Katy Perry Denies Pregnancy, Confirms Entirely Letting Herself Go

Katy Perry wants to clear up all those pregnancy rumors I like to believe I started because The Superficial is the preferred news source of Air Force One. (Made-up fact. Or so the government wants you to think…) So, here she is making sure everyone knows she’s stuffing her face full of booze and Taco Bell. No, really. Via HuffPo Celebrity:

“I still love drinking alcohol, so not yet. I like In-N-Out Burger and Taco Bell and if you want to make that pregnant that’s your problem,” she said.
At her concert in New York City on Friday, Katy told fans, that she wasn’t pregnant, only bloated from too much “NYC Pizza.”

Of course, this just adds to the divorce rumors because Russell Brand’s a documented sex addict, and now his wife’s sitting around with a gut full of Chalupas and cran-vodkas. Not that I’m suggesting this won’t stop him from having sex with her, just the opposite, but now he’s got himself an escape hatch once he gets caught banging random women in a jacuzzi full of heroin.

RUSSELL: Your eating made me do this!
KATY: You’re right. I’ll now use logic and reason to craft a rational response to this situation.

(It would’ve been more realistic if I had Katy mount a Pegasus and take flight, wouldn’t it? I knew it.)

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Splash News