Here’s Where I Start Saying Katy Perry’s Pregnant

November 7th, 2011 // 130 Comments

I’ve accused accurately predicted with precision gynecological skills celebrities of being pregnant with way less of a protruding stomach – I’m pretty sure Selena Gomez‘s is concave. – so I have absolutely no qualms about saying Russell Brand booted a heroin-baby into Katy Perry. Why else would she show up to the MTV EMAs with the only reason she exists completely covered up? It’s because they’re even more gigantic on account of the heroin-baby. That, or she secretly replaced them with Bible verses like she planned all along I’LL KILL YOU!!

Photos: Getty, WENN

superficial

  1. Rico Jones

    Firsties!

  2. First! Anxiety lifted.

  3. JB

    Justin Beiber did it!

  4. asfasdf

    She’s probably just getting fat.

  5. Katy Pery Pregnant EMAs
    diego
    Commented on this photo:

    (Tranny) Surprise!

  6. Richard McBeef

    Kudos to fembot engineers for building a working reproductive system, but who wants to get their fembot pregnant?

    Also, fugly. always has, always will.

    • Sorry, Richard, I think she’s pretty cute. Looks like she’d be loads of fun…in the rack and elsewhere. Her smile looks mischievous plus she has such lovely mams.

      • boing

        usually pretty hot – gross in these pics…

      • Richard McBeef

        you dudes are bedazzled by big tits and quarter inch thick makeup. she’s a dog faced erection killer.

      • Chauncey

        And what if that bump is nothing more than the remnants of a Double-Double with animal style fries, a two-day old microwave burrito and a plate of nachos that’s been marinading in a mixture of Jagermeister and heroin residue?

        Would she still be cute enough to follow into the bathroom?

      • TomFrank

        I didn’t know they had In-N-Outs in Northern Ireland.

    • Weirdo

      I think she’s cute too. I’d love to bury my pole in her ass and give her a butt baby!

      • Maria

        Richard, I’m a woman and I think she is pretty. I would love to look like her. And I can tell you right now, most men would NOT kick her out of their bed.

  7. BeckyS

    Not pregnant, just dumpy.

  8. maeby

    nah she has on tight panty hose (the middle part leaves a bumpy trail). baby bumps and panty hose are incredibly uncomfortable. She’s just got the bloats.

  9. Heather

    She night want to get some better Spanx cause what she’s got on isn’t working.

  10. Pat

    A bout of violent anus-chafing diarrhea will bring that right down.

  11. glassman

    It’s truly amazing how far a nice set of breasts will get you……I mean, really.

  12. “Of course I’m a natural redhead. Can’t you tell?”

  13. OnTheRealThough

    Hmmmm…ladies, who would you rather father your child – Travie McCoy or Russell Brand???

    My God…

  14. Help

    Just dumpy.

  15. Katy Pery Pregnant EMAs
    farting old man's wife
    Commented on this photo:

    That could just be bloating from her monthly visitor!!

  16. cc

    she is seriously starting to resemble an oompa loompa

  17. Chauncey

    Here’s where I start saying she is a no talent tramp with a beer gut…

  18. Anon

    Yeah not pregnant that girdle or whatever she is wearing just isn’t cutting it. She needs an industrial strength one to hide that beer gut. She better give Kirstie Alley a call.

  19. Katy Pery Pregnant EMAs
    Ally
    Commented on this photo:

    when she becomes a mommy i hope she stops dressing so slutty!

  20. Katy Pery Pregnant EMAs
    skunk
    Commented on this photo:

    she looks manly here…

  21. Wendy

    I don’t think she looks pregnant. No face chub or other signs of early pregnancy. I think it’s a food baby plus a bad camera angle.

  22. Cock Dr

    That might be burrito bloat or menstrual puffiness.
    If she’s incubating a zygote we’ll be able to figure that out soon enough.

  23. mrsmass

    never impressed by her. she’s one of those chicks who have to wear high heels or else her legs just look fat. now they’re starting to look fat in high heels. she’s turning into a slob.

  24. Katy Pery Pregnant EMAs
    Commented on this photo:

    ….Sad the bitch has to constantly re-invent herself *just* to keep her husband entertained.

    Ladies, NEVER marry a once-philanderer; that baby will not ‘anchor’ the Marriage; I call Divorce w/in the next 3 years.

  25. Katy Pery Pregnant EMAs
    Jeffiner
    Commented on this photo:

    she looks very ugly/stupid.

  26. Dan

    She always *looks* yummy to me.

    When she does interviews/speaks I know I would last about three hours with her.

  27. Katy Pery Pregnant EMAs
    Jeffiner
    Commented on this photo:

    YUCK! She has ruined her face!

  28. Katy Pery Pregnant EMAs
    Jeffiner
    Commented on this photo:

    she’s hoping someone will notice but the bump is still small enough to be a food baby

  29. Moxie

    Jesus, the composition on that first sentence had me re-reading it for 5 minutes.

  30. Do Freebird

    ….. And here’s Where I Start Saying she aborts it before the weeks out.

  31. Do Freebird

    What fucking skin color is that in the large picture?

  32. EmmaWatson's Vagina

    sadly i would not kick her out of bed.

  33. Boner Steve

    Aw. There’s still no one in the comment section who can reply to these posts like a human being instead of a standup comic. What a bunch of losers.

    • EmmaWatson's Vagina

      um. the whole post is supposed to be stand-up. so what do you expect. the whole post is about saying someone has a baby bump where it might be true or it might be fat. and is something for the PR people to get people and bloggers to talk about.

    • kimmykimkim

      Boner Steve? Why is your asshole so tight?

    • SisterRay

      I’m glad someone else is here who wants to partake in a serious discourse on celebrities’ private lives. I mean really, these clowns here keep acting like it’s useless garbage to kill time…

  34. Katy Pery Pregnant EMAs
    Elle
    Commented on this photo:

    Also, wearing spanx

  35. Boner Steve

    Aw, you sincerely think a comment section on a pop culture website is supposed to be a comedy performance. That’s adorable. Maybe the big shot comedy scouts will find what you say just simply delightful. Maybe they’ll call you up to the big leagues soon. Good luck, Nolan Ryan. Remember me when you’re famous.

    • R.A.

      Shut up, Meg.

      • Boner Steve

        See, that’s the difference between you and me. I’m not attempting humor. I don’t want to be funny, honestly. I hope no one at all gets a laugh out of this, other than me of course. I just want to point out that everyone on here sounds like imbeciles. If I can’t change that, I might as well just get you really worked up over nothing, all the while remaining calm and maintaining a smile on my face.

    • Richard McBeef

      what is it supposed to be then steve? Go back to chortling Gaga cock at Perez.

      • Boner Steve

        You don’t even know what chortling means, darling. It’s okay, take your time this time and use some big boy words after looking them up in the dictionary.

      • Richard McBeef

        pretty sure i nailed it.

        checking dictionary.com…..

        yep, nailed it.

      • Boner Steve

        In fact, while you’re at it, go ahead and look up the word “condescension.” It’ll help. I’m sure of it.

      • Boner Steve

        Yes, you did nail it. I’m going to LAUGH Gaga cock at Perez. it’s okay. English as a second language is not easy. I forgive you.

      • R.A.

        Right, because we should all be taking pointers on the English language from some asshole named Boner Steve. Also your use of the word ‘darling’ necessitates the turning-in of your man card. Darling.

      • Boner Steve

        Is this what you look like while chortling?
        http://www.moonbattery.com/michael-moore-chortling.jpg

      • kimmykimkim

        McBeef, I will forgive you for using GaGa to insult Boner Butt, just know, sniff sniff, just…know….(I have nothing, I’m getting over a cold.)…anyway…boooobs….

      • Boner Steve

        Aw, I’m sorry, did I make it seem as though Boner Steve were my real name instead of just a made-up internet pseudonym? My sincerest apologies. I’ll gladly give you my imaginary man card. All of them, actually. Come and grab a hold of my man card.

      • Richard McBeef

        it was more a metaphor for something like this:
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvt_RCqvBnc

        and a word play on sucking dicks.

        sorry I had to break it down for you.

        but yeah, fuck off and go to back to perez.

      • Boner Steve

        A metaphor? You obviously don’t know what a metaphor is either. Man, you are just racking up the points today. I wish I had you in any of my classes in high school or college. I’m sure it would have been a hoot for everyone to attempt to dissect your thoughts. I’ll go back to Perez when your dad starts giving shits.

      • Richard McBeef

        right, I did fuck up metaphor there.

        but again, perez’s gaping asshole is welcoming you to a place where you can speculate on perry’s baby bump rather than talk shit and attempt humor.

      • Boner Steve

        See, that’s the difference between you and me. I’m not attempting humor. I don’t want to be funny, honestly. I hope no one at all gets a laugh out of this, other than me of course. I just want to point out that everyone on here sounds like imbeciles. If I can’t change that, I might as well just get you really worked up over nothing, all the while remaining calm and maintaining a smile on my face.

      • kimmykimkim

        Uh-oh, Boner Steve has been sucked in! I have a feeling he’ll be back in 2 days making his own stupid jokes for his own amusement under the name Boner Jones. Or perhaps, Erection Mathers, we don’t know yet, that’s the fun part!

      • Richard McBeef

        Right right, because i get all roiled up over anon internet fucks. this is my therapy, because real life is filled up with fucking shits just like you and I can’t tell them to fuck off.

      • Boner Steve

        I was actually going to go with “Bone Lōc,” or perhaps the infamous “Tommy Lee Bones.”

      • Boner Steve

        Why can’t you tell all the fucking shits in real life to fuck off? I’m mildly interested.

      • Richard McBeef

        go around and tell everyone that needs to be told to fuck off to go and fuck off. see how well that works for you.

      • kimmykimkim

        Sorry, Boner, those are stupid. Mine, not. Well, at least not to me and that’s all that matters. And you actually are quite hilarious. A bucket of giggles, you are! McBeef is a regular here and you, obviously, are not. So I’m pretty sure everybody is laughing at you considering you came here to pick a fight with some random people on the internet when we all know you’re supposed to be looking for job.

      • Boner Steve

        It’s pretty easy to do that, honestly. Unless they’re your boss. I guess I’ve been blessed with good bosses though. You make a few more enemies I guess, but people are cowards in general. Ironically, I’m saying this from behind an internet pseudonym. The fact of the matter is that people don’t know what to do if you tell them to fuck off to their face. They just stew about it and talk shit to their friends, and maybe occasionally text you angrily for spreading all the naked pictures they sent you all over the internet.

      • Richard McBeef

        Bone Loc was alright, but remember Boner Steve isn’t attempting humor. Boner Steve is here to point out we all sound like imbeciles and we should be posting like human beings rather than stand up comics.

      • Boner Steve

        And to you, my beautiful kimmykimmykimmykimmykimkimmkimmmmmmm. I have two jobs. I’m half Adam Scott a la Party Down, half DJ Lance Rock a la Yo Gabba Gabba. Only without the well-written work humor and phallic costumed characters. You’re right, I’m not a regular here. I’ve been reading The Superficial for a good while, but only recently began to look at the comments. Woe is not me.

      • Boner Steve

        I’m sorry, Richard. I legitimately was attempting to have a normal conversation with you. I suppose I overstepped my boundaries. Forgive me for not being able to resist making a reference to the man who created the Funky Cold Medina.

      • kimmykimkim

        I like Boner Stephen. He’s concise and doesn’t make me read a bunch of shit when I’m supposed to be working…and making my own comments here and there on the side, of course. Boner Steve, however, he rambles more than I do. And that’s saying a lot.

    • Richard McBeef

      No Boner Steve, you are just one of the jackasses that comes along everyone once and a while and either complains about how unfunny fish is, how unfunny the commenters are, or some moral bullshit about how terrible we are with the shit talking in the comments.

      dipshits like you come in, stand on their little soap box with their imaginary moral high ground, belittle others through their use of english, grammar, punctuation, or the frequency of swear words with condescending (oh yeah, i looked it up) stuff like “Darling” and then disappear back under the bridge from which they came, like the common fucking trolls they are.

      Usually we just say “Shut up, Meg” but today I felt like feeding you. You should be congratulating me as you sit back and masturbate to your internet victory.

      • Boner Steve

        I’m not sure what you’re still so butthurt about. I moved past the easy trollisms and was just talking to you like you were a human being. Shouldn’t you be the one who is masturbating to your victory? It seems to me like you just want to play the role of jilted hero of the site. I mean, that’s fine with me, if that’s your prerogative, but it sounds like there’s more that you’re angry about than some trollery doled out willy-nilly. I don’t have any moral high ground. I just wish that everyone and their mothers didn’t automatically consider themselves comedians (or comediennes) when they get onto this site. I still think Fish is funny, even when his non-sequiturs border on later season Family Guy-isms at times. I don’t care how much shit-talking goes on. You’re just trying to feed me still with your pent up aggression, even though I’ve already had my fill.

      • kimmykimkim

        Well, Boner, you got the beautiful part right. But, still, you’re a total prick.

      • TomFrank

        This thread. Jesus Christ already.

      • Richard McBeef

        you are the same guy that bitches about what’s on TV rather than changes the channel.

        McBeef is just an outlet for hate, jealousy, pent-up rage, and non political correctedness. He is not a real person and is incapable of butthurtedness. Sorry for the confusion.

      • Boner Stephen

        GO FUCK YOURSELF KIM

      • Richard McBeef

        you should get on this shit TF.

      • Boner Steve

        I’m that guy that bitches about where the remote is when there’s something I like on TV. Also, I don’t like this Boner Stephen guy coming in here and ruining my good, well-spoken name.

      • Boner Steve

        I LOVE PENIS

      • kimmykimkim

        TomFrank, I know! Now that I’m reading what the guys wrote to each other; I thought I wanted to punch a wall earlier, but SHIT! Pregnant Katy Perry really gets people upset! Myself included.

      • kimmykimkim

        Nope. Hold on. It just got hilarious! Bahahaha! Ahahahahahaha! Hahaha! Hee hee hee hee.

    • CranAppleSnapple

      McBeef wipes the floor with the troll.

  36. cc

    Russell Brand is procreating. Hopefully the funny gene skips a generation and the kid turns out to be a comedian.

  37. Katy Pery Pregnant EMAs
    Ell
    Commented on this photo:

    Paris Hilton wants her wonk eye back.

  38. kimmykimkim

    I haven’t seen a dress that ugly since 1986. And she looks positively miserable. As someone who has never been pregnant, I’m going to say it is because she’s pregnant.

    • TomFrank

      You were passing judgment on women’s dresses when you were 4? Sometimes I don’t understand women. Make that all the time.

      • kimmykimkim

        Correction, TomFrank, I was 5! But yes, I was actually passing judgement on my own clothing at that age. But that print is not a women’s print. It’s more of a miss’s (misses?) junior’s print from that time. My sister had a tunic just like that. Well not exactly of course. And I always thought it was kinda ew. Oh and, women, we don’t fully understand ourselves either. Don’t worry, it doesn’t get any better. Does that help? Pretend I’m patting your shoulder that might help. I’m really good at pep talks.

      • TomFrank

        Well, I do like the part where you’re patting my shoulder.

  39. Katy Pery Pregnant EMAs
    Kiki
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s prob just on her rag. Not a big deal

  40. The Laughing G-D

    Trannies cannot have babies!

  41. Katy Pery Pregnant EMAs
    TomFrank
    Commented on this photo:

    “I’d like to thank you all for these…um…MTV logos attached to half-globes by springs? You Euros are weird.”

  42. Katy Pery Pregnant EMAs
    TomFrank
    Commented on this photo:

    “I call the one on the right ‘Eugene’ because of the glasses.”

  43. I have the answer

    She decided to embrace her inner chubby dorkness and ate her assistant.

  44. Boner Steve

    LOL. I can’t believe it took so long for someone to think of doing that. I love it.

  45. Mama Pinkus

    That gal just plain looks nasty

  46. Katy Pery Pregnant EMAs
    Commented on this photo:

    Now I’ll have “Do You Really Want to Hurt Me” in my head all night.

  47. Katy Pery Pregnant EMAs
    ellieminnow
    Commented on this photo:

    What the fuck is up with her bangs?

  48. wtf

    it looks like a tranny

  49. Nah, that belly’s always been there. It’s just the first time your eyes made it that low.

  50. Katy Pery Pregnant EMAs
    kay
    Commented on this photo:

    That is the worst pinup hair attempt I have ever seen. Burn it.

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