much like myself, Katy Perry’s father is a preacher, and her parents aren’t entirely thrilled with the current trajectory of her career. (My mother wanted me to write Christian children’s books. I wish I were joking.) So like a good opportunist for Jesus, Katy’s mom Mary Hudson is now shopping around a tell-all book on how Katy’s success has affected her ministry. Page Six has obtained a copy of the proposal and apparently the main source of contention is the reason anyone even knows the name Katy Perry:

On the constant titty parade:
“Katy stepped out from behind the changing doors in a tiny risqué costume. No mother wants to see the top of her daughter’s boobs . . . My first instinct was to order her back behind those doors and demand she put something else on . . . However, I had no problem letting my eyebrows say what I wouldn’t allow my mouth to utter.”

On Katy’s first hit:
“I recognized the psalmist gift in her performance. Yet she sang out, ‘I kissed a girl, and I liked it,’ while thousands joined her. One part of my heart soared . . . the other part broke for the thousands of hungry souls being fed something that didn’t nourish their spirit, but fed their flesh.”

On what she wants Katy to become:
“[A worship leader] a Kathryn Kuhlman type of healer.”

On how she’s going to market the book despite all that stuff:
“Fans of Katy Perry and Russell Brand will flock to the bookstores to snatch up a copy . . . either through curiosity or obsession, to get a glimpse of their stars through Mary’s eyes.”

So, basically, Katy’s career is the work of the Devil, but let’s still cash in on it anyway and chalk it up as doing “God’s work.” Of course. Look, I don’t want to rehash everything I’ve already said here, but keep in mind this is a woman who claims she can interpret when her husband is speaking gibberish, and more alarmingly, wants to keep awesome breasts covered up just like those terrorists we’re at war with. I said it.

Photos: Getty, Splash News

Tags: Katy Perry