The Smoking Gun has obtained Katy Perry‘s 45-page-long tour rider loaded with demands for glass door refrigerators, “perspex modern style” coffee tables and ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING CARNATIONS. Also included are frighteningly specific instructions for her drivers that have to be from experience:
- The driver will not start a conversation with the client.
- The driver will not talk to the clients guests or fans.
- The driver will never assume, always ask if in doubt.
- Do not stair at the backseat thru the rearvieuw mirrow.
- Do not ask for autographs or pictures, and especially not while driving!
Why do I get the feeling Katy’s been in several situations where a driver wrecked the car staring at her chest through the rearview only to ask for an autograph waiting for the paramedics to arrive? Because, honestly, I don’t think anything short of hiring a goddamn robot is going to stop that. And even then. “Good afternoon, Miss Katy Perry. Beep boop. I am J-6, your driving robot for the day. Please fasten your seat- beep boop whoa those are giant titties.” *drives off cliff*