Katy Perry’s Breasts Just Proved God Is Real, Shit
In an effort to be taken more seriously as an artist, Katy Perry has downplayed her breasts for almost all of 2013 despite the fact her career was built on how huge they are and that time whipped cream shot of them. So while it’s nice to finally see them again on the cover of GQ, I could’ve done without the part where they prove God is real. Now you’re just fucking with me:
“I lay on my back one night and looked down at my feet, and I prayed to God. I said, ‘God, will you please let me have boobs so big that I can’t see my feet when I’m lying down?’ ” At age 11, “God answered my prayers,” she says, glancing south. “I had no clue they would fall into my armpits eventually.”
And how magnificent are these God-given breasts? So magnificent that a surgeon’s hands have never touched them. Although, that could have to do with the whole turning into a pillar of salt if they did thing.
“I’ve never had any plastic surgery,” she says proudly. “Not a nose, not a chin, not a cheek, not a tit. So my messages of self-empowerment are truly coming from an au naturel product.”
As for what GQ thinks of her au natural, baby?
“LENA DUNHAM’D, BITCH! POW!” – Whoever edited this: