Katy Perry Should Stop Talking

Full Disclosure: I initially opted to ignore this Katy Perry interview in Harper’s Bazaar based entirely on the photos that suggest she thinks she doesn’t have to show 800 miles of cleavage anymore. Frankly, I don’t reward that kind of behavior. However, it turns out she was spewing all kinds of crazy because apparently watching Megan Fox get married and drift off into obscurity seemed like an awesome idea to Katy:

On forgetting she married a heroin addict turned Buddhist:
“I always knew I wanted a great man of God, someone who was going to be an inspiration for people and also be a lovely husband and father.”

On Rihanna and Gaga:
“We’re all unique. That’s why we all win and we all can exist. People don’t want just vanilla. They want 31 flavors. I couldn’t do what Rihanna does. I couldn’t do what Gaga does. They can’t do what I do.”

On wanting a breast reduction:
“I had really bad back problems and was a little bit thicker. Then I grew up and lost the baby fat and said, ‘Hey, this isn’t all that bad.’”

Russell Brand is “a man of God?” GaGa and Rihanna can’t make generic pop? Breast reductions?!? Jesus Christ, Katy Perry, how idiotic are you trying to make Christians look here? Next you’re going to start saying you’re a woman of integrity – who also likes to bang a lot. Oh, wait:

I’m a good girl because I really believe in love, integrity, and respect. I’m a bad girl because I like to tease. I know that I have sex appeal in my deck of cards.”

So let me get this straight: Katy Perry believes in respect, provided you let her tease you into believing she’s going to have sex with you. Except, surprise, she only does that out of wedlock with a Buddhist she confuses for a Christian. Wow. And people think I only stare at her tits because I’m a lonely Internet pervert. Well, jokes on you. That’s only half of it.

Three quarters at best.

Photos: Harper’s Bazaar