Katy Perry Married This Guy

October 25th, 2010 // 74 Comments

Katy Perry and Russell Brand got married in India Saturday, and if you came here looking for details about what Katy wore or if everyone kept swearing the kid from Slumdog Millionaire works at their hotel, you came to the wrong place. However, what you will find is a caffeine-fueled rant about their marriage not lasting because it was entirely pre-orchestrated by their agents to make Russell a believable romantic lead and Katy not look like she hangs homosexuals in her backyard with her dad. To the soapbox machine!

Katy Perry Will Do Anything For Money
Katy sold out her Christian roots by singing a song about kissing girls which immediately made her a pop sensation after years of trying to make it in the gospel circuit. Couple that with the capacity to use her almost heavenly cleavage to make me write posts about her, and would it be that far of a stretch for her to date, and eventually marry, a sex addict to keep up her bad girl image? Which brings me to my next point:

Russell Brand is a Sex Addict
And not just any sex addict. A former heroin-addicted sex addict who also happens to be an enlightened British man that understands Christianity is absolute bullshit much to the chagrin of the large-breasted pop star his manager convinced him to attempt a monogamous relationship with. Yes, it landed him the remake of Arthur, but at what cost? At what cost?

The Inevitable
Either Katy’s upbringing/brainwashing will eventually reach its threshold of worldly knowledge and education – They got married in India. India. That’s right next door to Muslims! – or Russell will eventually realize not even the most spectacular pair of breasts can make you forget you used to have three-ways and opiates for brunch back in England. Case in point: Even I’m looking at Katy’s chest and thinking about having sex with two British women at the same time. — And Katy.

(What? These things can’t all be about Ben Roethlisberger raping people.)

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. fistfuqme

    first

  2. Puddin' Taine

    The woman wears motherfuckin granny panties… how long do you think this will seriously last?

  3. absinthe

    They deserve each other.

    • Facebook me

      Exactly. Two retards. I hope they burn in hell.

    • cc

      Agreed. He’s a druga addled fuck up who thinks he’s funny, but isn’t, and she’s a big breasted, moderately talented dipshit trying desperately to stay in the limelight. I wish they’d both fuck off.

      • lumpy gravy

        …you are all correct. yet, fish features them at least a few times a week, ostensibly to mock them, except when he’s touting Brand’s atheism. But hey, whatever gets the clicks, right? Doesn’t that make him every bit the jamoke they are?
        And what’s up with the Arthur remake starring this horribly unfunny cretin? It’s like trying to reproduce the Mona Lisa with a Lite-Brite.

  4. Doc

    “India is a dreadful, dreadful place. You know, it’s the only country that still has the plague? I mean, the plague!” – Seinfeld

  5. bribios

    And now the great bloating of Katy Perry begins.

  6. Russell Brand and Katy Perry Wed
    Jessica
    Commented on this photo:

    no regrets just love

  7. lady jesus

    So Russell Brand fucks half of England on a heroin high and then marries a pop star 6 years younger than him?

    And women wonder why we don’t have equality.

    • Katy Perry is Trash

      come on do you really believe all of that? this dickhead once bragged that he slept with 3 Women every night…cough cough bullshit.

  8. That Guy

    I give it 8 months.

  9. anonymous

    who cares? never one of the are newsworthy unless katy’s tits were out in her wedding dress.

  10. v-tard

    …and yet…and yet…it might work out after all.

    But don’t quote me on that.

  11. He’s very fuckable. I was jealous when i heard she bagged him. Katy will have to stay perky to keep Russell, every whore bag around will be trying to temp his cock into straying. Lets hope the wedding ring also has magical powers to deflect pussy on a plate.

    • harry satchel

      Russel, is that you?

    • Pretty Much

      He would have been if he wasn’t such a whore. His crazy smile and wacky humour got me interested, but his sleazy behaviour ruined it.

      I love watching him on things like the Big Fat Quiz f the Year, and I still laugh and see the bizarre charm, but I wouldn’t touch his cock with five layers of nitrile gloves on.

  12. good job

    I’m liking these rants fish-man. Between this and the Ben Rapelisberger commentary, it adds a breath of fresh air to the site

  13. Curses

    I think it was DARE where I learned that an addict is never really “cured,” but in a constant state of recovery; there’s always a chance they’ll relapse. He’s is/was a sex addict and she’s a walking, talking blow-up doll. We should just be happy he’s not licking Courtney Love for a contact high.

  14. Katy Perry is Trash

    This guy is a greasy looking, unfunny tosser and I wish him and his lame Wife would take a honeymoon in the deep blue sea and never surface again.

    • Hello

      I wish they had a public registry so we could suggest this. I originally was hoping they would honeymoon to Jupiter, but the deep blue sea works as well.

      Space, where no one can hear Katy sing. Must be blissful.

  15. captain america

    please do not use bad language.
    this isn’t a guy, THIS IS A TRUE F*GGOT IN PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  16. lamer

    I’m sure he’s a fun guy and he can make you laugh and all that, but why not just date him for a while? Why marry him? You know this thing won’t last. What a big waste of time. This marriage will be over within a year and a half. No doubt.

    • Jake

      Who cars? Just don’t have kids, and have a good prenup, and its makes no difference. Just stay married as long as it makes sense.

    • Cock Dr

      RE”: Why Marry
      Jeezus won’t love you unless you have the magic ceremony.
      Plus, it was a great excuse for a huge party.

  17. No shock here. Anyone who’s seen her stage outfits should know she has no taste

  18. FattyFatty2X4

    Fish,
    I have forgone ranting about your love life (Buffy the Blow-Up Doll), please do the same with these two lovely love birds.
    You’re just jealous cuz they don’t need to lube before performing coitus, Russell is greasy enough for the bof of them.
    Ha Cha Cha!

  19. Cindy

    Enlightened enough to believe Christianity is bullshit, but not enough to refrain from chanting Hare Krishna…like all the other reformed junkies in London.

  20. There is a lot of pain & bewilderment over this strange romantic pairing.
    I wish them luck. They are gonna need it. I see major drug & sex scandals as very probable once the honeymoon glow simmers down in a year or 3.
    And of course fights with the paps at every airport. Yay!

  21. Russell Brand and Katy Perry Wed
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Such a charmer. What woman could resist these moves?

  22. friendlyfires

    It’s going to be very schadenfreude watching these two morph into has beens/who the cares/most wanted marriede couple by law enforcement agencies since Randy Quaid and his meth head wife.

  23. MoFro

    Actually, India possesses the #1 population of Muslims in the world (367 million). So it’s not just next door, it’s on their doorsteps!

  24. Frobz

    Moronic family-values manufactured Disney slut marries british retard…excuse me while I open up a can of Who-the-fuck-Cares.

    The sooner we bomb Disney, the sooner the aural rape of music comes to an end. Are the radios only allowed to play “musicians” under 20 now?

  25. yourmom dottcom

    wow, use a camera as an extension of your man-junk! How original.

  26. Russell Brand and Katy Perry Wed
    KC
    Commented on this photo:

    Fish, you are truly misguided. It’s true love with Katy and Russell. They’re a perfect match and will be together forever.

  27. posterchild

    narcissistic piece of shit.

  28. Photoshop Police

    Someone needs to remind Katy of our mutual subconscious agreement that if she ever marries a weird comedian named Russell that she must immediately , in lieu of a proper honeymoon, IMMEDIATELY, I say… go directly to the Playboy Mansion (Russell can go along too – I’m not a heartless monster) and into the photo studio to pose full-monty-buck-a$$-nekkid.

    That was our silent unspoken agreement!
    We’re holding you to it, Katy! :-)

  29. Photoshop Police

    To be clear, Russell is only allowed to WATCH the photo shoot, not participate in it.

  30. Livia

    after i read the rolling stone article featuring Russell Brand, I am disgusted whenever I see this guy. I can’t see this wedding – this match – ‘real’ – she is supposedely a devout Christian raised by ministers – he is an “ex”- heroin user who has screwed up to 10 chicks a day – god I hope he wore a condom – this has to be fake, or just something to keep them entertained for a few months.

  31. Truth

    Katy Perry hates her parents. It has been confirmed.

  32. jerkchickenhater

    As a Christian I have only one thing to say “Fuck You!”. You look at the Christian extremists and brand us all the same. I am sure Katy Perry is still a Christian and I could care less if she kissed a girl or married a herion addict. It’s the cool thing now to say Christianity is bad and God doesn’t exist. However in the same breath you say its okay to worship allah and buddah (because thats cool) but Christians are idiots. How much did you give to charity this year? Christians give more and do more for the poor than any charity out there. FISH you are nothing more than a hypocrite wannabe but you are really really cool. I hope your rant got you some more attention. Who knows maybe Perez Hilton might give you a call one day.

    • Here’s a news flash for you. Nobody gives a shit about christianity. Seriously, nobody cares if you believe in some magical guy in a bathrobe up in the clouds. What people care about is the child raping, the attempts to force christian beliefs onto us, the hypocrisy since none of you actually follow the beliefs that you want to shove on the rest of us, and on and on.

      If you christians (or pick a religion, it’s all the same) would shut the fuck up and leave other people alone (and stop raping children), nobody would pick on you. But that’s not what you want, is it?

      • Randal(l)

        “You look at the Christian extremists and brand us all the same.” hundreds of millions of Muslims just did a spit take. why hundreds of millions of Muslims were drinking water at the same time, I have no clue? terrorist plot probably.

        McFeely you are way off, Religion doesn’t rape children, priest do. Religion just makes it easier for them to be transferred to a different church and use the collection plate money to shut the victim up.

      • Randal, you missed my point. That being that nobody cares about “religion”, what we care about is “behavior”.

        and to date, christian behavior sucks some pretty hard cheese and we all wish they would stop.

      • woot

        Fish can rant all he wants about Christianity, Russel Brand, whatever… He’s just juvenile and full of hate because, well, look at his life… He makes his coin running one of the most low life things you can do… blog about celebrities.

        Now I’m at fault for even reading it, and I see the sadness in that. But that’s the point. His work, his livelihood, is to post something for me to look at while I’m bored at work. His job is the equivalent of writing on the wall of the toilet stall in a gas station washroom. That’s his JOB! Some people create, entertain, can be proud of what they do… this guy appeals to the worst in people and he KNOWS the people that praise him here are the kind of people that he would hate to actually meet in person.

        Of course what I’m doing now is the equivalent of pulling out a pen and RESPONDING to writing on a washroom stall, but whatever, what else you gonna do while taking a shit?

    • Thank You

      Someone needs to tell Fish to get a blog to share his feelings because this is really not the sort of website that needs a “spin”. As much as Fish dislikes Christianity because of his mommy & daddy issues, you would think he’d already have quite the LiveJournal following if he just let loose with the emo garbage to a mass of 16 year old goth girls & quit wasting his time adding a political or religious bias on every piece of celebrity-gossip-bullshit-news that comes flying through his inbox.

    • Audrey

      FYI Buddhist dont worship buddha, they’re technically agnostic.

    • Religion is man made. In my opinion religion is the root of all evil. It has been the cause of bloodshed, wars and terrorism. I believe in God, not on rantings of people who lived thousands of years ago that thought thunder was caused by God being mad at them. Sorry, I can think for myself.

  33. belle

    I believe them together… And ehr.. Fish.. not only do you lack the wit of a site like D Listed, you are also a tad uninformed. Russell is half Indian. Hence the reason they married there

    And there is no way you are straight. No straight guy would dissect a story like this and write for a gossip blog.

    • WTF Report

      What about people who read gossip blogs? God you’re a moron. Russell Brand isn’t half Indian. He’s been into TM for years and credits Hare Krishna chanting for helping to keep him from relapsing back into drug use “hence” the reason they got married there.

      And you’re about as accurate about the Fish as you are about Brand. The story’s been dissected by everyone because they;re celebrities and news is news – and FYI the worst gossips I know are straight.

  34. woodworker1

    She has no talent, “just tits” and as a comedian he’s not funny, in fact he’s just fucking stupid. They deserve each other. When does their sex video come out?

  35. alphabet

    SW, I used to come here for hot chix and occasional clever. Lately there’s far too few of the former, and the latter has mostly become lame bitchery. This site sucks. Goodbye.

  36. Lady Blah Blah

    I liked Russell’s character in Finding Sarah Marshall. I didn’t find his MTV Awards (or whatever event it was) speech the least bit funny or even interesting. But I gave him a 2nd chance by watching a DVD of a comedy performance he gave in NYC. It was funny for the most part, but his non-stop and IMO lame attempts to shock bored me, and I came away from that DVD convinced that among whatever clinical problems he might have is narcissistic personality disorder. Me me me, look at me. Me me me me me. Just look at these pictures: Look at me! Me me me me me! ME! I’m so shocking! I’m so outrageous.

    Yawn. Next.

  37. Biff Dickslap

    This guy is “on” all the time, like Robin Williams before he started to burn out.

  38. Russell Brand and Katy Perry Wed
    Hmmmmm
    Commented on this photo:

    Dude is banging the crap out of her constantly…this makes my penis very, very sad.

  39. Flow

    They won’t last very long. He’s a gemini, she’s a scorpio. Plus, they’re total fucktards. They married each other for very selfish reasons. Not one of them truly loves the other. It’s a sham, like every other celebrity marriage.

  40. one legged

    the big problem is that he was a crack addict!!! (the worst drug in the world.. along with gambling and meth)
    i take oxy everyday and it makes you too slow to talk to your lady with happy thoughts. so i don’t think heroin is good for sex, unless you are with a straight whore.

  41. Audrey

    ugh, there has to be some sort of agenda here right? i mean katy perry is hott no doubt, even if i really cant stand her voice, and russell brand looks like a caveman, narcissit, is a a sex addict and is not even funny!

  42. Jamie

    I dislike Katy Perry, but I adore Russel Brand (because he managed to recover from his addictions and is so open about it). But I also hope there marriage works out for them. I found this article very redundant and ridiculous (and rather mean). Also what was that “That’s right next door to Muslims!” comment about?

  43. Test

    She likes to kiss girls maybe he likes that. Why such an idiot gets to marry Kathy – no idea!

  44. currentofinjury

    Yeah she would do anything for money, even an acne commercial.

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