Katy Perry’s Mom Hates Her Breasts

March 28th, 2011 // 78 Comments

Much like myself, Katy Perry‘s father is a preacher, and her parents aren’t entirely thrilled with the current trajectory of her career. (My mother wanted me to write Christian children’s books. I wish I were joking.) So like a good opportunist for Jesus, Katy’s mom Mary Hudson is now shopping around a tell-all book on how Katy’s success has affected her ministry. Page Six has obtained a copy of the proposal and apparently the main source of contention is the reason anyone even knows the name Katy Perry:

On the constant titty parade:
“Katy stepped out from behind the changing doors in a tiny risqué costume. No mother wants to see the top of her daughter’s boobs . . . My first instinct was to order her back behind those doors and demand she put something else on . . . However, I had no problem letting my eyebrows say what I wouldn’t allow my mouth to utter.”

On Katy’s first hit:
“I recognized the psalmist gift in her performance. Yet she sang out, ‘I kissed a girl, and I liked it,’ while thousands joined her. One part of my heart soared . . . the other part broke for the thousands of hungry souls being fed something that didn’t nourish their spirit, but fed their flesh.”

On what she wants Katy to become:
“[A worship leader] a Kathryn Kuhlman type of healer.”

On how she’s going to market the book despite all that stuff:
“Fans of Katy Perry and Russell Brand will flock to the bookstores to snatch up a copy . . . either through curiosity or obsession, to get a glimpse of their stars through Mary’s eyes.”

So, basically, Katy’s career is the work of the Devil, but let’s still cash in on it anyway and chalk it up as doing “God’s work.” Of course. Look, I don’t want to rehash everything I’ve already said here, but keep in mind this is a woman who claims she can interpret when her husband is speaking gibberish, and more alarmingly, wants to keep awesome breasts covered up just like those terrorists we’re at war with. I said it.

Photos: Getty, Splash News

superficial

  1. That Guy

    She needs them to attract the customers ya know. :P

  2. yerp

    this purple one is the best

  3. Mandi

    “No mother wants to see the top of her daughter’s boobs.”

    Ummm what part of your daughter’s boob would you prefer to see, Mom?

  4. Tim

    Her Mom the whack job throws her daughter under the bus to make some $$$ selling pulp to fellow whacko christians. Nice!

  5. so basically Katey Perry is doing everything right.

  6. Joner

    That would be “affected her ministry.”
    Thanks,
    The Grammar Police

    • vitobonespur

      Wrong! It is correct as published.

      • Wrong! And it’s been corrected. Now if Fish would only change “I wish I was joking” to the subjunctive form of “I wish I were joking” everybody (with the exception of Mary I-Wanna-Be-A-Famewhore-For-Christ-But-I-Don’t-Have-The-Tits-To-Pull-It-Off Hudson) would be happy.

      • vitobonespur

        Check the dictionary. I stand by my opinion.

      • vitobonespur

        AFTER FURTHER REVIEW…

        Did some investigating and have found that in this instance, either word is correct. No wonder English is so difficult for immigrants to learn!

      • ipullthingsouttamyass.com isn’t a valid source. They’re not interchangeable, so quit confusing the ESL immigrants out there. Affected refers to someting already in existance, effected means you’ve created something. Since Mary Hudson’s ministry already existed, her daughter’s behavior affected it.

      • perez

        @justifiable: it’s “existence,” not “existance”

      • vitobonespur

        Jeez, Dude, did someone take a shit in your oatmeal today? Or perhaps you’re always a fucking prick.

        Gee, I see you made a typo. Uh-ooohhh.

        I used to get a kick out of your posts. Now I see you’re just a piece of shit like the other arrogant cocksuckers who occasionally post here. Check with your doctor. It seems you’re late for your rabies shot.

  7. timmy the dying boy

    With a mom like that, it’s no wonder Katy is so dumb.

  8. slappy magoo

    I’m so disappointed in my daughter’s behavior, I’ve no choice but to whore out my rage for some quick cash. It’s what Jesus would’ve wanted.

  9. atheistgirl

    Her crazy mother should be thankful she didn’t turn out like Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan.

  10. I don’t think KP would be famous without those boobs. Have you ever listened to the lyrics…yeeesh.

  11. Jock McCrock

    I find it strange her momma doesn’t make any comment on them big ole fake implants her daughter got – or would that be too much like genuinely negative publicity for her daughter’s PR train?

  12. Katy Perry Breasts
    ohyeaahh
    Commented on this photo:

    It would be a crime against nature to attempt to contain/cover those beautiful boobies.

  13. vitobonespur

    Katy has probably developed telekinesis over her mother’s Christian rantings about her “dirty pillows” and about how all the boys want is “one thing” and they’re sniffing after her like dogs. So just to be safe…Don’t Invite Her to the Fucking Prom!

    Yo, Katy: It’s OK to crucify your mom with kitchen implements!

    Yo, Mrs. Hudson. You don’t like your daughter’s boobs? Send them this way. I think they’re magnificent.

    BTW, I agree with Tim. Katy’s mom is a fucking hypocrite!

  14. Dodo Uptown

    Dirty pillows!

  15. Cock Dr

    “My mother wanted me to write Christian childrens books.”
    The blogger should probably send mom a lot of flowers on Mother’s Day.
    &
    I assume the whole Perry clan is wacky & thus not to be taken seriously in any way. Enjoy the Perry Jr tit tease & leave it at that.

  16. someguy

    I have only one comment.

    Me likes boobies.

  17. I’m so happy I wasn’t raised christian, I don’t have to deal with this kind of crazy.

  18. Chinto

    Put her head on Kathy Griffins body and they wouldn’t let her sing the national anthem at a little league game. Butterface.

  19. TomFrank

    Let’s not forget this point: if you believe in God, then you have to believe that God gave her those breasts. And why would God give her those breasts if not to show them off? To nurse her babies—no, God gave her more than is necessary for that. For Russell Brand’s enjoyment? Well, shit…if God gave Katy Perry massive breasts just so Russell Brand could be in tit heaven, then I can only draw the conclusion that THERE IS NO GOD.

    • Jock McCrock

      er.. sorry to disappoint, but the titties are man-made – the roundness in the upper half and the implant outline gives that away.

      • God made silicone. QED. On the other hand, He presumably created Russell Brand, so now I’m completely confused.

      • Dan

        Are we quite certain that Russel Brand isn’t satan’s work? He is devilishly funny.

      • *backhands Dan across the room* Bad! We do NOT make shitty puns in this house, young man!

      • @ Jock> Really it’s hard to say, as she is almost uniformly wearing clothes that mash her breasts out of shape. She could very well have implants, but it’s still entirely possible they’re real. Either way, they’re talentless and there are much better breasts attached to much more talented people.

      • Jock McCrock

        @Matrim – anyone who knows real breasts can see these are the faux – look at the tops of the implant for fullness, and the sharp line between the breasts (the ‘cleavage’) where the surgeon’s scalpel has made the pockets. You could almost cut yourself on that line it’s so sharp (pocket filled to the max with silicone). Of course she’s not the only starlet whore to cut herself up for attention, but she’s the one who most relies on the bought rack to get column inches – let’s face it, the only newsworthy thing about her is the plastic rack, it’s not her beauty, talent or intelligence, and that’s why she’s so pathetic.

      • Sorry, still think they’re too deformed by the dress to be sure. You can point out things that make them look like they might be fake, but when you’re dealing with mushed up boobs it’s nearly impossible to say for certain (unless they’re very very bad).

        And, for the record, there do exist boobs the naturally look like they’re fake…strange but true.

        But real or fake, doesn’t change the fact that she is a talentless slag and there are better breasts out there.

  20. grimace

    if her mom hates her breasts i hate her mom.

  21. MrsEllis

    Mommy Perry does understand that getting Katy Perry fans to buy it would have to involve copious amounts of her daughter’s cleavage, right?

  22. felix

    “thousands of hungry souls being fed something that didn’t nourish their spirit, but fed their flesh.”
    This is pop culture in a nutshell. Your daughter is a whore, all right.

  23. Dan

    But didn’t God make said breasts? I am confused.

  24. Dan

    Fish. My mom thought I should be a youth pastor. So… I feel you man.

  25. H

    If Katy Perry’s music fed the flesh there would be no poverty in America.

  26. Katy Perry Breasts
    Jack Swagger
    Commented on this photo:

    I would demolish her. Absolutely wreck her for any other man. Finish up on them tig ol bitties.

  27. Amy

    And you know Mama Perry’s going to plaster the tops of those boobs on the book’s cover to sell more copies. Hypocrite.

  28. I'm a jerk

    Katy Perry as a Katherine Kuhlman-esque faith healer!?!? LMFAO! What would she go on tour with Benny Hinn? Instead of laying hands on people she could use her boobs to motorboat the holy spirit into them!?! Fucking awesome. Definite an upgrade from “creepy skeleton faced hypnotist lady” from the 70′s. Katherine Kuhlman was so creepy she looked like a villain from an abandoned Poltergeist sequel.

  29. Kelley

    Implants !! “The rack is real,” my ass !!

  30. Alice is Chained

    Oh please, sucking on a heroin addicted skeletor whore penis, whats not to love? WINNING?

  31. The Sheen

    Nice bicep fat. Gross. Do a few curls, whore.

  32. Matcher

    I would pay a decent amount of money for the privilege of sniffing her asshole. Then I would let her pee on me.

  33. anonym

    i hate religious folks.

    always using god as an excuse for everything.
    jesus freaks are the worst.

  34. Lunacy. What an asshole mom.

  35. The Truth

    put some ol,proactiv on dat chest panel MA

  36. whitney

    “…However, I had no problem letting my eyebrows say what I wouldn’t allow my mouth to utter.”

    I can has motorboat?

  37. “However, I had no problem letting my eyebrows say what I wouldn’t allow my mouth to utter.”

    Translation: “My backward desert religion makes me think female sexuality is bad, however I realize that her rack is what keeps the money rolling in, so I kept my damn mouth shut.”

  38. the one

    this is the way of nom perry to give her daughter’s boobs some “free” attention.
    ………….SHE WILL BE PAID AFTERWARDS BY THE RECORD COMPANY!!

  39. Jerms

    Notice how there is no mention of fathers not wanting to see their daughters boobs…*cough* Joe Simpson *cough*

  40. Katy Perry Breasts
    Frybread
    Commented on this photo:

    Jesus loves boobs.

  41. Annie

    LOL titty parade

  42. Katy Perry Breasts
    A BiPolar Guy
    Commented on this photo:

    agree wholeheartedly about this beautiful lady. But many of these pictures I think are crappy as her face/eyes are just dead. Looks exhausted, drugged (hopefully not) or just bad shots that should have been rejects.

  43. Mr. C.C.

    All this coming from a person who partied with the rockers of the 60s and 70s before turning ultra conservative and Christian. Hypocrisy at it’s finest. Plus Katy Perry is old enough to do what she wants.

  44. In other news, devoutly Christian parents are frequently batshit crazy hypocrites. Scientists are baffled!

  45. Peter O'Cox

    I would happily lick my frosting off of her hot buns. She’s divine! Her mom, well, not so much.

  46. What’s wrong with her boobs, that tan line is bizarre.

  47. Johnny

    Her funbags are so nice. They are chunky and hang Like soft real boobs should. I bet she has some major beefy nips. In short I would LOVE to titbang and goop all over her chunky mams.

  48. Dayday

    I’d pay to ring her panties into a glass and let me drink it as she stomped on my balls in spiked heals.

  49. Katy Perry Breasts
    Commented on this photo:

    Jack Swagger is the man.

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