Here’s Where I Start Saying Katy Perry’s Pregnant

I’ve accused accurately predicted with precision gynecological skills celebrities of being pregnant with way less of a protruding stomach – I’m pretty sure Selena Gomez’s is concave. – so I have absolutely no qualms about saying Russell Brand booted a heroin-baby into Katy Perry. Why else would she show up to the MTV EMAs with the only reason she exists completely covered up? It’s because they’re even more gigantic on account of the heroin-baby. That, or she secretly replaced them with Bible verses like she planned all along I’LL KILL YOU!!

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