Katy Perry & John Mayer Are Done Having Sex Now

August 24th, 2012 // 28 Comments
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“Can’t I just see ‘em one more time?”

For those you wondering when Katy Perry would eventually sober up and realize she’s been letting John Mayer have sex with her, it was yesterday. She sobered up yesterday. People reports:

The pop star, 27, and crooner, 34, who were linked this summer, are no longer dating, a source confirms to PEOPLE.
“They’ll end up as friends,” the source says. “They were honestly having fun. People made it out to be far more than it was.”

I don’t think anyone was making this out to be far more than it was. Katy Perry was getting drunk enough to have sex with John Mayer which is why they’ve only been photographed at parties or bars. Also, their arrangement would eventually reach a point where she’d try to bring a wheelchair into the mix and his penis will be all like, “Whoa, how do you know a black person didn’t use that?” I’ve seen it a hundred times.



  1. EricLr

    Translation: He just found out the Kristen Stewart is available.

  2. Katy Perry John Mayer Break Up
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like she didn’t have much to pack.

  3. Cock Dr

    He dumped her…after he’d thoroughly drilled into all her nooks & crannies and realized he didn’t want to be with any woman dumb enough to date John Mayer.

  4. Katy Perry John Mayer Break Up
    Commented on this photo:

    “Hey, Katy, can we stop by the Bob Dylan / Johnny Depp Fashion Wannnabe Store at the strip mall on the way home?”
    “Okay, and while you are doing that, I’m going to the liquor store for enough vodka to burn every brain cell I formed this summer.”

  5. Katy Perry John Mayer Break Up
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    Dating John Mayer was just Katy Perry’s way of working through a lesbian crush on Teri Hatcher.

  6. The Royal Penis

    Is it my turn yet?

  7. Taylor Swifts Tampon String

    I would imagine that room smelled like old socks, cheetos, vinegar, moldy cheese with a hint of whiskey.

  8. DeucePickle

    I have a feeling that guy sucks at banging chicks. They never stay around very long.

    • kimmykimkim

      That’s what I was thinking. Or maybe he’s high maintenance. He DOES write mangina music so my guess is he acts like a little pussy.

      • Colonel Angus

        Well, look how he dresses. What a douche and a poser.

      • Smapdi

        Rumor is he is the answer to Ted C’s “Super Dooper Cooper” blind item, with said Cooper being into pooping and watersports during sex. So, maybe Katy followed his dump with one of her own.

      • I’m guessing he got caught boning another guest at this Los Feliz party. She looks extremely pissed. You should pardon the pun.

  9. Katy Perry John Mayer Break Up
    Commented on this photo:

    “So that’s it, huh? You’re breaking up with me? I’m speechless. I really just don’t know what to say. Will you at least watch me jack off while I drive you home? For old times sake?”

  10. Cookie

    Love KP & all but she has bad taste in men :/

  11. YTBOY

    Man!!! She got nice legs!! Nice and thick!!!

  12. Emmanuel

    She’s getting to heavy!!!!!! the outcome of taking too much next day pills

  13. Rico

    He wanted to do her in the butt, and she refused, so he went back to doing guys.

  14. She’s damaged goods for sure now.

  15. Katy Perry John Mayer Break Up
    Commented on this photo:

    Atleast John Mayer got the inspiration for a new song from Katy. A twist on an old classic. It’s called “Your Body is a Waterpark.”

  16. Fifi

    At least she’ll have some occasional flare-ups to remember him by.

  17. Katy Perry John Mayer Break Up
    Commented on this photo:

    Benny and Joon remake!

  18. Katy Perry John Mayer Break Up
    Commented on this photo:

    I kind of love that she wears a pair of drugstore flats at the end of the evening.

  19. Katy Perry John Mayer Break Up
    Commented on this photo:

    Yeah, that’s “Over It” face, all right.

  20. Sliver

    Ok, so I have gathered 2 things from looking at the above picture:
    1. John Mayer scoops up all his clothing at Johnny Depp’s rummage sales.
    2. Mutant herpes amalgamations garnered from fucking recently-single Hollywood stars do not lead to long-lasting relationships for the lad.

  21. Anonymous

    Did Katy Perry just find out that John Mayer has herpes?

  22. Anonymous

    Maybe Katy Perry saw John Mayer’s little prick and ran away.

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