Katy Perry’s Going For Robert Pattinson Already

July 30th, 2012 // 53 Comments
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It’s barely been four days since Robert Pattinson moved out of the house he shared with Kristen Stewart, and already Katy Perry is moving in for the kill because she has giant breasts and can do whatever the hell she wants. Via Hollywood Life:

“Katy has been a rock for ­Rob,” a source close to Rob told the Daily Star.
“She has reassured him she is very much there for him just as he was for her when she split from Russell [Brand]. She has urged him to take a break with [Kristen].”
Rob reportedly offered words of encouragement to Katy when Russell filed for divorce from the “Wide Awake” singer. He really helped her get through the dark period in her life.

Of course, this contradicts reports that she’s hooking up with John Mayer, but I’m sure those people probably just saw him try to rape her. And if you think that’s offensive, keep in mind, I’m not the one accusing a woman of having consensual sex with John Mayer’s white supremacist penis, so who’s the real asshole in this picture?

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, INFdaily, Splash News


  1. Annie

    Everybody knows boobs make everyone feel better, so knock yourself out Rob. Kristen seems like the type who’s jealous of just about any woman, so I hope the shadow of katy’s awesome breasts console and protect Robert and I also hope he has a lot of fun with them. Lord knows it’s been 4 years of no decolletage for that young man.

    No but seriously I hope this happens. Twihards and Rob fans hate her, they’ve been friends since before they were famous and I KNOW they would have a worse meltdown if all of a sudden they hung out.

  2. That Bastard Tony

    As I try to imagine myself in Rob’s shoes having Katy Perry console my brains out, I can’t but hear the sound effect that plays in Call of Duty when you get promoted.

    Way to upgrade Pat.

  3. EricLr

    She would console the shooting victims in Colorado, but they’re not rich or famous.

  4. Kodos

    If she straightens his sparkly ass out, that’s a good thing, I guess…

  5. JC

    Clearly intelligence and talent aren’t deal breakers in Rob’s choice of women, but now he can get a chick who (a) has facial expressions other than “pissy and bored” and (b) has monster boobs. Sounds like a solid step up to me.

  6. Gay dudes always run to their hags in times of distress.

  7. “She is very much there for him just as he was for her when she split from Russell Brand.”

    So…when Rob “was there for” Katy, how come there was no “OMG Rob’s leaving Kristen!”? Not even an inkling of that? No one wondering why he’s with the mopey, flat-chested pothead when he’s so buddy-buddy with the perky girl and her singing breasts?

    Either Rob is gay, or he’s straight yet somehow immune to the power of breasts and cheery personality—ah, screw it. You all think he’s gay. Every one of you fuckers in the gossip world thinks he’s gay (if not know it for a fact). And yet you go on and on with this “Kristen cheated on Rob! He’s leaving her!” even though you secretly think it’s all bullshit anyway.

    You rat bastards and the phony controversies you generate. I have one question for you: how can I get in on this racket? It seems easy enough.

  8. Katy Perry Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    these pictures actually make me realize her boobs aren’t as big as she tries to make them look. bet she’s a c cup at best.

  9. Katy Perry Bikini
    Matey Perry
    Commented on this photo:

    Nah they’re clearly a large C or even a small D, not a C “at best”. You need to get your hands on more tits I guess.

    • DeucePickle

      That’s good advice for anything.
      “I need to buy groceries.” “Get your hands on more tits”
      “My car’s gas mileage isn’t very good.” “Get your hands on more tits”
      “Why are there so many commercials before a movie at the theater?” “Get your hands on more tits”

  10. Jen B.

    As interesting and salacious as a Katy-Rob hookup would be, in this case I think they really are nothing more than good friends. She’s been dating Robert Ackroyd of Florence + the Machine for awhile now.

  11. direchef

    There’s two reasons this could work…two.

  12. Cock Dr

    Three cheers for casual rebound sex!
    Perry seems to like a UK accent; hope sparkle-guy likes speaking in tongues.

  13. El Jefe

    He better jump that ASAP. No better way to get over being cheated on that big beautiful breasts. Would be really awesome if he accidentally leaked nude photos of her too.

  14. K. Stew

    Skank. Who would have thought that Russell Brand would come out of that joke of a marriage looking like the mature and sophisticated party.

  15. Schmidtler

    idk, if I were Pattinson, and had my pick of an endless parade of hot young chicks with panties soaking for me, I’d pass on the 45 year old fat broad with the shrill voice and brain the size of a peanut. think about this too – anybody here not skeeved out by Russel Brand having poisoned that well?

  16. Cindy

    Unless there’s some peen (or a giant clit) involved, Rob is not interested.

  17. goingoing

    katy perry is fugly, all she has going for her are the boobs. her face is horrible.
    just google the no make up pic russell posted of her. Nobody wants to wake up next to that

    at least kristen is naturally pretty, its not like she ever tries to better her looks, too bad she’s a littke skank

  18. kimmykimkim

    Of course she is.

  19. terry

    Katy will not age well. Rob better find a nice, hefty sized brit(not in the biz) or a very educated black woman. Theses American bitches ain’t shit. And hey I’m American so I can talk shit like this.

  20. tom

    Major downgrade.

  21. anagonzalezp

    katy seems tooo old for rob! If this was the first time i’ve saw her, i minimun would imagine shes 34 with 2 babies already.

    At least kristen looked perfect with him in everything. both with different personalities, both beautiful, both young, both going to stardom at the same time, both bearing crazy fans, both going to these concert dates, music lovers, and shes even tiny and both seems the new anti hollywood couple. everythingg about r/k together just seemed perfect. more than perfect.It’ll be really a HUGE shock to see them with other people in the future.

  22. Christian

    How many times is Katy Perry going to get papped in a swimsuit this week? Is she the new Leeann Rimes? Like if she’s seen constantly seen out with friends and alone it must mean she’s not going after Rob. Please. She’s texting and calling him every minute! And, Ruth is working overtime to figure out how they’re going to play this. So gross. And, Katy is so obvious. Katy has Rob on one line and Perez Hilton on another. This is Katy’s wet dream.

  23. Katy Perry Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Katy Perry kinda looks like a chubby Kate Middleton.

  24. RR

    If these two do end up hooking up, I won’t be surprised, but I WILL then be 100% certain that Pattinson is in the closet.

  25. flimflam

    I love her tits.

  26. pru

    What cave did you guys crawl out of??

  27. Carmen

    Yes he is gay, do not believe she will do more that a support him!

  28. This situation right here was what they were thinking when they came up with the phrase, “Barking up the wrong tree.”

  29. Katy Perry Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    “I shall purge the gay from you with my awesome tits!”

  30. MsJonsey

    I agree that Katy Perry looks too old for him! It’s bizarre because you see her and think wow, that woman looks amazing for 35. Then the next thing you know she looks like Queen Frostine from Candy Land, who sailed the Gumdrop Mountains and into a Texas sex shop. I don’t know. She looks like she eats cheeseburgers for breakfast sometimes. Rob should just hang out with Alexander Skarsgard. That’s his best option at this point.

  31. Katy Perry Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn. I would totally make that face, too, if she did that in front of me.

  32. Katy Perry Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Her body would be close to perfect if she actually had any ass

  33. Ken

    Twenty Seven.
    Jesus, that was the same year John Turner became PM

  34. Katy Perry Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    she’s curing the guy from his gayness is all…

  35. Katy Perry Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks awful from behind: flat ass, vertebrae sticking out everywhere, meatballs (moles) big enough to have X-Games on… But she does have some thick thighs (yay!) and nice tits (more yay!).

  36. Katy Perry Bikini
    under no illusions
    Commented on this photo:

    very fuckable , without 5 fingers of scotch !!!

  37. Katy Perry Bikini
    Commented on this photo:


  38. Katy Perry Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow, incredible body!!

  39. Katy Perry Bikini
    Hugh G. Rection
    Commented on this photo:

    Crack kills.

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