Katy Perry & John Mayer Are Done Having Sex Now

“Can’t I just see ‘em one more time?”

For those you wondering when Katy Perry would eventually sober up and realize she’s been letting John Mayer have sex with her, it was yesterday. She sobered up yesterday. People reports:

The pop star, 27, and crooner, 34, who were linked this summer, are no longer dating, a source confirms to PEOPLE.
“They’ll end up as friends,” the source says. “They were honestly having fun. People made it out to be far more than it was.”

I don’t think anyone was making this out to be far more than it was. Katy Perry was getting drunk enough to have sex with John Mayer which is why they’ve only been photographed at parties or bars. Also, their arrangement would eventually reach a point where she’d try to bring a wheelchair into the mix and his penis will be all like, “Whoa, how do you know a black person didn’t use that?” I’ve seen it a hundred times.